Third party personals.

Third party personals.

notavanilla • Jul 23, 2020

When a person places a personal ad that ad is for that person and they are seeking a person for themselves. What we often, too often see is third party personals where a third party is seeking someone for somebody else. It is assumed that the person that this third party is seeking for actually wants to have another person to be involved with. We see this with poly style requests. This woman wants a sister slave for herself or both or more??? Why doesn't she ask then? A dom puts an ad in the switches group and seeks a switch female but he doesn't want to switch himself but wants her to switch or dom his female slaves. Who does she switch with? Then those that actually participate with that should be the ones making this personal ad.
I seen this over and over someone making this kind of personal ad. There is also this misrepresentation of placing a personal ad that is not for you in the switches group when you personally are not a switch. This should be considered true for some of the other personal listings as well. People can be quite murky over their intent and to have a current relationship but that person placing this ad wants to upgrade to a different or better person but doesn't want to let that current person free to find a different mate themselves while the other person is actually looking. Deceitful.

Any options.
i could certainly say more but let's see what rolls in over this topic.

notavanilla

Villanelle​(staff) • Jul 23, 2020

We don't allow anyone to post an ad on another's behalf unless it's one member of a couple or poly group looking for another to join them. If I accidentally approved an ad that doesn't fit within this please message me and let me know.

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Jul 23, 2020

Yep, this is a thing in BDSM (though i am glad The Cage does not permit it).

When i consider it, it's not all that odd in context. There are some in the BDSM community who espouse the idea that their mate is property. To a lesser degree, in some D/s relationships the Dom may assume a position of control where they place ads for their sub to assert and maintain their idea of control.
i have a friend on this site who is from another country and English is a second language. They inadvertently messaged someone already in a relationship and got smacked down for breaking the couples rules, even though it was innocent and not a come on (sub contacting another sub).

i'm not surprised at all that there are third person ads in communities/environs where some are in a position of being a possession.

Kara​(sub female){Dark Roast} • Jul 23, 2020

Those ads are usually couples looking for either an explicit or implicit unicorn situation. Either the Dom wants to assert his authority or the couple thinks that they might get better results if it’s the sub recruiting others for her D. I wouldn’t call it misrepresentation at all, but I would call it a good example of couple’s privilege.

As for the Dom looking for a switch for his s types, that’s called classical switching. Many switches seem to be dominant with one gender and submissive with another. Either that or submissive to one person and dominant with another.

It sounds to me like you’re a switch looking for a switch and upset with people who don’t meet your definition. I say this about any role: just because they’re not your type of x doesn’t make them an x. Just don’t get involved with them and keep looking for someone who checks your boxes.

notavanilla • Jul 23, 2020

Getting a few comments and that is good.
Now everyone knows how to use a computer. That is how a number of people found the person that they are with. A personal ad is a person seeking another person. If a person wants someone they can place an ad with their account and don't need to lean on someone to do this for them.
I recognize the idea and reality of slavery but that reality does not go everywhere as an example outside and in public places openly in every circumstance. Sure this is done but there are circumstances that exist in life where you can't drag a slavery relationship into the picture.
The idea of others deciding for themselves the makeup of relationships without the consent of anyone in that relationship is just something I personally don't subscribe to. My bad - NOT!
There are tons of misrepresentations of self that exist here and in many adult personals. I cannot stop all of it, nobody can but we should respect this important place and see third party personals as just that and hold off and wait if the REAL PEOPLE INVOLVED create for their own self a personal ad.
If you came home one day and there was a new person in your relationship that you knew previously nothing about this would be a major surprise to just about anyone and for many it would be a very negative surprise.
Many dom/dommes don't give a shit about people. Maybe we can be aware of this and what the makeup of these personals can mean if a person was not informed of a decision to include others in a relationship regardless of the nature of that relationship.
In some sense a slave is still a person and should have the right to decide whom they will be entwined with and not have a situation where a hot potato is dropped into their laps. The callous nature of various people trash the reputation that BDSM is a place where you have sexual experiences and relationships but there is no code of conduct for those that participate and it;'s just the wild west with no regard to people and their lives and commitments.

notavanilla

Miki​(masochist female) • Jul 24, 2020

Third wheels? Those don't have a great track record unless, as said above, it's a poly kind of deal and all are involved with the process.

notavanilla • Jul 28, 2020

The person the ad is designed for should always be involved. Never otherwise.

It does not matter the relationship that the dom/domme has with those they involve themselves with. What matters is whom is making a personal ad towards US. We need to know the person making the ad in order to make a qualified decision regarding involvement. It is not anything goes with doms/dommes when it comes to this because it is not something that they can assume and push that assumption upon US.

There is a misrepresentation that is too likely to be present with these kinds of ads.

notavanilla