Unfair makes fair. Huh.

Steellover​(sub male) • Sep 3, 2021

Most of the time, I have found that trying to pursue someone who is not interested (and explicitly tells you so) is a waste of time. Both your time and theirs. I just move on to the next person. And as an addendum to this, guard your feelings: Don't let yourself develop a "crush" on someone until the relationship has evolved beyond just messaging back and forth, and you actually have real-time interaction with them. And even then, step back and be logical about it. That way, a rejection won't sting as much.

Miki • Sep 4, 2021

(Quote truncated because my reply is narrow in scope)

Hey sounds like me!!! I try to be very polite, genial, even when I decline an invitation of any sort which doesn't scoop my ice cream.

If someone persists I, too, experience a sharp drop in patience.. Not just because they might annoy me with hard-headed persistence , but more because saying "No Thanks" to someone who might or might not be a wonderful person is no picnic and actually is just as hard as hearing it. I honestly hate that and want the conversation to end promptly.

I don't pull on a proverbial cloak of superiority and get my jollies out of hurting someone's feelings, it is honestly because the person doing the inviting simply doesn't ring my bell.

When asked "why" that's how I respond.

Fortunately I can say that once I give that reply, IRL at least, they "get it" and move on.

Online? Different animal altogether. I've had my fair share of dudes with bigger virtual balls than common sense and when I deal with those I do find myself having to get brusque with them and eventually dropping the conversation.

Sir'smisty​(sub female) • Sep 4, 2021

Let me make my stance on this clear from the start:

cajoling = consent violation

I've had the flip side of the OP's description happen to me before. A sub male kept begging and asking and pleading for me to play with them.
I was firm but not rude.

Then I realised that my rejection was arousing them. It was their kink!!! They were happy I was rejecting them. And they kept asking so I'd become firmer and firmer in my rejection, which would fan their flames even more.

I made sure to break all contact. I ensuredI was never alone with them again. I blocked them on all platforms we had contact.

Why?

Because I felt violated. My limits were ignored. It was a clear consent violation. Being a submissive doesn't free you from that burden of obtaining clearly articulated, enthusiastic consent before play starts.
I felt like a mastubator, and that I never signed up for one. I was roped into someone's kink without my consent.

dollMaker​(dom male) • Sep 5, 2021

I very rarely make approaches, but if I did, and its clear they are not interested I leave them alone. Thats basic human decency and respect, accepting their lack of interest.

It doesn’t matter what you think, how ideal they look etc, if they are not interested thats it. To do more is not cool, like seriously un cool.

I have had someone beg me on here, in lobby, via pm etc repeatedly and I ended up blocking them because they would not take no for an answer. There was nothing in heaven or earth that could have persuaded me to take them on.

I have also been on the receiving end of cajoling, and regular pushing, disrespectfuly against my boundaries and limits, in a they don’t apply to me surely manner. Yes they do and did. I ended that involvement.

Sir'smisty​(sub female) • Sep 5, 2021

A hard limit for myself on this matter is that, if someone can't respect my 'no' when I am outside of a scene, there is no way in hell I'd trust them to respect my word inside a scene or when we're In relationship and they are upset.

Red flags aflying all over this.

Taramafor​(sub male) • Sep 9, 2021

Let's get one thing clear here. You do not decide what my (or anyone elses) place is. That is, frankly, NOT your choice. What you said is false and incorrect. All you're doing is letting your fear get the better of you.

As is everyone else that's replying apparently. Are you guys even trying to have an open mind about this?

It is my place. It's not YOUR choice. It's MINE. I decide for myself that it is my place. The only thing I am "desperate" for is honesty. I don't leave people to their assumptions. Unlike you.

You forget the concept of changing minds. People communication for a reason. Honesty is honesty. You just said it yourself. "Even if they are wrong". Wrong is false. Wrong is "not true". If someone tells me a LIE (or what I believe to be a lie) then I challenge it.

Would you want to be lying to yourself? Do you LET people do that? You don't get people interested in you by letting them bullshit you. It's all in the corrections. You correct each other. Call each other into question. Mistrust is a GOOD thing at times. It's healthy and keeps you honest when it's not misplaced. If you don't then it's only going to be continued misunderstandings. You can walk away at any time. There's the door. But for some reason or another they CHOSE to stay and talk things out until we worked things out. And you want to demonize me?

Telling you what I told them. "Apathy won't save us." You don't talk things out then you don't work things out. It's that simple. And if you don't do things then you don't find proof. Also simple. This isn't rocket science. Are your assumptions born from fear accuate or not? It's like you people don't even value the truth.

We did things. They worried about nothing. Even enjoyed it and had fun. Just as I knew they would. I know how to adapt with people. I can only speak for myself and my own results. What are yours? Avoidence and fear by the sounds of it. Inability to confront and challenge based on what you say.

Christ. This is like trying ot explain 1+1 to a five year old. The ends justify the means. Don't like the truth? Tough fucking shit. But honesty is what makes trust. Get that into your thick heads right now.

Newsflash. How can someone know if they're interested or not when the DON'T KNOW YOU? THAT is what changed their mind. Logically they didn't know enough to know one way or the other. Is this a statement you agree with or disagree with? Because anytime people FIND OUT they realize things aren't as they appear to be.

SubtleHush​(sub female) • Sep 9, 2021

14 intelligent and reasonable responses to this and what does the OP say?

We're wrong.

Logically he has to believe that (OK he doesn't believe it. He knows we're right, but that violates his self-defense of bullying and abuse.)

The same stance of pushing people past their rejection, deciding they don't know themselves. and applauding himself to be 100% wrong each and every fucking time, is the same approach he uses here in response.

It isn't that some people can't be taught a better way or don't understand.
It's that they have literally one approach to all things. In this case, it's the 2 yr old stamping his feet in the dirt and screaming.

Except, in this case, I think this particular 2 yr old has serious mental/emotional issues and needs much much more than a spanking.

Good grief.

I_am_the_Sea​(sub male){One Day} • Sep 9, 2021

False, what I am doing is allowing that person I am interacting with to decide their involvement with me. Fear plays no part in respecting people's wishes.


False, your place ends at disregarding the other person's wishes. It's a respect thing...


False, The above is pretzel logic. Going from binary (True\False) to grey fuzzy logic (what I believe to be a lie). As such, all conclusions drawn from this will be in error. All your actions based off of these truths will be, accordingly, in error also.


No, just educate you. To let you know how you come off to other people.


This is all conjecture and your experience as an unreliable narrator, I am SURE YOU had fun and enjoyed it.


OK, now just stop. Stop. And breathe....

Do you understand the statement "The ends justify the means"? You know what that means correct? It means I have a goal. And whatever I have to do no matter how heinous , whoever I have to hurt, no matter what damage I inflict I simply don't care if I get what I desire.

This is the default positions of strongmen and despots throughout history. If ONLY, IF ONLY they could get to their goal the world would be a UTOPIA! So whatever happens, whoever gets hurt well, whatever gets burned to the ground, it's all for the greater good. Don't like it? Tough fucking shit! Don't worry, you'll love it once I get the ends I want. Mao Killed over 20 Million. Don't worry, the ends justifies the means. Stalin killed over 9 Million. Don't worry, the ends justifies the means. Pol Pot killed over 2 Million (over 25% of the Cambodia's population) Don't worry, the ends justifies the means.

Only those without morals or controls or boundaries use the phrase "The ends justify the means" joyfully and with willful intention.

You need to stop. You need to take a breath. Get help. Multiple posts by you and your reaction to them shows that you need help.

I will not debate you any more. I will not reply anymore to any of your posts. You are dangerous in your entitlement.

You no longer exist to me
~I_am_the_Sea

SweetSirRendering​(sub female) • Sep 9, 2021

the previous commenter said so much of what i have been wanting to say, but i want to add a cliche we have here.

other people should not be treated as if they are our kink dispensers, disregarding their wants and needs. some people talk a lot about what they want, but never utter a word about the living breathing person they are trying to bend to their will and bidding. being a bottom or topping from does not equate submission and lack of respect for another’s autonomy does not a healthy relationship build.

dollMaker​(dom male) • Sep 9, 2021

I think its been a really useful thread, red flags, a plenty, have been un rolled and hoisted for all to see.

Of course the op can't see these, otherwise they would have quit and accepted the views of those who can see the consent issues in their arguments. Its really pretty simple -

A 'Hello I would like to get to know you.'

B 'No thank you'

A 'You are wrong, getting to know me would be really cool.'

B 'No thank you.'

A continues and pushes and ignores B's very clearly expressed no. B then blocks A as A is obviously someone who does not care what B thought, or wanted. If A won't listen to that simple no, respect it and move on what else will A think they don't need to listen to? No one has a right to push themselves on someone who does not want to know them. To think that's ok is wrong, and a lot more.