Looking for special someone

Looking for special someone

awolnighmare​(dom male) • Dec 17, 2020

My wife and I are in a POLLYAMORUS marriage and i am looking for another submissive girl to join us on an adventure i dont post much or have many verifiable connections because i am on a career path that my lifestyle would be frowned upon so I'm active in this lifestyle when i can be in "SAFE" situations but less public but I'm honestly looking for advice on how to meet someone via this site and others because I seldom get responses any help would be appreciated

LaVieEnRose​(sub female)​{Kintsugi} • Dec 20, 2020

Get involved LOL write posts/blogs, go to the chat room (not my cup of tea but still); write a personals add and generally be as upfront and honest as you can be when asked about things

awolnighmare​(dom male) • Dec 20, 2020

Thank you for the advice I'm generally really old school about meeting people and the whole online thing just feels like everyone automatically assumes that the guy is a creep or a fake but this really seems like the only alternative at the moment because of the covid BS so here I am lol

LaVieEnRose​(sub female)​{Kintsugi} • Dec 20, 2020

I mean it’s unfortunately been ruined by loads of unsavoury guys out there, so yeah you will have to work harder to prove yourself. But subs can be equally as untrustworthy so it’s a two way street; just be as honest and open as you can while still protecting yourself until it’s safe to do as such.

Re: Looking for special someone

Miki • Dec 20, 2020

It helps to note that although there is a "personals" section and a chat room, this site isn't really a dating site per se.

I think this "lifestyle" would be "frowned upon" in many circles and to that end, speaking for myself, just like Vegas, what goes on in here stays in here.

Good luck in our pursuits. Indeed you can get what you are looking for somewhere, maybe even the Personals section and keep your career trajectory on an incline path.

SSG​{ENM-TLP} • Dec 20, 2020

There was a FB Poly BDSM group. I think they still exist.

djinni​(dom female)​{smplylaura} • Dec 20, 2020

People hate “unicorn hunters”, which is likely why you aren’t getting responses. While there is a small poly community here, but the majority of members seem to be seeking one on one romantic/kink relationships. I get it because who wants to be or feel like the fifth wheel?

Poly takes MASSIVE work. Trust, communication and planning to make sure everyone involved is fulfilled. Often what those who are interested in find are couples who want someone to get freaky with them on occasion but not someone who is welcomed into the relationship as an equal. It’s an obvious line but the “we’re looking for a girl to join us” crowd don’t, can’t or refuse to admit what is really going on.

IF (big “if” because I haven’t even looked at your profile or presence on here to draw my own conclusions) you are truly looking for someone to be part of a poly house then I suggest really fleshing out your profile. All the bs about trying to be “safe” when you have a face picture of yourself and your wife is silly. Telling people more about you, your interests and how a relationship with you guys would work right in your profile is a good starting point. Then blog, it brings people into your profile and world. If you don’t know what to blog about then participate in the challenges that are posted. Join in the chat rooms and get to know people. Have conversations, in this time of social distancing it’s the perfect time to go back to the art of conversation. Keep the thirsty bullshit at bay, anyone with a truly poly heart and experience can spot that a mile away.

If you are looking for just fun with a 3rd person then spin it at that and don’t talk about having someone “join” you and your partner. It’s semantics but the phrasing is key. Post exactly what you are looking for... in the personals here. There are places outside of this site that you can find someone to hookup with (or a sex worker)... that avoids anyone getting their heart tangled up in something that is going no where.

Again, this is based off of nothing beyond your forum post. It’s generalized advice for those “seeking to add”.

tallslenderguy​(kinky male) • Dec 20, 2020

Ditto dijinn.

Adding some thoughts as well.

i did read your profile, it's sparse. So is your ad. You note that you are in a poly relationship, but do not make clear in your ad or profile that you are looking for a girl to "join us." Short ads and profiles are not only uninformative, they open the door for those reading to fill in the spaces with their own imagination, speculation.

That you do not "post much or have many verifiable connections because i am on a career path that my lifestyle would be frowned upon so I'm active in this lifestyle when i can be in "SAFE" situations but less public" is self limiting, no matter the motive. People can only respond to what you are willing to put out there of your self. The less you put out, the less response you are going to get. It's easy to use and assume labels that purport one is like this or like that, it takes a lot more effort to actually demonstrate who and how you are by interacting with others. i get that you want to be safe, but relationship and connection requires openness that makes one vulnerable. Not suggesting you wear your heart on your sleeve, but the more you expose your self, the more you give others to potentially connect with. Finding relationship anywhere, including the internet, involves risk and risk management.

i agree with dijinn on this one. You are already on a BDSM site with pictures and enough info to make you un 'safe' in that respect. I.e., you are already exposed. Many of the people on this site live their kinks behind closed doors only. Places like this represent a place where you can be yourself among others like you.

To me, if you and your wife are seriously looking for a third to "join" the two of you, then both of you need to be known... and that can only happen as you reveal yourselves. i'd suggest both you and she get involved in the forums or blogging as a means to become known and demonstrate the level of seriousness of your intentions.

Kara​(sub female)​{Dark Roast} • Dec 20, 2020

https://www.unicorns-r-us.com/


Honestly, you’re looking for someone who has no romantic life of their own and who wouldn’t mind being secondary to your current relationship. 1000 BigMacs during lunch hour is a smaller order, which is probably why you’re not getting many responses.

awolnighmare​(dom male) • Dec 20, 2020

To me safe has NOTHING TO DO with having a face pic of myself and my wife and everything to do with personal safety per the physical idea of safety and I'm not looking for a unicorn I is the most unfulfilling situation I've ever been a part of also my wife IS INVOLVED bold of you to assume shes not . We are both currently looking for real connections seems like I laid everything out pretty clearly