Why is it so hard

Why is it so hard

Maiesn​(sub male){None} • Dec 20, 2020

I've always wondered why some people get so annoyed when you ask for proof of them being real. I understand why Catfish avoid it and would be angry, but real people who have nothing to lose verifying themselves? In a world where it's so easy to claim to be this and that, I wonder why common internet safety gets people so pissed off.

djinni​(dom female){smplylaura} • Dec 20, 2020

Those are the people to run from... far and fast. Video or voice confirmation was a must early on for me, but I wouldn’t demand much more until we got to a point that it was obvious that we were vetting for a dynamic/relationship.

What exactly are you asking for?

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Dec 20, 2020

i'll venture some thoughts.

Anger is an emotion, it isn't necessarily rational. If a person knows they are real, questioning that they are may hurt them. i think anger is often, if not usually? an expression of hurt.

There can also be presumption in asking someone for information that one has not divulged themselves. i always have pics on my profiles, but cannot count the number of times i have been approached by guys who want more pics of me, yet have none of their own on their profile. I know that is different from proof of being, but there can be a similar one sidedness behind it. The focus of self protection.

Asking for "proof of them being real" can also be a form of cat fishing. Some 'real" stuff can make us vulnerable, and there are plenty of predators out their looking for that kind of info. i think anger can be a protective or guarded response, and one of being tired of always having to be on guard.

Eagles Nest​(dom female) • Dec 20, 2020

Response to the comment. Video confirmation is a must for me, thou then I relax and won't demand much more until we get to the place that we both know each other better and I have honor, respect and value his company.

Byrdie​(switch female){rl only} • Dec 21, 2020

I'm unsure what's wrong with sending a imagine of oneself holding a dated "Hi Maiesn​!" sign. I've done similar to be confirmed as "real" by certain website admins, though most people seem unwilling to do even that.

I'm crap at long talks with people I don't know, but I think that video would be easier than phone because it would be more like a coffee date. Phone ... I dunno. I can talk on the phone for hours with my best friend, but I've known her for about 20 years now. I'm willing to do a brief, "Hi, this is Byrdie - just confirming I'm real" phone call with someone, but if they try to use that to stretch it out into a "tell me about yourself" (didn't you read my profile?) or "what do you want to do to me?" (I've never met you, how the hell would I know?) session, I get fed up pretty quickly.

CSI • Mar 14, 2021

I am with Byrdie on this one. G-rated live picture I can send to show I am who I say I am, but I can't even think of one time where I agreed to have a "verification" phone call where the person on the other end did not want to talk about sex, a specific body appendage, what they wanted to do to me/me to them, or try to engage in role play. I require more than that.

MalakaiY​(dom male) • Mar 14, 2021

You would be surprised how common catfishing is on this site, or in online dating in general.
Research suggests that around 20% of online dating profiles are catfishes, but I would put that near 40% from experience.

With that said, not wanting to do a video chat does not necessarily indicate a catfish.
Some people have valid reasons that are too complex to explain here.
However, if the person does not want to do ANY form of verification, you should just move on.
Forms of verification can include voice chat on a third-party website/app, or methods others have already mentioned.

Personally, I like @Byrdie's approach of asking for a picture with a "Hi [Name]" sign, as long as you do the same in return.
Both people should be mature enough to understand that the other person just want to talk to a genuine person.

SubtleHush​(sub female) • Mar 14, 2021

OK not so fast.

HOW are you asking for proof and WHEN?

I'm a published author writing vanilla content. I do not put my face on kink sites. Period.

Once I shared a face photo with someone and he sent me back my consulting profile on Linked in.
Since then I found out how that is done and most of us know about google searches on images now.
But to say it freaked me out big time is an understatement.
And in the end, it was discovered that HE was cheating on his wife, and pulling this shit on a lot of women. It was his kink.

At some point, if we are speaking and it's' going well I have no problem sharing a face shot, but you are not entitled to that at hello. Or even ten chats later. And photos can be faked too.

So just because someone will not jump through hoops at the start of a discussion doesn't mean they aren't serious. Very few people who approach me are looking for what I seek. Most, it seems, want role play and bedroom topping. So they don't need my photo to determine if we are on the same page.

Some demand a photo and my name and where I live. It's a short conversation.

When we are, sure photos are fine. But anyone demanding one upfront (not saying you did) are either collectors, and they've been around forever, or rushing things. Neither will get them what they want.

Your best tool for not getting fooled is to grow some patience and refine your instincts. Until you do that and are willing to really allow things to progress nicely before you get into the down and dirty stuff, you will be easy to fool no matter what photo you see.

Prove-Up

LatexHer​(dom male) • Mar 14, 2021

I have been in the D/s Community for decades. Have come across an incredible amount of liars, fakers, scammers, posers, and wannabes. These are the very people who ruin the community I love with their antics.
A friend of mine who happens to be a prominent attorney, provided me with an idea which I have adopted to help identify and call out these opprobrious individuals.
Today, I use the PROVE-UP System which seems to negate almost immediately some of this scum.

Here is how it works :

Once a contact is made, and the decision is made to exchange information, both parties may request a PROVE-UP photograph of each other. With most of us having the use of cell phones today, taking a photo is simple. Sending it to someone too is easy, and quick and easy. **** The Prove-Up photo is a photograph of one person holding an 8.5 X11 inch paper with the other persons screen name clearly written on it! That way when you get that photo you instantly know that the other person is REAL, is capable of following directions, expresses enough interest in you to reply, and is building up TRUST which is necessary in any relationship be it friendship or RL.

Those who refuse to PROVE-UP often have nefarious reasons not to provide this proof!


"Scammers , Fakers, Liars, Cheats" often claim that they cannot provide a photo BC they have jobs or positions which could be compromised. "Photo/friend" collectors often attempt to ask for more personal photographs to add to their collections. "Posers" ( kids, professional ladies, men who cannot find a woman, etc) use stolen photos of their sisters, mothers, acquaintances, or photos provided by trustworthy people - to make up FAKE ads.

"Wannabes" is a broad term encompassing this category. These are men and women living a fantasy in their own minds. Many are too scared to indulge in real play, others wish to be locked up, have fantasies about being whipped, pierced, cut, degraded, demeaned, slapped, dehumanized, choked ,forced to cum, used and even prostituted. However these wannabes will never act upon their fantasy while they use your photos and correspondence to jerk off, or ladies vibrate to a climax. These people are often loners, social outcasts, lonely married, widowed or divorced people too afraid of real commitments.

During my years in our community I have made a name for myself socially and publicly as either Master LatexHer or just LatexHer all over the internet. I have visited many sites, posted countless photographs "Approved by the person" in these. I have written several short adult fantasy stories which were published, become a builder of adult dungeon toys, and even have been asked to build complete dungeon spaces for affluent clients. So although I too will provide a Prove-Up when asked, most people today just do a search for my chosen screen name - LatexHer! It is hard to hide when you are open as I.

The system WORKS well to weed out undesirables. Yes, I will admit that I may have lost a few good women by my request for their Prove-Up, but that is a minor risk we must take to protect ourselves from the scum!

One such FOILED scum we weeded out was a minor child (boy) using his sisters photograph to make an ad some years ago on Craigslist. Luckily I reported it as it was obvious that the young girl was way underage! PEOPLE - take child pornography SERIOUS , it is a crime which can place you in jeopardy of arrest and conviction!

Do yourself a favor and try the system! it works!

House Talion​(dom male) • Mar 14, 2021

Stop rubbing it and maybe it wont be so hard-lol.

But seriously, ppl are stupid and get upset for stupid reasons. How many times have you asked someone or they asked you for picts? So easy to have a sign in said pict with today's date. It used to be that ppl would take picts with today's paper back in the day before cell phones.