Curious?

Curious?

SecretSubSlut • Aug 12, 2019

My HusDom and I are just starting to explore this together, and so far this has been amazing. I have known throughout our relationship that he was naturally an Alpha Dominant and I have always wanted to truly submit to him. That being said, I have done a lot of reading on the subject so I could present it to him intelligently to help him understand initially because I am very much an Alpha female to everyone else. My question is.... As a new Dom or as a submissive with an inexperienced Dom, have you ever had the Dom just adapt naturally to the role without 'training'? My Sir is able to read me so well and know what I need and when without having done a great deal of research in the area. He is enjoying pushing both of our boundaries carefully, he provides aftercare consistently and completely, and he is able to transition in and out of the role smoothly just as I am able to do. It seems surreal that by my awareness and confession of needing to submit to him, he has embraced that part of him that he was suppressing (for many reasons, complicated life stressors) and it seems that he knows exactly what I need and when.
TIA

AKittenforSir​(sub female){JohnBond} • Aug 12, 2019

I think it makes perfect sense that being the Dom you want/need comes naturally to him without “training”. Since you have a good loving relationship foundation, similar kinks (I assume), and his character and persona are naturally dominant it is very likely that you both could make the transition into a D/s dynamic smoothly. I think it’s important for him to educate himself about healthy Dominant leadership, kink safety, and about the needs of his particular sub, but that can be done with some internet searches and some in depth conversation between you two.

If he is meeting your needs and he’s happy himself, then some kind of formal training/mentorship may even be harmful. It’s the “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” logic.

The same can be said about sub training. If he is pleased with how you perform your role then a formal training isn’t necessary. He can just teach you things along your journey and correct behaviors that he doesn’t find ideal as they come up.

SecretSubSlut • Aug 12, 2019

Thank you... I appreciate the feedback. We are just seeing where the road leads us.

JohnBond​(dom male){Kitten} • Aug 13, 2019

First, i'd like to say congratulations! It is sometimes hard for a couple to transition into a lifestyle and I have read quite a few places about people having a hard time with that, on top of having had a hard with it myself in the past. So it is great that it's natural and everything is going well.

Second, I'd like to co-sign on the 'If it ain't broke don't fix it' training is really to help the Dom fit into his roll and learn the ropes / safety of it, and for the sub it is to help her serve her Dom as well as possible. Often though, especially in a D/s as opposed to M/s Dynamic, you don't need that Formal training as long as the mutual respect is there and adding those things can be harmful. I am definitely not perfect myself and have been to a class or two where I see something and think 'Hey, maybe I should do that.' and have to talk myself out of it because it wouldn't work for me or my relationship. There's really no right or wrong way to do anything as long as you are both happy and safe. It sounds like you're both happy and doing very well so whatever it is keep it up!

Azzabackam​(switch male){PawPawGirl} • Aug 13, 2019

First, this is super wholesome and made me smile.

Second, it's fairly common for someone, when presented with a confession of submission from their long term partner, to be familiar enough with them to know what they'd need from them as a Dom. I would, however, highly suggest he get some general advice from other Doms.

SecretSubSlut • Aug 13, 2019

Azzabackam,
Thank you. I don't know if I would call this wholesome with the scenes that are running through my mind and how I would like to see this go. I appreciate the reassurance, and he is doing his own research on this as well..

No Body​(dom male) • Aug 14, 2019

I have seen it. Guys and women who just slip into the role of Alpha. Even when they did not know they were doing it they just slipped into a new persona where they went alpha without thinking about it. I loved watching them doing it. I tried to explain it to someone once and they got defensive about it telling me they don't do that kind of think just to have them ask about it later.

"Training" is Not a Requirement !

CapnRick​(dom male) • Aug 14, 2019

There are no schools granting degrees for Dominants (or submissives) !

Of course, there is a wealth of self-help -- articles, blogs, etc., -- for a newly exploring Dom. I would not be so surprised at how easy it has been for you as a couple so far...the mutual respect and love, and the desire to accommodate each others' needs is a firm basis for your D/s journey.

You did seem a bit concerned by the depth and variety of some of your newly surfacing submissive desires.....I think that is natural, once the barriers society has put in your path get breached. WHATEVER you two do in private, so long as it is Safe, Sane and Consentual, and I would add an "M" for Mutually Desired, can be both arousing and acceptable. The world of kink has many areas which are unacceptable to the vanilla world. That does not make them "wrong" between you two. Take small steps, be clear that your partner is okay with whatever you both want to come next, and you will be fine!

Godspeed on your journey of discovery!

SecretSubSlut • Aug 14, 2019

I would like to thank everyone for the insight they have provided. I appreciate it a great deal