A feminist and a submissive?

A feminist and a submissive?

psycoreactive​(sub female){Not lookin} • Feb 14, 2020

Hi,

I'm curious, how many of you ladies embrace your submissive nature and still proudly call yourself a feminist? This concept seems to be lost on the few Doms I've spoken about it with. Could it be the way I've tried to explain that the two are separate of each other in one is an ideaology and the other is a lifestyle choice? If any of you ladies, or even the gentlemen here could enlighten me on what you said or heard that drove the point home, this bright eyed sub would love to know what that was. And, of course, Happy Valentine's Day!

XOXO PsyRea XOXO

Richlydefined​(sub female){Gardener} • Feb 14, 2020

I don't try to drive it home. In my life those are two separate things. The way I conduct myself in public is to treat everyone equally and expect the same of them (whether they meet this expectation or not is irrelevant because my conduct is the only thing I have any control over.). My relationship is an agreement to an alteration of that behavior within the terms of the relationship only. If the person you're taking to wants to make an argument over your ideals the likelihood of you changing their mind is slim to none and I disengage with those types of people because it's a waste of time to butt heads with someone who refuses to even accept that you're allowed to have a differing opinion.

Lossofalme • Feb 14, 2020

I absolutely consider myself a feminist of the "radical notion that women are people" school. (with the term "woman" applying to any and all individuals who chose to claim that word as their own). I am also submissive.

Like Richlydefined, I don't spend time arguing with people who reject my core beliefs ("women are people", "transwomen are women", "informed consent is a bare minimum, enthusiastic consent is the goal", "deep dish pizza is really a casserole"... Okay, I suppose I'll debate that one ). I will respond or engage publicly in order to let those around me know that submissives (or feminists for that matter) come in all different shapes and sizes and opinionated headspaces. But my goal there is to be an example for those watching, not to create a lightbulb moment for someone who just wants to "win" an argument.

If you did have to have that conversation, for some reason... maybe push them a bit on other assumptions they might have? Like, do they believe that a religious person cannot also be a kinky person? Does submission=feminine no matter what (meaning male submissives are either not "real" men or not "real" submissives)? Do they believe that certain sex acts or kink acts are inherently dominant or submissive? Maybe if they see that one of their assumptions is false, they might also accept that their other assumptions are faulty?

I don't know that it'll have any impact on their beliefs, and it may just end up frustrating you (and not in a good way), but if you do find something that works... Please let us know!

Erick​(sub male) • Feb 14, 2020

In my experience, most women who are nervy enough, savvy enough, imaginative enough, and independent enough to be proudly sexually submissive are--not surprisingly--also nervy, savvy, imaginative, and independent enough to be proudly feminist.

Even if they are not necessarily card-carrying members of the Third Wave feminist establishment. But that's maybe just as well, since it seems to me the Third Wave has actually been running into some political difficulties in recent years, due to the belief of many people that once you have the vote and equal educational and job opportunities, you ought to be content and stop pushing for unrealistic objectives, like demanding that a man can't publish a novel unless a novel written by a woman is published at the same time, or demanding that you can't have a symphony orchestra unless half the musicians are female, etc. etc. etc. (And please don't anyone have conniption fits here. This is just my personal opinion. Though it's also a LOT of people's opinion.)

It IS difficult for a feminist to do the mental and emotional gymnastics of going from Top to Bottom to Top again, and so forth and so on, perhaps several times every day. And here I speak from experience, because sexually submissive men like me have ALWAYS had that problem--going back centuries.

And I wish I could tell you how the gymnastic trick is done, but I can't. I haven't done very well with it myself. I get mixed up very easily and am often Dom when I should be sub, and sub when I should be Dom. It's very confusing. Can't win for losing.

The real answer will emerge when it becomes more usual for notable people to be in BDSM relationships. When Brad and Angie, and Oprah and Stedman, and George and Amal, and the Kardashians, and Meghan and Harry all start spanking each other, then things will change. (Actually, I think Meghan probably already spanks Harry. Or if she doesn't, she ought to. It's obvious to me that's what he wants from her.)

NCarraway​(dom male) • Feb 14, 2020

What a great topic

Even though I am of the Dominant persuasion and i like to dominate women, I'd consider myself a feminist. At least to the level that i believe and want (as i have daughters) that women should have the same rights and opportunities as men. I don't see a conflict in this position. I love women, I cherish women and I want to empower women, but I do want to do it from a position of personal strength ... that is I want to feel Dominant in my personal relationships with women.

Over the last few years I have come to the conclusion that egalitarian relationships just do not work for me: I personally need that polarity for the relationship to work well. It also seems blindingly obvious that men and women are of equal value but they are not the same. On average women have a different set of strengths than men. I work with women and I work with men, and it is a different experience when the groups are made up of all men, all women or a mix.

I tend to be drawn to intelligent submissive women who understand all this intuitively: that within the confines of a relationship you can do what you damn well choose as long as everyone consents ... Submitting does not mean you are inferior, just that you are different in that special way. I have to say that I have also talked to submissive women who honestly believed that men were superior in some way. I have to say initially I thought they were joking but they were completely impervious to reason and rational thought. It was a huge turn off for me to discover this about them.

To my mind there will always be a fascinating interface between feminism (or as I like to think of it, intelligence and awareness of rights) and submission. I for one do not waste too much time on people who don't get it ... my life is too short to waste it on pointless conversations.

Carraway

BabyGirlFL​(sub female){His} • Feb 15, 2020

Some might consider me an anti feminist because I do have strong beliefs about general male and female character traits, strengths, and roles in relationships, the community, business, leadership and politics. I do believe as in most things there are exceptions.

However, since I have been with my dom I have noticed some interesting shifts. He is an alpha male, and at the surface some might think he’s a chauvinist. But my god is it empowering being with him. I feel so strong now that I wonder if I come off as butch or domme to people. I know that I am capable of many things I didn’t believe were possible before, and that I am continuing to grow far beyond my original imagination. He expects and encouraged me to take care of myself and my life and my children. I am not afraid to get what I want, and be direct about it. It’s how I met my dom so I guess it’s already a part of me.

MasterBear​(other butch) • Feb 16, 2020

Being a feminist is--- at its core--- the idea that a woman should have access to choices.

A person can absolutely be a feminist and a slave.

Because the other part of feminism-- at its core--- is a womans freedom to enjoy thier choices without external judgement.

And more over- the understanding that an individials choice is just that. Individual. And in NO WAY a requirement for others.

Understanding feminism is understanding what makes a woman free.
Understanding feminism is understanding what is truly female empowerment.

Telling a slave that they cant be a feminist is playing into the idea that there is only one way to be a feminist.

How can a woman be a feminist if they are married to a man and never negotiated home duties?

How can a woman be a feminist if they are in a same sex relationship and are separatists?


How can a woman be a feminist if she gives blow jobs?


Well---- she can be. In all of those.

Stop thinking about feminism as a collection of boxes that a woman has to check off and start thinking about feminism as a state of being.