Men, what you need to know.

Woah..

Noire{Owned (NH)} • Nov 6, 2021

First off.. Wow.. The energies in this forum feel like a hurricane. But I’m shocked to have read some of the responses I’ve seen.
As individuals.. Who inhabit..These sacs of flesh.
We have our own individual struggles with our reflections. I dare say many individuals struggle with body dysmorphia as it is…

So to read some of these heavy responses to people’s weight, how they look, their insecurities… How someone views themselves. Is such a vulnerable space to be in… This should be treated as if it were fragile. Seeing this vulnerability met with such hostility is heartbreaking for me. This is a chance for many to step outside of themselves and insert empathy. Dismissing and trampling over someone’s emotions is a selfish thing to do.

Now since I read so many personable responses I want to also share my vulnerability. In hopes of returning this topic into the safe space it should have stayed…

I was at one point in time overweight. In a span of five years I lost over 110 pounds. I’m currently considered a “plus sized” woman. I struggled a lot with my own self love. Especially when my body reduced in size. It was as if I saw someone else every time I looked in the mirror. It took a long time for me to love and care for this body I inhibit now. But I’d be damned.. If a dominant or anyone looked at me now.. An told me “you need to lose weight.”

Because HONEY!! I’ve lost the weight I needed to a long time ago to feel as healthy as I do now. I love this skin I am in. I love the jiggle my ass an thighs have when I walk away from foolish people.. I’m damn proud of it. Soooo either die between these thick thighs or shut your ass up!! PERIOD!

Have a goodnight.

Acidic Lollipop​(sub female) • Nov 6, 2021

I've been reading this and am actually interested enough to reply.

As for myself I am overweight do to various reasons. When I am speaking to someone new I will tell them this fact as a warning.. NOT a challenge. If the person then, after seeing pictures, decides they feel I am too chubby for their tastes I 100% would prefer they just tell me and end it there rather than trying to force me to change more to their ideal weight.

Of course BDSM is mainly dependant on control and some some feel that weight should be something that is included under that umbrella, and in some relationships where total power is given its natural to be expected.. but personally it is up to the Sub to give the right of control over that over that particular subject.

If I wanted to lose weight for myself I would ask for a Doms help/coaching if I felt comfortable with them, and I feel (or hope at least) most Dom's would feel honored about being given charge of the task of helping their sub.

Instead if the Dom is demanding and trying to change someone unwillingly it would almost immediately result in lower self esteem for the Sub and crumbling of a budding relationship.

SubtleHush​(sub female) • Nov 11, 2021

Acidic Lollipop​(sub female)

"If I wanted to lose weight for myself I would ask for a Doms help/coaching if I felt comfortable with them, and I feel (or hope at least) most Dom's would feel honored about being given charge of the task of helping their sub. Instead if the Dom is demanding and trying to change someone unwillingly it would almost immediately result in lower self esteem for the Sub and crumbling of a budding relationship."
.......................

Well said.

I was a professional organizer with my own business for 12 years. That role made me a psychologist, coach, support system, priest, stern parent, and advocate for every client I had. I even worked with a few hoarders.

The joke I used to tell was, you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him fold his clothes neatly before he drinks.

If you and your partner make an agreement that he/she will help you achieve a goal I think that is amazing and great. But it depends on a lot of things.

It is not enough to want to serve that person and follow his lead. Personal change is highly complex and depends on many variables, not the least of which is enduring the low dips of life circumstance, change, and challenge that derails even the best of us. It is the sustainability of achieving that goal that is often the challenge.

If some of the best weight loss programs in the states have a high failure rate assuming a Dominant persona is enough to effect change is not realistic. I personally use Noom and love it since it is not a monthly fee and they really dig into the mentality behind what we do and why. But that is me. Your mileage may vary.

This is the issue I have with the fantasy that your Dominant can make you just not eat and lose weight as if that was ever all there was to the deal. Change demands that we dig deep and often. It is hard regardless of what the bystanders think.
...
Funny story. I was a member of a very private group that met in a big house monthly. We all brought food to share and each party was a feast. I casually mentioned to my Dom at the time (a man who was also overweight) that I wanted to get a handle on how much I ate at those parties. We all basically sat at the big table and just ate and talked all night when not playing.

So we're at a party and I pick up a cream puff off my plate. It's at my lips and he says from across the room (his own plate overfilled with sweets) "DO YOU really want to eat that?" He had a big booming voice and the whole room went silent. I hadn't asked him to do that. We hadn't discussed how I would like to be helped. He took my passing comment as his right to embarrass me in front of everyone.

Not only did I look up at him with daggers, but every other woman in the room did as well. LOL

So I asked calmly, "Do you not want me to eat this?"

'Oh, um he stammered... I thought... No, I don't care if you eat a cream puff.'

So lesson learned, don't ask people who never dieted or have no self-control themselves to help you with yours and be very clear and map that out as to how it is to look in application.

And if your partner is arrogant as pinnacle is, address the arrogance long before you let him stomp around in your head and heart.

H*

Thank you, SubtleHush

Spellbound Wytch{Mr. Parker} • Nov 11, 2021

I appreciate your very succinct summation on this topic from a submissive's POV. And you're 100% correct in that no one should ever entrust their most intimate life's needs/wants/challenges to anyone unfeeling or arrogant enough to be impressed by the title *they've bestowed upon themselves*. Again, thanks for making yourself heard.

LongerJohnny​(dom male) • Nov 12, 2021

Yes, lack of confidence is a big one. The only thing I can offer is that lack of confidence is something that each of us, myself included, goes through from time to time. Unfortunately that knowledge isn't super comforting but whatever situation one finds oneself in it's is nice to know this we are not alone.
That is a lesson I wish it hadn't taken me so long to learn, so by saying it now I hope I have helped in some way.
My guess is that all of us feel as though we could do better by ourselves and others, but that can be as much a motivation for personal growth as it is a hindrance.

Dom Pinnacle​(dom male) • Nov 18, 2021

https://youtu.be/J8UAuxW0FEQ
2:24:35 - 2:28:30
I'd still recommend watching the whole podcast. It's a new day, ladies. And TRUE dominant men aren't going for the BS. Get out of your feelings and do the work. Be accountable. And for the guy that put on a cape for these women, you are a weenie.

Morgein • Nov 18, 2021

Out of curiosity, do you have a partner? I don't notice any brackets. Do you think you're making any inroads toward such by insulting people?

Dom Pinnacle​(dom male) • Nov 18, 2021

Morgein. Did you watch the video?

Morgein • Nov 18, 2021

As recommended by someone who is insulting and pompous? Why would I?

Dom Pinnacle​(dom male) • Nov 18, 2021

Watch the video and then we can talk about it. Otherwise you have nothing to say.