newbie

newbie

BrattyRedKitten​(sub female) • Apr 27, 2020

Hello everyone! I'm Red, I'm new to this lifestyle. I'm just gonna lay this all out here and asking for some advice as a new baby brat.

I've always had a deep hidden kink side. I crave to push my boundaries. Before we get too far, I will mention that I am married. I want to approach this to my husband. I know he would be open to it. I just am struggling with how I can approach it to him.

As far as the lifestyle, I am definitely the dominant one in our relationship. I am driven, goal oriented, ambitious, I like to control certain things however sexually I am submissive. I'm a brat to be completely honest (according to the test this is every accurate). I had always had issues with authority and I like to be challenged but I like to challenge as well. It's the thrill of not doing what I'm told and getting punishment for it. However I do always want to make him happy by doing what I'm told.

Our sex life thus far is great, kind of vanilla but we've experimented with spanking, hair pulling, etc. I want more! I want the whole deal. I want to see bruises, and be reminded of our time together every time I look at them. He is naturally submissive in our life, but I know he wants control. I know he wants to put me in my place sometimes. When (we rarely) argue, I get a thrill of making him mad and hoping he will throw me down for it, and I see it in his eyes he wants to. It just never goes that far.

I'm extremely attracted to bondage, being tied, ropes, restrained, spanked, and choked. I'm not into age play (past trauma), I don't identify as a little, or any degrading. These are my hard limits. I am open to trying a multitude of other things though. Last night I ordered somethings online to get me started. Some rope, a new outfit, and a flogger. I'm just really struggling with bringing it up to my husband. I'm not afraid of him saying no, I'm nervous about what I might like that is beyond our usual... its nerve wracking and exciting.

I've denied myself from ever diving deeper into this because I've had so much fear around it. I was raised in a christian house hold. I was raised to believe that this is dirty and sinful but I feel at home thinking about it. I'm the black sheep of my family, I've always gone the other way. I also feel like this can help me heal past some trauma I experienced as a child and work through some things sexually. I'm ready to take the next steps... I just don't know what that is yet.

I guess what I'm asking for is advice, perhaps some guidance. I don't know how to be submissive but I want to be. I want to put my trust somewhere. Any resource suggestions, etc would be wonderful. I want to be a good sub for him. My apologies for the novel.

Thanks everyone

Red

skyrich​(dom male){rottenbrat} • Apr 27, 2020

Hi Red,

I have some good material in my blog, but first.... have you tried just talking with him about this? You explained your situation very clearly in your post. Have you thought about having him read it?

--Rich

LordofPain56 • Apr 28, 2020

There are untold thousands of people who live dominant roles in the vanilla world, but when they come home to hubby, they just want to let go and let him take control of everything (including her). There's not only nothing wrong with that, they may just be the best kinds of submissives IMO.
You can be a BDSMer and be a good Christian at the same time, and yes even go to heaven. There's nothing in the Word of God that prohibits BDSM specifically.

MasterRon​(dom male) • Apr 28, 2020

Hey Red.. Welcome to Cage.

You really described what you want very well in this post and I think that its always the best thing to be honest and open with your husband about your desires. He is after all your partner in everything, so it would be a good idea to have him read this post and maybe create his own profile on Cage. I am sure you both will need guidance and the community here will definitely help.

And you can go through @skyrich's blogs together to understand the whats and hows.

No Body​(dom male) • Apr 28, 2020

Red my best advice is to have him join up and talk to us. We can say try this do that but lest face it if he does not tell us how he feesl it's noy going to happen.I am her way to much so have him drop me a line and we will talk. Have him in the chat room and talk to us.

FunCouple{.-Couple-.} • Apr 28, 2020

Hello Red
As the Dominant one in the relationship let this lock down time be used for goodness and justice.

Get all your gear, put it on the bed.

Get your husband and lead him firmly to the bedroom.
Grab him by the balls to make sure you have his undevided attention and say words to the effect of:

“I’m board with this stay at home, social distancing stuff. Let’s just do something wild and crazy before we have a meltdown in the lockdown. I’m giving you free range to flog me on my back, my boobs and my pussy. To spank me, throw me around the bed like a rag doll and just generally use me as your slut. When I tell you no no stop, ignore me and fuck the back of my throat until tears run down my cheek”

“But, if I say RED, you stop immediately. If a shake my head you stop immediately. If you don’t , that empty jam jar in the pantry will be carrying these balls I have in my hand. Nod if you understand”

Red, it’s like pulling off a plaster. Hard and fast.

Make sure he knows to start flogging slowly to warm your body up and has read some on how and where is safe”

Hope this helps.

Please do let me know.

FC

BrattyRedKitten​(sub female) • Apr 28, 2020

Thank you everyone for the advice I’m approaching him about it tonight. Will update how it goes.

skyrich​(dom male){rottenbrat} • Apr 28, 2020

Good luck!

Azzabackam​(switch male){PawPawGirl} • Apr 29, 2020

You've already gotten plenty of advice here, there's not ,much I can add that hasn't been said. Just communicate your needs, always be honest, and don't be ashamed. He's your husband, your partner. You can talk about this with him. Think of it less as adding more to your relationship, and more as letting go of restrictions you never needed.