event horizon{NotLooking}
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6 years ago •
Nov 25, 2019
Hot take: Dommes are allowed to be insecure sometimes.
And it doesn't make us any less dominant.
Discuss. |
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Online now
justwatching
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6 years ago •
Nov 25, 2019
Absolutely. Just because youre a Domme doesn’t mean you are an emotionless robot. We are all people first before kink.
In my humble opinion, expressing your insecurities and feelings to your sub is a sign of strength and security in your D/s relationship. It is a sign that you trust your sub so much that you are willing to let them into a vulnerable corner of your mind. Expressing insecurities will generally lead to a honest and stronger relationship where both sides feel emotionally safe with each other. |
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MasterBear(kinky butch)
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6 years ago •
Nov 25, 2019
Sometimes??
Shit.. All the time. Control issues are born out of insecurity. |
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MissBonnie(dom female){oz}
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6 years ago •
Nov 25, 2019
I put my pants on just like anyone else regardless of kink. one leg at time. Of course being human, I'm going to have bad days and really good ones. The goal is try have more good days than bad..Today is good day!!!! Yesterday was crap.
Like MasterBear touched on, we all have "baggage" of some sort. There isn't a factory that cookie cutter stamps outs Dominants all in the same shape, all made from the same ingredients. My Dominance is kinda on a dimmer switch, some days it shines brighter. The power to my dimmer switch is always on. |
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ropefish
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6 years ago •
Nov 26, 2019
....I'm really curious, as like a 99.999999999999% sub, about that statement "control issues are born out of insecurity".
Cause I get it, I do, I understand that Dom/mes are not emotionless robots and go through the full spectrum of feelings just like subs do, but I guess... I don't know, I've seen Dom/mes that need to control out of insecurity or fear of loss, and I've always though, "that shouldn't be the root of your desire for control. It's unhealthy. Learn to trust your partner and not be afraid of their autonomy as a human being and then come talk to me". Control born of insecurity has always read as a red flag to me. Is there a balance? A spectrum? Am I just flat out wrong??? Someone enlighten me!!! (Sorry if any of this is worded poorly, I am considerably drunk atm xD) |
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event horizon{NotLooking}
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6 years ago •
Nov 29, 2019
RiritheSub wrote: Absolutely. Just because youre a Domme doesn’t mean you are an emotionless robot. We are all people first before kink.
In my humble opinion, expressing your insecurities and feelings to your sub is a sign of strength and security in your D/s relationship. It is a sign that you trust your sub so much that you are willing to let them into a vulnerable corner of your mind. Expressing insecurities will generally lead to a honest and stronger relationship where both sides feel emotionally safe with each other. I agree with you. I recently expressed an insecurity about how my dominance is perceived by others, to a sub who was interested in me. I was told that expressing this insecurity made me appear less dominant and therefor less attractive, and I immediately placed that sub on the nope list. I dislike that so often Dominants are expected to completely have their shit together, never falter, never be insecure, never be human or flawed. We're expected to wear this impenetrable mask of Dominance at all times. To paraphrase what you said, I am a human BEFORE I am a Dominant. Just wish more subs understood this. |
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event horizon{NotLooking}
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6 years ago •
Nov 29, 2019
MasterBear wrote: Sometimes??
Shit.. All the time. Control issues are born out of insecurity. Control *issues*, yeah, perhaps. But I don't agree that wanting to be in control necessarily has to come from a place of insecurity. It *can*, but I don't think that's always the case. |
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event horizon{NotLooking}
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6 years ago •
Nov 29, 2019
MissBonnie wrote: I put my pants on just like anyone else regardless of kink. one leg at time. Of course being human, I'm going to have bad days and really good ones. The goal is try have more good days than bad..Today is good day!!!! Yesterday was crap.
Like MasterBear touched on, we all have "baggage" of some sort. There isn't a factory that cookie cutter stamps outs Dominants all in the same shape, all made from the same ingredients. My Dominance is kinda on a dimmer switch, some days it shines brighter. The power to my dimmer switch is always on. I love the dimmer switch metaphor, very well said. I'm gonna have to use that, lol. |
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event horizon{NotLooking}
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6 years ago •
Nov 29, 2019
nawazakana wrote: ....I'm really curious, as like a 99.999999999999% sub, about that statement "control issues are born out of insecurity".
Cause I get it, I do, I understand that Dom/mes are not emotionless robots and go through the full spectrum of feelings just like subs do, but I guess... I don't know, I've seen Dom/mes that need to control out of insecurity or fear of loss, and I've always though, "that shouldn't be the root of your desire for control. It's unhealthy. Learn to trust your partner and not be afraid of their autonomy as a human being and then come talk to me". Control born of insecurity has always read as a red flag to me. Is there a balance? A spectrum? Am I just flat out wrong??? Someone enlighten me!!! (Sorry if any of this is worded poorly, I am considerably drunk atm xD) I think you're assuming that that quote is an absolute rule. I don't believe it is. I actually agree with you, to a point. I think a desire for control can spring from multiple points, some of which can be/involve insecurity, but that doesn't necessarily make it wrong. I think if the majority of one's actions come from insecurities like jealousy, possessiveness, etc, that can for sure be problematic. But I also think that if someone experiences abuse, and decides to use the path to dominance to help them overcome residual feelings of inadequacy or insecurity, that can be helpful and healthy. It all depends on how it's done, and what the end result is. |
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| witty bratty sub(sub female) |
6 years ago •
Nov 29, 2019
As a sub I absolutely prefer human first Dom second.....connections are most definitely stronger
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