Why is is "Okay" to ghost your sub/pet/slave?

Why is is "Okay" to ghost your sub/pet/slave?

Shanaya{NOT LOOKIN} • Apr 25, 2020

When it starts, you are just loaded with a lot of questions, preferences, attention and care.. You will be part of every discussions and plans and sessions and what not.
Gradually, you will find yourself waiting for their response from hours to days..
Finally, you will realize that you have been ghosted!! They don't even want to update when it's over!

I read in some post here and i had the same question to my master "is it allowed that a master can have multiple slaves?" and his answer was "Yes!".
Now this simplifies my primary query..

How can you even call such men a 'master' ?

MasterRon​(dom male) • Apr 25, 2020

I think there are two issues/questions here..

1. Is it "Okay" to ghost? - ABSOLUTELY NOT! And it's applicable both sides. It's not okay for a Master to ghost his/her slave and vice versa. If something is not working out it maybe time to take some time off from the dynamic and speak freely about what is going wrong and what maybe the solution. If nothing works and there are what is known as "irreconcilable differences" then maybe it's not gonna work and it is better to end it amicably and mutually.

2. Can a master have multiple slaves - it's a debatable topic and the answer will vary from person to person and I am only going to put down my views and fully aware they may not be be the popular view. IMO, yes a Master can have multiple slaves/subs. But only if the Master and all the slaves involved are fully aware of the situation and are completely okay with it. In such a situation it is the Master's responsibility to make sure all the slaves are doing okay and no one is feeling left out or feeling ghosted. If that's the case maybe the Master is not able to handle multiple slaves and that is again not okay.

LaVieEnRose​(sub female){Learning } • Apr 25, 2020

If you’re developing something and it’s been weeks/months or any long period of conversation then ghosting is NOT okay. It’s the childish way of not having to say to someone that you don’t think it’s working. Just a quick I don’t think we are compatible is all it takes.

If you’re casually chatting and conversation just fizzles, I wouldn’t necessarily call that ghosting.

And as mentioned above CAN someone have multiple slaves/subs sure you can do whatever you want...SHOULD someone have multiple slaves/subs is a different kettle of fish. I feel like if you can’t give equal attention/care/love/meet needs exactly the same for every single one then no you shouldn’t have multiples.

Re: Why is is "Okay" to ghost your sub/pet/slave?

rottenbrat​(sub female){Skyrich} • Apr 25, 2020

The short answers:
1. It's not ok to be treated like this if it's not what you want.
2. If they are not taking into account your needs for care and connection, then you really can't call them master or even dom.

So this dynamic sounds a lot like the posted definition of a HNG (horney net geek) in either my profile, or the thread "The Journey" from Skyrich.
This is usually someone who is not interested in caring for you as a person, but one who will use you as a means to an orgasmic end for as long as you will let them.
I got sucked in by one in the name of taking a risk... Well, it was the wrong risk. So I will ask you an important question.... critical actually....
What do you want out of your D/S relationship?
Do you want something for the long haul, or are you just looking for someone in the moment? This answer is different for everyone, and the only right answer is what works for you. If your Dom or Master is not fulfilling that, maybe it's time to take a closer look at what you really want and the boundaries that you have in place to support that.

Onlinedomguy​(dom male) • Apr 25, 2020

its never okay to ghost someone. Especially if time has been invested because in this world time equals emotional involvement. We all know, or should, how quickly an emotional connection can be formed as you go from nice to meet you towards consent and surrender. While we are each responsible for ourselves, we know how easy it can be to form an emotional connection when you think you may have found someone who seems to offer what you need.

i just don't get the ghosting thing at all. I think its cowardly to not let someone know it isn't working for any reason. Certainly not kind.

As far as multiple subs for a Dom, i think that is a personal preference thing and as long as it is nade clear early in the exploration of a new connection, then you can decide if that works for you or not. For me as a Dom, my style and needs are best aligned with one. That works best for me. Others may have different preferences and i think its fine as long as there is no deception.

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Apr 25, 2020

Did "ghosting" even exist before 'online relationships?'

i think there's some salient points made, things that i thought too, but will try not to repeat.

To my original thought/question, i think "ghosting" is largely an internet phenomena. One can disappear in face life, but its a lot harder. i think what often happens with ghosting is the relationship no longer meets the ghosts criteria or ideal, so they just disappear rather than try and fix or end the relationship. Either way, ghosts are immature and inconsiderate, so while it hurts to realize you didn't have a relationship with a person of substance, the notion you did have a relationship with a person of substance was, apparently, an illusion.

i agree with MasterRon: "it's applicable on both sides. There are people who will use the label "Dom" or "sub" as an assistive device for a broken part rather than changing. For instance, since we are talking communication, i've seen both 'Dom' and 'sub' people assume that it's the others responsibility to "ask questions" in place of self disclosure. i think mature people can have a mature relationship where there is a balance of self disclosure and answering questions, but some people want you to do all the work and don't self disclose, relying on the other to figure them out. Some 'Dom's' call that "serving them" and some 'subs' call that being 'taken care of.' Each could be just finding a way to accommodate their handicap?

i've seen it a lot in D/s communities; there are all sorts of traits that people will try to excuse as being "Dom" or "sub." For instance, i don't believe that Dom=selfish or sub=needy. The truth is, no one is selfless, and everyone has needs, but part of maturity is finding balance, not accommodating immaturity by assuming a label we think will let us get away with it.

Part II. ""is it allowed that a master can have multiple slaves?"
Allowed by who? There isn't a D/s police force and judicial system, interpreting and enforcing a D/s code, eh? Those things are individually and relationally determined. If i read you right, it seems in your case the question is rhetorical and the answer is "no?" If we are being honest and real, we all know that slavery is not supported by the laws in most countries, laws which supersede most slavery contracts made between D/s people. And most do not get to that place, it's more of a spoken agreement. Which is not to minimize the desire and intent of the many who take D/s seriously, just to say the tenets are, largely, individually determined?
As an aside, "multiple slaves" (and multiple masters for that matter), sounds like polyamory to me, and i see that as a viable option for some. i see an underlying idea in polyamory that it takes more than one person to meet ones needs/desires. i also see reasons to support monogamy, but i don't think there is such a thing as perfect. And, i think that is where most relationships fall apart, with failed expectations. An ideal i see in polyamory is the acceptance that one person may meet some of those needs/desires, an additional person may meet other needs/desires the first one does not naturally meet. And to me "naturally" is key. A simple example would be two subs, or two Dom's, would not likely have a successful "ltr," for lack of compatibility, chemistry.

We're complex, it makes a sort of sense to me that it may be illogical to expect one person to be the end all. i think a lot of the emotional disposition behind monogamy is culturally conditioned into us (which is not to dismiss or minimize the benefits one might find in monogamy). i think forced monogamy (vs natural?) devolves into a quid pro quo relationship that often ends in one or both parties feeling used (and used up) because they are doing stuff to satisfy their partner that doesn't come naturally.

skyrich​(dom male){rottenbrat} • Apr 25, 2020

Ok,

This has been well answered, but I'll put in my $0.02..

1. Why is it OK? This presumes that it is ok, and frankly it's not. Ghosting is an immature and cowardly act. Although painful, at least you got out of a relationship with an immature coward before things got more involved.

2. Multiple partners? Personally, I've learned through experience that I'm strictly monogamous. Some have said that if you can't treat each sub equally you have no business having multiples. I slightly disagree with that. It's not about treating them equally, and making sure of giving each of them equal time. It's about attending to the needs of each. In such cases there has to be a high level of trust and maturity, and a complete lack of jealousy and envy among all parties concerned. The question isn't "are you giving them all equal attention?". No, the question is: "Are you giving each according to what you have negotiated and agreed?" From the sub point of view in such a dynamic, the question isn't: "Why is he giving more attention to Ella than to me?". The question is: "Is he attending to my needs? Am I happy?" If your needs are being addressed and you are basically happy, why do you care about his attentions on other women? Again. such a mindset requires a total lack of jealousy. And that's not easy, and not for everyone.

No Body​(dom male) • Apr 25, 2020

If you have to ghost your sub/slave then there is a major lack of trust on your part. You take some one and put your collar on them that is it. There should be no doubt who you and they are. Ghosting them belittle you and them. It is wrong and you should not have them or anyone else.

I know a Master in New York that has his two slaves for over 30 years. Back in 2010 he was getting a third but after a few months left. He told her once you leave you don't come back. 7 weeks later she asked to come back he said no. I hear people ask how someone can love two subs at the same time? How can a man marry two women and love them both. I have three daughters how do I pick only one to love? My parents do I love one and not the other? I have filled my heart with people who do I force out of my heart to love my wife? Do you have a friend you would replace with another? You can not tell me I can't love 2 subs at the same time. Taking a sub is more than just a marriage vow or a contract. It is the ultimate oath that you will take care of her guide and protect them with your body soul and need be life. If there is room in your heart for another then do so with the same oath you gave the first and care for her no less than the first. Just understand that should one want to walk away it is her choice and you have to let her leave no matter what you feel.

My wife on the onther hand will tell you that a su/slave is a toy for her to play with and nothing more. She will use you and abuse you as you want but there will be no feelings. It is how she was raised. Also it is emotional cheating to have two subs and you are splitting your love between the two.

So there it is and you look in your own heart to find what you want.

Curious Raven​(other female) • Apr 26, 2020

Unfortunately I can attest that “ghosting” definitely existed before online relationships. And it’s just as easy to do IRL. If someone is so emotionally stunted and lacking in social skills that they are unable to end a relationship with respect, that’s just how they’ll operate no matter the circumstances. It totally sucks and is never appropriate. Hell, even Berger managed to leave a Post-It note!! Grrr.....

Expect that AND more online, it IS online after all.

TigerBDSM​(dom male){looking} • Apr 26, 2020

Men and women, mostly men talk to everyone they can, playing the numbers game. Never forget you are probably just one of as many they can talk to. So ghosting happens as their plate becomes full (remember they typically have only so much time to talk to as many as possible and still hide that from their typically vanilla wife and or gf, LOL).
This method is dramaticlly reduced as you move up the food chain of talking to a fantasy/poser/ waster of your time guy and finding a better quality of person to suit your needs. One who actually has desires in the lifestyle with you and not just hoping to get lucky with you.

Expect stereotypical connections that are prevalent to the interwebs. The dynamics are excerbated on any bdsm site by fools who target those who are new and wanting to prove their worth to those losers. They have a CONSTANT new crop of girls who seek something in the lifestyle and fall into their trap. They can and will treat you as disposable, since if and when you no longer meet their fantasy, they move on.

Been online since 1999, in the lifestyle continuously for 4 decades, mostly with live in properly, I believe I have a bit of knowledge. Seen the rise and fall of bdsm online. Sadly, girls attenpting to please, pleasing a loser.
BE VERY VERY VERY HAPPY the idiot let you go. Do feel sorry for the countless before and after you who WILL forever fall into their trap.