Dom Bashing.

Dom Bashing.

Defender​(dom male) • Mar 10, 2021

I am becoming a little troubled at some of the responses to blogs by submissives who are going through a hard time.

It seems to be rather too popular for some Doms to set themselves up as somehow superior to other Doms, and start rubbishing them.

Of course there are Doms whose behaviour is appalling, and of course we Doms have a natural tendency to want to comfort a submissive who is suffering.

But experience has taught me that there are submissives whose behaviour is little, if any, better.


I tend not to read Doms' blogs, but are there a lot of broken-hearted Doms blogging about the behaviour of a sub, and then submissives queueing up to rubbish other subs in the comments? (I don't know, but suspect not).

By all means warn new submissives about the perils on here, and on the internet in general (if they don't already know).

But I would suggest that currying favour with subs by outright rubbishing of other Doms, is not the way to do it.

So come on fellas, don't be quite so quick to climb into the pulpit and set yourself above other Doms. You don't know them, or both sides of the story upon which you are commenting.

It is perfectly possible to give comfort and reassurance to a sub who is suffering, without gratuitous Dom bashing.


This is not in response to any particular blog, or any personal situation. ( I make no claims to be the "perfect Dom" - but just have an increasing unease about some of what I read).

So let's keep it fair - and balanced.


(And if I get bashed for this post, oh well......)

nuli​(sub female){Unkolared} • Mar 10, 2021

I find a lot of people bash/judge someone else for things they fail to understand. i try to never judge another Dom/Me sub slave when i only see half the story. there are three sides to everyone his hers and the middle.

I never understood how a lifestyle like this could have sooo many judgmental people who will bash someone/ judge them all because someone else said something they don't like. or they choose to live this life in a different way then what they believe the life should be lived.

~shrug~ i usually read whats here then make up my own mind about a person. unless its my Owner (never happening lol) telling me i cant whatever with someone else or talk to them. i wont let someone else's jaded ideas/post make that judgement for me. i am the same with people in the nilla world. just because you don't like a person doesn't mean i wont

Nuli

charlesutter​(dom male) • Mar 10, 2021

There is nothing you’ve said that is deserving of bashing. A very valid and well articulated observation.

Zedland​(dom male) • Mar 10, 2021

While I would never attribute such an underhanded approach to anyone else I have heard rumors that some people will commiserate loudly about the failings of others in an attempt to place themselves next to someone in a first step towards crawling atop someone.

On the other hand people have opinions and enjoy sharing them. And there is nothing more natural than believing your opinion is the correct one and others are an affront to that. Those that affront you must be destroy. Also let's be honest without people sending nasty comments to another the internet would be nothing but porn and cat videos.

Kelpi • Mar 10, 2021

We are all different and we we all have our own thing(s) and we hear one side of what went on. Yes there are some evil doms who thing they can abuse their subs. Then their are some subs who are only looking for sympathy for something that may not have happened. I am all for giving a shoulder to cry on or standing up for a sub who needs help but I have seen a cry for help turn out to be bull shit. Beating down a Dom or sub is wrong even if your right it is something you don't need to put out for everyone to see unless it will help others.

House Talion​(dom male) • Mar 10, 2021

I've seen subs bash Doms, doms bash subs, subs bash subs and subs bash Don's. I've even had the personal experience of having a sub and switch question what makes me think I'm a Master. For all of it I say you need to keep the negativity out.

MisterAshmodai​(dom male) • Mar 10, 2021

There are a lot of reasons to consider why bashing in any form takes place. Despite my belief that kink is rapidly becoming the new black (and all of the issues this entails), it is still a rather marginalized community. There is a lot of pride to be found within marginalized communities and pride does not always mesh well with variability. The kink community is highly variable, that is kind of the appeal, ‘be what you are’. Within this cauldron of wondrous potential you find misunderstanding, self righteous, and judgement.
You will also find that kink within a community like this one is largely dependent on word of mouth and overall reputation. As competition in any form goes, you will find underhanded means of getting the upper hand. A well placed (or ham-fisted) word in the right place can plant the seeds of doubt that diminish the standing of someone who occupies the space you wish to occupy. This has always been a means by which humans interact with one another, and is unfortunately exacerbated by politesse.
My suggestion is to call bull when you see it and get the greater discussion going. Just bear in mind that it is a double edged sword. Call too much and you become the one who is looking for it; another pariah of sorts.
That is a benefit of open human interaction, it eventually weeds out the insincere.

Literate Lycan​(dom male) • Mar 10, 2021

Although the OP indicates it isn't directed at a particular incident and I do believe him, considering the timing and the time, it appears to coincide with recent incidents of third party doms (yes note the lower case d), bashing other Dominants often under the guise of protecting or sticking up for some submissive. In the cases I've noticed, the involvement of the dom was NOT warranted nor welcome by either party involved. As was commented above, I think most often the dom is attempting to garner attention and brownie points towards "crawling on top" - good analogy.

I would say if you have something to say to another Dominant, do it privately. Publicly cat-calling is juvenile. Amounts to keyboard warriors. Might as well capitalize words so we all know someone is being yelled at. LOL.

I do agree if an individual is displaying predatory behavior, we should be aware of it and pass the information on to Cage Management for their actions.

WhatamIfightingfor​(dom male) • Mar 11, 2021

The more emotionally important and closer to the heart in matters a group the more unstable it becomes. Not just here but in other communities I have seen this behavior. It i a very poor way of resolving things, working things out, and given the deeply intimate nature of what is spoken here it is ever hard not to make things overly personal, resulting in the degrading of others.

Aquarius Dom​(dom male) • Mar 11, 2021

There are and always will be the higher court individuals on either side of the slash ! Their way is the only true way, and any disparity is to be rejected out of hand !

An example of this might be the fact I dislike beetroot, the dislike is not based on an allergy or anything I just intensely dislike it

Person A, smiles, makes a joke about it and moves on
Person B, tries to convince me it’s just a vegetable suck it up buttercup and stop being a whiner
Person C, sympathises with me , and whilst they like the said vegetable they don’t try and force their choice into me, they accept my POV
Person D, launches a tirade that I’m being veggieist, I should be banned forever for even daring to voice such a thing, that it goes completely against their “path” which is the only true path !