Degradation?

Degradation?

Hello Max​(sub gender queer) • Jul 8, 2020

I hope that's the right term or I'm bouta look incredibly stupid but.... I like verbal abuse a lot, but sometimes it's taken too far and I get distant afterwards. I like pushing my boundaries and I wanna get over those types of insecurities but how do I do that without getting resentful?

sir james ladies​(sub female)​{oh yes ple} • Jul 8, 2020

learn your trip words then tell him not to use them. before you say der we all have them but it's not just one or two words it's phrases that trigger us so talk it out first to yourself and figure out why work on it. you will figure it out and be able to tell him

SirsBabyDoll​(sub female)​{🍕+☕} • Jul 9, 2020

Yes, degredation is the term, sometimes called Humiliation play (tho, in MY mind, humiliation play is more physical than verbal...I could be wrong since it's not my kink).

I do know that you are FAR from being the only one. There are LOTS of people who "get off" on that activity.

For me, having been abused as a child, I cannot handle those words when applied to me in a sexual manner. Call me a yarn whore, a car whore, a tool whore....

But call me a pain slut, a cum slut, a bitch, a whore whore...to me it's a judgement on me, as a person, and my worth.

But that's MY internalisation...each person is very different.

Bunnie • Jul 9, 2020

The difficulty with humiliation and degradation is that it’s hard to know how far is too far until you hit that place. That’s why it’s so imperative to really only explore these things with someone you trust implicitly.

I feel that it’s so important to have a very strong foundation before delving into this type of “play” because it can be so potentially triggery. You need to *know* that you have the necessary support you need to recover should a trigger occur, but to also just have that strong foundation of trust with each other. Your Dominant also needs to be able to trust that you’ll speak up and share if things go too far, as early as possible.
This is an area that I personally consider to be edge play (of the mind), and I believe it requires a lot of responsibility by all involved.

Feeling distant or resentful suggests that perhaps there isn’t enough communication occurring.

SirsBabyDoll​(sub female)​{🍕+☕} • Jul 9, 2020

@ Bunnie,

That is so spot on! Thank you!

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Jul 9, 2020

A different take on this.
i've long wondered about my response to certain kinds of "degradation" and how erotically exciting and actually nurturing it can feel? my emotional response seems so counter intuitive.
To qualify, i don't respond this way to generic degradation, it's personal and specific, but i'd guess i'm not that different from others who desire degradation?
For me, there are two main types of degradation. One has what to me is a 'mean' attitude or approach, the other a matter of fact/neutral or even affectionate attitude. The first type of degradation turns me off, even repels me, the latter launches me into sub space.

i recently feel like i figured out why the first type of degradation repels and turns me off, while the latter attracts and turns me on. i think the feeling of degradation or humiliation is a culturally conditioned response. E.g., kinks are typically outside the cultural norm, considered "perverted" or abnormal and have all sorts of negative association. If we happen to have a kink/s as part of our nature or who we are, for someone significant to expose that in a neutral or even affectionate way, can evoke both the conditioned feelings of shame and embarrassment, but simultaneously be affirming. i find this especially true with the "affectionate" or "lust" attitude more than the neutral. When a Dom/Top degrades me and it's obvious He is enjoying it, that it is satisfying something in Him, it is especially significant for me because in that attitude i feel that part of me has value to Him, so again, there is this part of me that i have been conditioned to be ashamed of that He likes and desires... which is why He is exposing it.

Zedland​(dom male) • Jul 9, 2020

I agree with Bunnie on this. Regardless if the type of play if you feel uncomfortable and resentful of it then communication is clearly not occurring. You have to make it clear that this is not always fun for you because of x,y,z and that there seems to be a lack of aftercare.