Husband doesn't like being "too dominant

Husband doesn't like being "too dominant

LisaLix​(switch female) • Feb 6, 2019

I've told my man what and how I like it. He tell me that he doesn't like telling me what to do. Or be rough. He's basically vanilla with a bit of candy ....knows how to surprise me from time to time.

And I'm switch si I know he likes to be submissive too. But I keep telling him he isnt hurting me or doing anything i dont want ....just please take me. He makes me cum dnt get me wrong, but I want ropes, obedience, toys....you know...fun stuff. He doesn't want to tie me up...how can I come to a medium we are both happy with

Anyone ever had similar issues when trying to maintain a long term relationship.

Fingers​(dom female) • Feb 6, 2019

I am watching the replies with interest Lisa

Hydra1234​(dom male) • Feb 6, 2019

Some people can't partake in the lifestyle, however, you did mention that you are a switch so why not see if he would explore you being the Dominant one?

Don't get me wrong I understand you could lean more to the submissive side however maybe he's put off by the idea of being Dominant rather than BDSM as a whole. Sit him down and talk in detail about that side (Just a thought)

Fudbar​(dom male){❤️❤️❤️} • Feb 6, 2019

It's hard for an existing vanilla couple to make that transition. Even if you're both willing and able, you'll both be out of sync a lot with one partner pushing to move faster and the other wanting to go slow.

You're both experiencing new sexual facets of yourselves and seeing that in someone on top of exploring it yourself is maddening.

Talk, explore and most of all be patient and try to care about your partner outside of roles. As long as you can keep communication and your bond strong, it's manageable.

Yes, horny and frustrated sucks. It always will. That part does get annoying. Lol.

LisaLix​(switch female) • Feb 6, 2019

Thanks fudbar for the great advice.

I look forward to the experimenting.

Part of it is
He gets freaked out by the terms dom sub, bondage, whore etc...so he may some things but when I talk like that it term hom off

Kara​(sub female){Dark Roast} • Feb 6, 2019

Why use the terms ? Just do what the two of you enjoy doing without a label. D/s will come as you get more comfortable with each other or it won’t. There’s no need to force a dynamic or dive into it headfirst. Let things happen organically and see what develops with time.

Fudbar​(dom male){❤️❤️❤️} • Feb 6, 2019

It's probably hard to see the woman he loves in a way he's always believed is degrading. To him, it feels like hurting you even if he rationally knows you enjoy it. He has gullt and discomfort there. You need to remind him before and after that you see and love him as a person, and that he's not bad or a monster for doing those things. The terms are triggering for him now. People and care first. You'll get there.

Btw, that's basically Dom aftercare 101. It's a good thing to learn.

Emberose​(sub female){X} • Feb 6, 2019

Im going through the same thing with my husband and he will try some but now its like it one postion or the other postion nothing else. How do i spice up our marriage. We have been together going on 15 years married for 10 of them. I have found im very submissive.

LisaLix​(switch female) • Feb 6, 2019

Same. We have been together 17 years and have a family. I dnt want this with anyone else. And I want to ensure that his needs are being met, and that he's not turned off by what turns me on ha

Fudbar​(dom male){❤️❤️❤️} • Feb 6, 2019

It's ok if he's turned off by it, and vice versa. Some kinks you'll share, others you'll tolerate. It's about accepting who you both are without judgement. Turned off needs talking about and understanding why you like it and he doesn't. Sometimes there's misunderstanding cleared up and new common ground to be found. Other times you hit sticking points. Accept and work around them with the goal of tolerance if nothing else can be found.