zash
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4 years ago •
Feb 15, 2020
Switch off
Hi Everyone ,
I have a small dilemma and would like some comments and help. So the situation is like this : Someone message you , ( actually you message someone after reading his/her profile and you find it very funny and interesting and the best of all is that the avatar photo is not a dick pic - something super unusual on that site ) or you message him/her and you start a nice conversation, very light and laughable... than slowly the conversation moves to D/S ( keep in mind that you are very new and excited like me ) and there are some messages like small orders and directions that actually are turning you on a lot and you think “ yes , finally I would know what would it feels like to be online “dominated” lol”!!! And than after 2 days you receive the face picture and your brain and mind make a 180 degree switch! Don’t get me wrong, the guy is not bad looking , not at all actually , but his face is not giving me the thrill of domination . I mean his face looks so soft and ... sweet I don’t know how to explain ! One thing I know is that my likeness for following the directions disappeared. Is like once I saw his face my brain just clicked and said “ wow I don’t think this guy is more dominant than you my darling “ and Bam  I cant follow anymore . I don’t feel urge to follow !
Is this normal ? Z |
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Online now
DomJayy(dom male)
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4 years ago •
Feb 15, 2020
Hey
I think you just have to be honest and explain that you are not as interested in pursuing a D\S relationship anymore. That doesn’t mean you cannot continue to communicate and that you will suddenly go silent with them but you are both looking for someone you can be happy with and confident with in a D/S relationship . So you are doing yourself and that other person no benefit in continuing without the enjoyment you are both seeking. Just my opinion and I’m sure some very experienced people on this site will have had similar situations and can relate! |
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Misterasmodai(dom male)
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4 years ago •
Feb 15, 2020
On the one hand, the old adage that you should not judge a book by its cover rings true, especially in a more practiced area like BDSM. If your thought process is that he cannot possibly be that dominant, he looks too soft, then what you will probably end up with is a string of hardened looking fools before understanding that aesthetic has little to do with the very mental and emotional practice of Domming.
That being said, attraction is a nonsensical and overpowering thing at times, and it is perfectly acceptable (sometimes even undeniable) to have a particular aesthetic you are looking for. Just keep in mind that it is not the look that makes a Dom. |
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zash
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4 years ago •
Feb 15, 2020
Misterasmodai wrote: On the one hand, the old adage that you should not judge a book by its cover rings true, especially in a more practiced area like BDSM. If your thought process is that he cannot possibly be that dominant, he looks too soft, then what you will probably end up with is a string of hardened looking fools before understanding that aesthetic has little to do with the very mental and emotional practice of Domming.
That being said, attraction is a nonsensical and overpowering thing at times, and it is perfectly acceptable (sometimes even undeniable) to have a particular aesthetic you are looking for. Just keep in mind that it is not the look that makes a Dom. Thanks for the comment . I understand that the looks is not the important, but if I can’t feel the vibe , and The pull visually , than how would I submit? |
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Misterasmodai(dom male)
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4 years ago •
Feb 15, 2020
You may not be able to. That happens, unfortunately.
If you want to try and make it work, just keep at it. If he is dominant in the way you want him to be, it may alter your perception of what his appearance signifies to you. It probably will not be quick, but that will make it a deeper dynamic, having devoted that time. If you are looking for just some quick, easy fun, try masks. |
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Erick(sub male)
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4 years ago •
Feb 15, 2020
I have always found it FASCINATING, as Spock would say, that whenever I get acquainted with someone through their voice or their writing, and then only later see what they actually look like, I am nearly always profoundly disappointed. Ninety-five percent of the time.
It's true of people I have personal encounters with, and also of celebrities who are usually faceless, like book authors and radio personalities. I always imagine each one of them looking like a movie star and then--in the cold. hard, light of reality--they turn out to look like derelicts or imbeciles or psycho-killers or used car salesmen. But as Orwell said (or it may have been Coco Channel), by the time we are fifty, we have "the face we deserve." Our faces carry an enormous amount of information about us, and a wealth of truth. You can't really love someone--I don't think--unless you are willing to come to terms with what their face tells you. But it's also true that ultimately, reality is much more fabulous than any preconceived ideas we develop about it. When I was younger, I used to think that I could not be dominated by a man unless he looked like Charles Bronson. But now I know better, and what the man looks like does not matter to me anymore. I now know I could happily be dominated by Richard Simmons, if he said the right things to me. So my advice is to give this guy a chance, and see if you can't adjust yourself to who he really is. After all, that's part of what it means to submit. |
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zash
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4 years ago •
Feb 15, 2020
Erick wrote: I have always found it FASCINATING, as Spock would say, that whenever I get acquainted with someone through their voice or their writing, and then only later see what they actually look like, I am nearly always profoundly disappointed. Ninety-five percent of the time.
It's true of people I have personal encounters with, and also of celebrities who are usually faceless, like book authors and radio personalities. I always imagine each one of them looking like a movie star and then--in the cold. hard, light of reality--they turn out to look like derelicts or imbeciles or psycho-killers or used car salesmen. But as Orwell said (or it may have been Coco Channel), by the time we are fifty, we have "the face we deserve." Our faces carry an enormous amount of information about us, and a wealth of truth. You can't really love someone--I don't think--unless you are willing to come to terms with what their face tells you. But it's also true that ultimately, reality is much more fabulous than any preconceived ideas we develop about it. When I was younger, I used to think that I could not be dominated by a man unless he looked like Charles Bronson. But now I know better, and what the man looks like does not matter to me anymore. I now know I could happily be dominated by Richard Simmons, if he said the right things to me. So my advice is to give this guy a chance, and see if you can't adjust yourself to who he really is. After all, that's part of what it means to submit. Thanks Erick , as usual I love your post 
The thing is that , I have no problem with the way he looks , the problem is that I don’t feel the pull ... For me the eyes is the soul and as you said there is a lot of information in the face ... Normally if I don’t feel comfortable with someone eyes I just can’t like this person ... there are eyes and eyes ... ( mostly of the times I am right re trustworthy people and them eyes .) His eyes are ok , but not pulling my attention nor giving me buzzing ... I don’t know but I always had in my mind that a Dom would make me Submit just with his eyes and the way he look at me . Probably I am wrong ? Is just how I feel ... is not about the physical beauty ( everyone sees beauty different way ) is about the aura , attitude and dominance ?!?! Or I read too many novels 
Z |
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Erick(sub male)
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4 years ago •
Feb 15, 2020
Hey, Z--
I'm afraid I expressed myself badly. I didn't mean to suggest that I measure people by how beautiful they are. You're quite right that beauty is subjective. My own judgments about beauty are nearly always the opposite of what the world believes. I think most Hoillywood ingénues and fashion models are hideous. And most "character actors" known for playing villains and fools are actually lovely people. And you're right about the eyes. They are, as the Bible says, the windows of the soul. So if you just don't feel it with this guy, then you just don't feel it. And you're younger than I am, so you can definitely afford to be more choosy. Anyway, good luck in your search for the perfect Bela Lugosi! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BxMJi4v_63U |
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LaVieEnRose(sub female){Learning }
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4 years ago •
Feb 16, 2020
Personally it’s kind of why I like to leave pictures off for a bit, I want to know them and suss them out and then see them cause i think it changes my perception of them.
For instance someone I’ve been talking too, it took about a month before we even exchanged pictures. And because I’d made a certain level of a mental connection for me I could easily see him being my Dominant (I won’t tell him that yet cause it’s no fun if there is no chase, unless he reads this ). I’m not saying wait that long, but for me if you can’t mentally get in my head then it doesn’t matter if you look like Brad Pitt.
I can understand what you mean though cause when you’re new there is a little bit of a frenzy and a strong desire to make a connection with a Dom. I would say explain it to him but I would still talk to him because you don’t know what could develop but also you’ll learn a lot about yourself with every Dom you talk to! |
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MissBonnie(dom female){oz}
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4 years ago •
Feb 16, 2020
fantasy is hot, reality is not!
its very common online in the early stages without sight, the brain (the largest sex organ) is free to fill in the blanks with what ever rocks your world. Your mind can create the perfect stage. Where all the right perfect things happen at all the right perfect times. if you not attracted to him, its not going to work. Eventually you need sight. You cant blind yourself for ever. Politely decline and move on. Its no use lying to yourself or ..HIM |
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