Covid 19 - am I over thinking things?

Covid 19 - am I over thinking things?

Sir'sGoodGirl​(sub female){Not Lookin} • Apr 25, 2020

I have been speaking to a prospective Dom for almost a year now, we get on well and we both seem to be on the same level as each other.

We haven’t met in person yet as I take this lifestyle very seriously and I want to make sure my new Dom is going to be the right Dom for me (last thing I wanna do is jump in feet first). Even though we have not met face to face, the connection we have I find exciting and it’s like he completes me in every way shape and form. However, lately I don’t know if it’s me just over thinking things (being in isolation with nothing but my own thoughts, getting inside my own head) but I feel like he is becoming distant. I completely understand he has a job which he needs to be doing and other things in his life, it just seems that I am hearing from him less and less.

I want to tell him how I am feeling, but I don’t want to seem overly keen or clingy.

I don’t like that we may go days without talking, I would be happy with a little drop in, a “Hi” would suffice just so I know that he is still there!

Once the lockdown is over and we can start venturing out, back to normality or some kind of normality. We plan on meeting up.

I feel like I’m stuck in a cycle in my own head, we will talk, I drop in the question if he is still serious on following up on our conversations and he reassures me that he is. I am okay for while but then I’m back to square one. I don’t hear from him for a few days and again start thinking “is he losing interest?”. I don’t want to bug or bombard him with messages because of my own stupid insecurities. Sometimes when we do talk I will reply, my message shows as read but then I won’t get a reply. Every time my message shows as read I’m always waiting and checking for a reply sometimes it comes, sometimes it doesn’t (most often it does) but when it doesn’t I get disappointed, when we talk it’s usually late evening and he does tend to fall asleep. When that happens I tell myself I’m boring him.

I don’t wanna let him go, I have grown fond of him...I don’t even know how I can explain it.

I just need more communication! Am I being stupid in not wanting to give him up? For wanting the bond we have grown?

Thanks to anyone who reads/replies x

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Apr 25, 2020

i would suggest sending Him this letter. i.e., i think you did an excellent job in this letter explaining exactly how you feel and why. To me, one of the defining traits (and strengths) of a sub, is transparency. i see it as a "strength" because i think few things take as much courage as to be naked and vulnerable with someone. i think it's a sign of maturity. i'm not talking about wearing one's heart on one's sleeve, but you sound like you take this person seriously, so the question in my mind, is He worth the risk of complete openness and vulnerability?
BTW, i understand i don't see or know the whole story and this is limited response.
Best wishes and hope things work out.

TheChimera​(sub female) • Apr 25, 2020

Tallslenderguy has the right of it.

You should communicate this to your Dominant. Within a dynamic, it's usually easiest when there's clear, open, and honest communication.
(Even if you feel clingy.) if he's the right Dom for you, he'll WANT to know where your headspace is at always.

Again, like Tallslenderguy mentioned; We don't know the full story, or the ins and outs of your dynamic.

But I am always an advocate of putting your cards on the table, and keeping nothing secret if something is bothering you.

Sir'sGoodGirl​(sub female){Not Lookin} • Apr 25, 2020

Thank you for your reply tallslenderguy.

I have major body issues. I have expressed with him my body issues and concerns and asked him if I could wear a something like a baby doll that covers my tummy (this is where my main lack of confidence lies) as I don’t want to make him shudder in horror with my fatness (he says he is absolutely fine with how I am and look, and that I will look perfect either way). He is completely fine with this request and he knows it’s something so important to me.

As soon as I am comfortable those type of insecurities will gradually fall away.

I am serious about him (in the master/sub sense) that I am in the process in trying to make myself look good enough for him, which is my own choice not his he hasn’t asked me to change myself in any way.

I just don’t want to disappoint him when the time comes.

I trust him completely in every possible way, I don’t know how but I just know that I do.

I won’t lie. I am scared of losing him!

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Apr 26, 2020

"I have major body issues. I have expressed with him my body issues and concerns and asked him if I could wear a something like a baby doll that covers my tummy (this is where my main lack of confidence lies) as I don’t want to make him shudder in horror with my fatness (he says he is absolutely fine with how I am and look, and that I will look perfect either way). He is completely fine with this request and he knows it’s something so important to me. "

Eesh, i get it. Insecurity sucks and i believe that our feelings always win out in wrestling matches with our reason, so no matter what we or another may tell ourselves, until our feelings are 'convinced,' we're insecure.

Something that i read in what you've written, and you even affirm it, is these are your feelings, not His. Something i have experienced in relationship is when i reassure someone of how i think and feel, and they continue to act insecure... and that insecurity doesn't stop, it can make one feel distrusted. Not saying you are doing or would do this, but i have experienced it. i believe our insecurities are our own and we have to come to terms with them on our own, i don't believe another person can make us secure. Our insecurities can undermine our relationships and can even cause our partners to doubt themselves. If they trust us a great deal, they may begin to doubt their own thoughts or feelings, and we can sell them on our insecurities. Weird, but i have experienced it. Relationship is fascinating, eh?

Sir'sGoodGirl​(sub female){Not Lookin} • Apr 26, 2020

I completely understand what your saying. I even try to have a word with myself and try to tell myself I need to stop as I could potentially be pushing him away because of my insecurities. That’s why I am trying to work on myself, my image. Not just for him but for me too.

In a sense I am happy with me but I always worry about what society thinks of me because I am not classed as what “society” expects I should be. I know this is wrong and that I should be taken for who I am and not for what I “should” be deemed as acceptable.

Growing up and even still to this day my image has always been pointed out or used against me. So it’s hard to try not be so negative about myself.

We all come in many sizes, shapes. But no matter what we do or say someone will always judge us for being different.

I need to be completely happy with myself then maybe I wouldn’t be as worried as I am as to what others may or may not think of me.

skyrich​(dom male){rottenbrat} • Apr 26, 2020

If your happiness depends upon the opinions of others -- prepare for a life of unhappiness.

Happiness isn't what others think of you, it has nothing to do with being taken for what you are or what you "should be". Happiness isn't what has or has not happened to you. Happiness isn't how much money and stuff you have. Happiness is first and foremost simply a choice.

Choose to BE HAPPY. Dwelling on negatives, perceived or real never brings happiness. Yes, by all means alter your behaviors if you want to, but do it for the right reasons. Instead of focusing on your body image, focus on healthy choices -- and the body image will take care of itself. Choose confidence over insecurity by the same technique. Make healthy choices for your mind and soul, not just your body. This is not always easy to do, but it really is simple.

You've put a lot of mental energy into a freight train of thought processes leading to insecurity. Just like any freight train, there's a lot of momentum there, and you'll have to actively put more energy into stopping this or changing course before your freight train runs over a cliff. Put in the work. It's worth it, because YOU are worth it. Start there. YOU are worth it. Don't just think it, don't just believe it. KNOW it. It starts with a choice.

--Rich

Sir'sGoodGirl​(sub female){Not Lookin} • Apr 26, 2020

You are absolutely right Skyrich.

I know I am worth more than I what I think I am I just need to change my mindset. Instead of thinking ''I can't'' or ''I'm not'' I need to train my brain to say ''I can'' and ''I am''.

I am worth and deserve so much more!

Every time I get into a negative mindset I'm going to stop and just think for a second to get myself into a positive one.
I just want to be positive not arrogant and the happiness will follow......hopefully!!

xx

Sir'sGoodGirl​(sub female){Not Lookin} • Apr 26, 2020

Non of my negativity has come from my Sir this is my own on going issue, he has been nothing but supportive hence the reason as to why i am so scared to lose him. only he can put me into a state of relaxation and this is what i want and feel i need!

some relaxation and freedom from my own thoughts.

when we speak i feel completely at ease and free. lucky to just have met him, just to know him.

No Body​(dom male) • Apr 26, 2020

OK what you think is needy we see and needing to know. You may not have noticed but we can't read minds (yet). If you don't tell us how are we going to know? It happened to me just the other day I had to ask what was going on to find out it was me and not them. Talk to us let us know. If it is real then we are going to be there if not you need to know.