How am I supposed to behave during sex? What do you like in a sub?

How am I supposed to behave during sex? What do you like in

DesertLizard​(sub female) • Aug 11, 2020

So I am new to all of this and one thing I started wondering: what's hot/sexy/desirable in a sub? I am wondering specifically about the sexual context here, as I am only sexually submissive. I am used to a vanilla dynamic in the bedroom; I have never been able to fully live out my submissive desires. I have a strong desire to be more passive during sex, letting the other person lead and take complete control (note, passive here does not mean unenthusiastic). But no guy I have been with wanted me to be like that, and so I have fallen into the habit of taking initiative, being active, making decisions. I guess at this point I am sort of confused what it would even look like for me to be more passive while still acting in a way that's sexy. Because many of the men I have been with specifically found it hot when I did the action, when I just decided that now it's time for a blowjob, or I assertively requested a certain sex position, or the like. So I guess a lot of the ways in which I know how to be sexy are tied to a more dominant role in the bedroom, a role that I do not actually want. Then again, I suppose there are some things that vanilla guys find hot that probably carry over to a BDSM context. I assume, e.g., that pretty much all guys find it hot when a woman keeps eye contact during oral sex? But what else turns you on in a sub, things that are perhaps not on my radar? Are there any specific things your sub does that you just love? Of course, there are going to be differences in preference. For example, I understand that "brat-tamers" are okay with back-talk and sass but other Doms not so much, right? In any event, I would love to hear your about your preferences and what you expect from your sub in the bedroom. And, of course, if you are a sub and have advice for me, please go ahead. All comments welcome.

Feileks​(switch female) • Aug 11, 2020

I can relate to this to some extent, as I was usually the kinky one in most of my past relationships, and therefore would instruct, inform, etc. I'm so used to doing things for myself that I will forget and even struggle to lose control. However, with the right ones, they'll compliment my submissive and it all will seem natural and easy to serve and submit.

Eye contact is super intimate to me, as well as it being restricted. I can be a brat; being mischievous is fun, but it's not a constant thing. It's important to not go overboard with it. However, each Dom who appreciates a brat is different from the other , and every bratty sub out there is bratting in their own way.

House Talion​(dom male) • Aug 11, 2020

I like many things from a sub when it comes to sex. I like to bend them over at any time to have my way with them regaurdless of whether or not they finish, but to still caress their form with the questions of care. I also like my sub to do as she needs to to please me to be on top and show me what I like to see while she pleases me doing all the work just to please me as she would feel all of me inside her

Aquarius Dom​(dom male) • Aug 11, 2020

A good Dom will control your actions control you at a pace of his choosing , drive you on to higher levels ! His will becomes your submission

Literate Lycan​(dom male) • Aug 11, 2020

That all depends upon . . . you and your Dominant. A great Dominant will take your considerations into account as well as their own and sometimes you go with the flow. To find the flow, you need that open and honest communication . . . as in all things in any dynamic . . . Communication is the key. Even in dynamics that are simply in the bedroom. Talk to whoever you are interacting with to establish how you wish to be treated in the bedroom and what your hopes and dreams are, and learn what he may want in return. Maybe your Dominant wants a wanton vixen on Thursday nights and a submissive Kajira on Fridays. If I knew you wished to be completely passive most nights, then I would simply take the lead most nights . . . Or Days . . . Or whenever.

Zedland​(dom male) • Aug 11, 2020

It does depend. I like fight and initiative in my subs, but at the same time I am always in control. How subtly I excerise that control depends but I always find a way of letting my sub know what I desire and expect of her. But in the end there is no right answer to how you are supposed to behave during sex. It all depends on your limits, dynamic, and what gets the two or more of you off.

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Aug 11, 2020

i think you should be yourself, as should your Dom.

i'm not one for 'role play,' and i despise quid pro quo. To me, that's why communication is always foundational. i think of D/s as a dynamic, that it is fluid, not static, so ongoing communication necessary. i think sex can help teach us better communication skills. i think the reason we don't know how to be or act in bed is because we don't communicate.

i appreciate the question, but are we really the right people to be asking? Is this a question that can be answered by anyone other than your partner? To me this comes down to how do we communicate with our partner/s before, during and after sex?

Bishop​(dom male) • Aug 11, 2020

If anyone tells you what they want, it’s only what they want. It is imperative that you and your Dom have a talk and share your expectations, thoughts, and desires. There is no wrong way to be, except the wrong way for you. Know yourself and who you are, then be open and honest with your Dom.

Cello Master​(dom male) • Aug 11, 2020

I am a trance Hypno master… I have a number of subs that I train through hypnosis. What I do is find out how we blend together. I find out her deepest needs and her deepest fantasies and help her realize those. One thing to remember, is that Masters and Doms want to please their submissives and slaves just as much as they want to please their Masters. This is what makes this dynamic work. At the root of all of this should be two people that love and care for each other‘s needs and desires.

That being said, as a hypnotist, after I find out how our dynamic works together, I take the lead and create the whole scene for her. After experiencing incredible multiple orgasms, she comes out of trance with complete love devotion and surrender… It is very gratifying for both of us.

OraclePollon​(sub female){NotYours} • Aug 11, 2020

You can be a sub and 'encourage' your Dom in lots of ways that aren't 'taking control' some of my favorites are simple. Pushing your butt into his hand when he caresses it, biting your lip, or my favorite is just a little butt wiggle when I am ass up.

Asking is always a good choice. "Can I taste?" "May I have" if you want to speed things up a bit. Plus getting told no, with a growl, during sex is super hot.