My Sub talking to her old online dom

My Sub talking to her old online dom

GingerWill​(dom male) • Sep 23, 2020

So I am kinda new to the whole Dom/Sub community, so I am not 100% sure on a few things and I am still learning thkngs, but I was talking to my sub today and her phone went she looked at it and put it straight back in her pocket and I jokingly said how I hated when people didnt reply straight away or look at the message fully as it may be important when she said "oh it's not it's only my old dom". Now I know she has had 2 Don's before me both of whom have only been online and she has never actually met them. But it kinda threw me back a bit that she was still talking to him as she told me he only ever used her for pics and videos and that's all her tasks ever were. can i be jealous or worried that he is now speaking to her again after over a year, she says she has told him about me, and I do believe that she has,


Now to my question - I dont know if I am aloud or can tell her not to speak to him.

Sir Don​(dom male){Not lookin} • Sep 23, 2020

First not knowing anything about you or her. If she is your submissive ? Then step up and make sure she is submitting to you. Establish boundaries with her and find out why she is still talking to him. sounds like she is not taking you serious. She is obviously not being upfront with you. This my opinion

Grey Eyes​(sub female){Owned} • Sep 23, 2020

My opinion is to find out why. Why is she hiding it from you and why is she talking to him.

Once you talk to her you will have a better idea of the direction to go. If it is a one time thing and she advises she heard from him only once and that she ignored him or advised him not to contact her...well that is one thing.

But if she says she has talked to him several times then I would suspect there is something she is getting from him that she isn't getting from you. It may be rectified with some brief discussion and changes made by you.

We all need friends in kink. That may be the direction she is going but I'm guessing not.

Sasa​(dom female) • Sep 23, 2020

If she is your submission she should have told you on her own. Isn't it about trust and beeing open? It is not about cutting off any contact, but hiding this... I wouldn't be amused.

Draiocht​(dom male) • Sep 23, 2020

Agree. This would be a hard limit for me. My personal rules for a sub include no contact with "ex"-anything, for any reason. I'm aware that not everyone feels this way so before folks get their knickers in a twist let me say that I make this clear to my sub up front. If they do not agree then they are free to set sail for friendlier waters.

OraclePollon​(sub female){NotYours} • Sep 23, 2020

It is interesting to see peoples responses. Seems she was open with you. Sometimes I dont feel relevance announcing to the world what I am doing. If someone texts me, and there is no ill intention, I am not usually robotic to be "it is an ex!" That seems silly. But you prompted, and she didn't hide it... had she said it was someone else , no Bueno, but as a submissive I can't help if someone talks to me, and don't want to really be classed into "No Doms, ever." But if you set those rules (if mine would) and she agreed, that is the agreement. Because I would respect that if it was important to my Dom. But you have not set those up, I would bring it up now, openly, and be happy she said who it actually was she was talking to. Not punish her for that honesty

I think you should reread the post .. She clearly is hiding

Sir Don​(dom male){Not lookin} • Sep 23, 2020

Re: My Sub talking to her old online dom

Taramafor​(sub male) • Sep 23, 2020

When people have history and lose touch, it tends to hang over ones head.

I think you're afraid because you're possessive. It's very normal for people to interact with others online when they have RL relationships. Yours doesn't have to be "threatened". See the following thread for more info about "Jealousy" and such. https://thecage.co/phpBB/viewtopic.php?t=3096

Either way, IMO (and observations) it's never a good idea to go "Cut off contact with someone you know". Strangers are one thing, but do that with someone that has history and it can get dark. They'll just end up resenting you for removing their happiness. Or if not happiness loose ends without closure. Keep the orders between "yourselves". Anything involving other living breathing people requires proper communication.

If she's hiding it then obviously she is afraid of what you'd think. That you will be negative. Respond in a negative manner and she will fear you. And not in the fun way. It could drive her away from you if you flip out. Keep that in mind. Show you're understanding and she won't have a reason to be afraid of speaking up on other matters in the future. Most people really do struggle with being upfront. Subs more then doms especially. "Honesty talk" could be in order.

OraclePollon​(sub female){NotYours} • Sep 23, 2020

Wait, your response to me is to just copy what I said, with nothing but a statement line. Then allow me to elaborate.

I did read it. I have been there, though I can't speak for her, that is not hiding. That is embarrassment. If I had to feel bad for every unsolicited dick pick I got unexpectedly, or every male I talked to that misconstrued polite and nice as flirting and sex, then I would live in a constant state of remorse. I have gotten those texts that make me roll my eyes that I did not want while sitting beside a SO. No I do not feed into allowing him to get jealous, but if he asks, he gets the full story that is honesty that is trust building.

I am not going to put myself in a tower because people on the internet (and exes) are crude and ignorant. Because I am nice and they can't take a hint. But I will be embarrassed when they do something unexpected in the vicinity of my Dom, and that may translate into turning my phone away. But you see it as hiding. So now my only job is to feel shame. Kudos.

KittyisWatching​(sub female){Protected} • Sep 23, 2020

I gave you my answer. Good luck!