A little advice...

A little advice...

annabellestasia​(sub female) • Mar 11, 2021

Hey everyone!

It’s been a while since I posted here, so I hope you don’t mind my popping back to ask you a question...

I have met someone recently who is what I’d been hoping to meet for a long time... He has also opened my eyes to some new kink which I never previously knew was for me.

In the confines of the more traditional D/s exchange, I feel nothing but enjoyment but we’ve been exploring more of the dynamics of DD/lg and it makes me feel very, very needy and dependable and off balance, constantly.... Which I’m really struggling with as even when not playing, I find it hard to shake the role of wanting to feel looked after and like LG. This is very weird for me as it’s just not me, I am very alpha day to day and I’m struggling with this feeling.

Is this because it’s new? The kink consumes my mind constantly and so I can’t shake this feeling - please help, or I’ll likely spontaneously combust.

Jack of all doms​(dom male) • Mar 11, 2021

Hello,

First of all, be aware while this is a problem, it is a problem most of us would long to have so do try and enjoy this "problem", not all challenges are suffering, some are quite pleasurable. I think this can be one of those for you.

Second, you I would suggest that perhaps this is you--just a side you've either successfully ignore or suppressed up to this point. As you say in post, this isn't who you are in your vanilla world, its probably a side you can't engage in easily because of the demands of the roles you play in your life at work, at home, among friends, etc., etc., which undoubtedly makes this all the more attractive to you on a subconscious level. This also explains why you are drawn to it and consumed by thoughts of it, you're letting that side of yourself out and she is starved for attention and time so she is screaming for your attention.

My advice to you is to not shake this feeling. Some part of you is asking for this and, while making you feel uncomfortable and unbalanced, probably because you're feeling very needy and not used to this, its something you want even if you can't or won't acknowledge the need consciously. I would try and express this feeling through whatever medium your comfortable with--a story, poem or a painting or song, even just writing down your thoughts and impressions so that you can come to grips with this feeling and decide how best to address it.

I would force this side of you back under your conscious mind again as she will only come out later even stronger or possibly cause other side effects like depression or panic attacks. You won't be working on those feelings and integrating them into your personality, you'll be suppressing them and forcing them to come out in other ways that may not be healthy for you or those around you.

Good luck in your journey and hopefully you have a trusted dom who can help you with these feelings.

X

House Talion​(dom male) • Mar 11, 2021

This is an old problem that many before you have had. My solution is to find a way of switching from one dynamic to the other. It could be wearing a bib or a specific charm or even a command word

yourbootsownme​(sub male) • Mar 11, 2021

I think it is entirely possible that, as you suggest, the power of the desire you're feeling is because of how new it is, both the kink and the relationship.

Dichotomy in kink versus day to day "public" persona is common, and you may have a lot of built-up tension that has been looking for just this kind of release.

Unfortunately I don't have any specific ideas on how to control yourself and keep an even keel, except breathing exercises and focus meditation. That, and setting personal rules for yourself to limit the amount of time every week you spend in play. With everything so new and exciting it is easy to dive too deep, or to ignore your gut. I'm not suggesting the person you've met is a danger or bad or anything of the sort, but it's always a good idea to avoid too much dependence (emotionally or otherwise) until you've had time for the dust to settle. It takes a while for two people to become comfortable enough to slip into familiarity and step out of "best behavior" mode.

Jack of all doms​(dom male) • Mar 11, 2021

Opps I left out a crucial word in my post:

"I would NOT force this side of you back under your conscious mind again as she will only come out later even stronger or possibly cause other side effects like depression or panic attacks."

It changes the meaning completely about what I said so I wanted to address it without removing the rest of my post.

Re: A little advice...

Boetius​(dom male) • Mar 12, 2021

If you have a supporting partner, go with it. It is very common for many 'littles' to be alpha in the adult world.

KisforKitten​(sub female) • Mar 12, 2021

If it's any consolation when I first started exploring my little side I felt very similar, it ate me up inside until I felt I couldn't be anything else other than little.

It worried me because I thought what if this behaviour starts to seep into my 'normal' life, my work life, family life, social life!

I started to realise that actually being little, in the right places, made me feel amazing and so in touch with myself. It took a little while but I got there. I also found being given the space to explore and experience helped me to come to terms with what felt like a new me. Like yourself I found this me through the help of my Daddy, he was very understanding and always says you be as little or big as you need to be and i'll be here for whatever you need.

I think to an extent part of how I got through was because it was new and after a while the rest of life just seeped back in again and I found a balance. Partly also because like I said I learnt to embrace it and accept it by being given a safe space to do so.

I also found talking about it really helpful with Daddy, just expressing exactly how I felt was freeing and got it out of my head so for a little while it felt a little clearer.

Hope that helps a little. Always here if you need to natter.

Kitten xxx

Kelpi • Mar 13, 2021

So many years ago I found a new part of me that I never knew. It was powerful and strong and there where times I thought it would take over completely. I was told to talk to it and get to know and understand it but never try and hide it or push it back. Let it out when I could and do not fear it because it has always been there just hidden in the shadows. Time and understanding between us was the key. Once we got to know each other we could become one and Oh how great that was.
Do not fear or hide who you are becoming let it out and let it run free when you can but never try and push it away. It is part of you embrace and enjoy.

Aquarius Dom​(dom male) • Mar 13, 2021

Please don’t spontaneously combust, it makes such a mess for Daddy to have to clean up !

But to answer your question, in my humble opinion Ddlg is probably the most complex dynamic as it impinges on almost every aspect your life, it’s the most beautiful emotional journey of freeing your little ! It’s physically satisfying in so many ways when you understand what it’s doing to you , and it’s deeper innocence is the big you stripped of the rigours of the real world and daily grind !

Don’t fear it embrace it, finding the right Daddy will take you on a journey that will shape you forever !

annabellestasia​(sub female) • Mar 13, 2021

Thank you so much for all of the responses of support. The general consensus is that I must embrace this and enjoy the journey. I feel like I need to talk more about this, here, as just reading the responses alone has been so comforting to know these feelings are normal.

At the moment it feels to have thrown everything out of kilt. I can’t think straight at work and I want to be alone a lot, as I think I’m processing all the thoughts - and these things worry me as I’m usually driven by work and family!