"Insta-dom"...?

"Insta-dom"...?

SkyV​(dom male) • Jun 6, 2020

Definition please!?! Google fails me.

An insta-dom is any Dom/me who is in a rush to gain any degree of control over a Sub, yes?

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Jun 6, 2020

i think, putting it a little differently, an insta-dom (or insta-sub for that matter), is someone who leaves out the other side of the equation in D/s. A Dom who presumes submission from a sub they do not know or have a relationship with (or vice versa?). For instance, i get emails from strangers with nothing in them but: "i own you" or "you are mine" or "Show me a picture of your ass," etc., ad nauseam.

Maybe, ironically, instant domination or submission is more feasible and appropriate after the people involved have gotten to know each other and bonded-after there is a foundation for quick or sudden domination/submission.

SkyV​(dom male) • Jun 6, 2020

Oh, well, then, I am halfway an insta-dom. I'd never lay claim to anyone in an initial - or even a follow-up - note, and certainly never ask for pics or clips early on. However, I definitely incline toward 'commandeering'. Especially if her profile states she is looking for training. Since it is via messaging, I just start with 'speech control'. If they get offended/put off, they poof. And I have my proof...

rottenbrat​(sub female){Skyrich} • Jun 6, 2020

You may want to look at the blog postings from Skyrich. He has a great definition laid out about HNG's/Instadoms. Strongly reccommended. Its mostly a "dom" looking to control and use a sub without putting in the care and committment required for the relationship. Its well worth the reading time even if TPE isnt your thing.

SkyV​(dom male) • Jun 6, 2020

@rottenbrat: I don't know if it was there already or you added it, but if the former, you might have made mention you quoted his definition in your profile.

I latch onto the word "...insincere...". I am very sincere. And inexperienced. The one can easily do damage to the other, I expect.

rottenbrat​(sub female){Skyrich} • Jun 6, 2020

Out of respect to Rich and my relationship with him I opted to steer you towards his blogs as he is another dom that can offer insight more inline with your request. I could have told you to go to my profile to read the definition if I were looking to cultivate something more with you...... but I am taken, making this inappropriate on my part. But I can always recommend the source, especially since I consider him to be well versed and forthright with others. I see far more valuable information in his blogs regarding your question than what is available in my profile.
And simply being inexperienced does NOT make you an insta-dom or an insincere person. It is part of the definition because of the nature of HNG'S as a whole. I don't know you personally, so I would not classify you as an insta-dom just because of inexperience. Hopefully this helps a little.

skyrich​(dom male){rottenbrat} • Jun 7, 2020

@SkyV

Simply put, an "insta-dom" , (aka HNG, or Horny 'Net Geek), is an insincere, abusive toad who attempts to scam submissives out of naked pictures, or phone/cyber- sex. This is someone who believes that because a person is submissive in general, that person must submit to them without any effort or responsibility on the part of the "insta-dom".

The hallmark of the HNG is a complete lack of any sense of respect for or responsibility to the submissive. To the HNG, the sub is hardly a person at all, but an object to use, abuse or misuse as he sees fit. Hence he is an insincere toad.

Inexperience doesn't make anyone an HNG -- it only makes them inexperienced. If you have the hallmarks of a dominant, and you are willing to put in the real work that it takes to be, (note to BE, not to act like), a dominant, then you *are* a dominant.

I invite you to read my blog post "Responsibility". It's about what a dominant is and what a dominant is not.
Also "Commitment" is about what a submissive is and what a submissive is not.

Notice the verbs I use. What a dominant *IS*, not what a dominant *does*. The "insta-doms", HNGs, or "Wannabees" only focus on the "what to do". They make no effort of self-examination to understand the difference between what a dom IS versus what a dom DOES.

Dominant is not something I DO. It's something I AM.
Submissive is not what my girl DOES. It's what she IS.

If you truly understand this difference, then you are well on your way.

As for inexperience... how do you deal with that in any part of life? You get some experience. You make some mistakes; and you learn from them. You do somethings right, and you realize it. You do something wrong, and you fix it.

I wish you well

Insta - Dom

IBreedBagels​(dom male) • Jun 7, 2020

An "insta-dom" is a term referring to a "Dom" who instantly thinks they're a Dom after watching a video, or reading a blog about it.

For instance, watching 50 Shades of Grey, then thinking "hey, I can do that, I'm a Dom now".

It's a term used to make or poke fun at "Doms" who claim experience while only having watched a video or read a single blog.

ObsidianOx​(dom male) • Jun 7, 2020

so an "insta-dom" is add hot water and wait five minutes.

Taramafor​(sub male) • Jun 7, 2020

This is actually the first I've heard of this. But I can deduce a number of ways of how people would go about it.

First of all let's clear something up. What has been stated here so far is BOTH true and false. Depending on who you approach. I'm basically stating it's not going to be a "one size fits all" situation.

Now with that out of the way let's have a look at a number of situations where someone might call another (or themselves) an insta dom.

I suspect the main reason this label exists is down to judgement and seeing others trying to be doms quickly. With assumptions made of them not knowing what they're doing. The question here is if any such assumptions are accurate or not. See, here's the thing. Sometimes you do get people that are "that good" and can do things quicker and easier then most others. Likewise you'll also get a number of people not having a clue. That does not however mean the ones doing things quicker are doing anything "wrong" or "failing in a quick relationship". It can easily be the reverse.

Sometimes a situation happens in ones life where you have to examine things like control. Perhaps looking back on your past where you weren't aware. These are qualities that will make someone a good dom or sub. Or for that matter person. The cold hard truth is that a lot of people in this world are ignorant, let emotions consume them and easily fall into denial without thinking things through. Fear does that. Which leads to ignorance.

If you're aware of the situation around you and can control situations around you and have not yet defined yourself as a dom or sub (good qualities for both) then that person is more able and capable (and therefor more "insta") then someone that struggles. It is not something to be taken lightly and it is important to not overestimate your own abilities.

Obviously, with the world being full of idiots, many people will rush into things unprepared. But that applies with any label. The question is at what point does someone know what they're doing quickly or not.