Why do people hide their limits?

Why do people hide their limits?

Secret Mind​(dom male) • Oct 4, 2021

I'm generally curious as to why some people hide their limits on here.
Is it because they are afraid of being accused of kink shaming? No that wouldn't make sense. Or perhaps maybe just maybe they're afraid of pushing a potentially good partner away by having one of their main kinks as a limit. But that wouldn't work. I'm thinking to deep there.

I know a lot of people will have taboo kinks that they don't feel comfortable sharing. But why hide your limits?
Personally for me I rather know someone's limits before knowing what they are into. As limits can tell you a lot about someone.
Its important to state ones limits so lines are not crossed.

So simple question. Why do you hide your limits?

Miki​(masochist female) • Oct 4, 2021

Perhaps it's because "limits" can be an evolving thing... People new to this shit would be learning as they go, and while willing to try this, that, and the next thing, they quickly discover that they like "this" but are turned off by "that" and throw up at the thought of the proverbial "next thing".

Profiles are a mere "introduction" a "cover page" on a resume of sorts, with more facts and characteristics of an individual to be revealed through further contact, if any. If not, well, they saved a ream of virtual paper by leaving a lot of crap out of the profile page.

After all, one has to be selective of what they put on a Profile blah, as putting down everything that comes to mind, the nitty-gritty, if you will-- makes for a long profile page and I for one loathe "walls of text" to the point where I skim or skip altogether. I doubt I'm alone in that.

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By the way that tendency manifests itself most of all on novel-esque furum posts, be it the subject post by an O P or a reply. (Not this thread, the first point is succincet and most of all, pleasantly brief)

But I've seen a number of threads of late started by O P's who felt the need to write a whole page of shit to start a topic.. Those i didn't even read through let alone reply to.
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But I digress. There also could be some fear of "kink shaming" in that if one objects to a particular S&M activity as personally repulsve, there is the risk of a rebuttal from someone out there claiming they're kink-shaming.

In the online world, everyone's a critic, it seems. I even fall into that trap, fortunately not all that often, but I'm human.

ButterfliesAndCuffs​(sub female) • Oct 4, 2021

I don’t hide my limits but it could be because they are worried about forgetting to list something too. I know I’ve been asked about some kinks that I’m not into but that I didn’t think to list.
What bothers me a lot reading Dom profiles is “my limits are your limits”. 😬

SubtleHush​(sub female) • Oct 4, 2021

Hide is the wrong word.

For years I put up comprehensive profiles that, if you read them, would tell you a lot about me. Had anyone interested read them, it would position them to open a meaningful conversation with me. Because they are allegedly interested in me right?

What I got for my trouble was a conga line of people too lazy to read anything. I'm a published author. If you can't read my profile you are probably indifferent to my interests in writing. Or in writing at all.

And that is only compounded when you write me and the whole message is, "Sup?"

Then there are the hundreds of times that marrieds. too young/too old men or male subs write me even though the fact that I seek single, dominant and in my age range. It is always in every profile I write. Like ALWAYS.

What you assume is hiding is really me no longer putting all my business out there because, frankly, it isn't any business of the random public. My limits, needs, desires, and deal-breakers only relate to someone who approaches in earnest.

I mean seriously, if you don't care enough to know anything basic about me, why the hell would I bother to share anything deeper with you?

H*

Richlydefined​(sub female){Gardener} • Oct 4, 2021

I don't hide mine, I just don't list it here and for a couple of reasons. The first is that it takes up a lot of retail space on my page and I'm wordy to begin with. There are so few people who actually read profiles that it feels like an exercise in futility to put it out there when it's just going to be passed over anyway. The second is privacy, I don't want anyone to be all up in my business about it. I give up enough information to be going on with and like I say in my profile if I were talking to someone to the degree that giving them that kind of information was relevant then I have the list ready to supply to just that person. Additionally, that list can change, and I'd rather not have anything solid out there when I myself am so fluid. IMO it is best just to discuss it with the parties involved and then you can take input from both sides to make a more comprehensive list that involves both people's limits.

MisterAshmodai​(dom male) • Oct 4, 2021

There are some who see limits as a matter of more intimate discussion. It can be difficult to admit that you are unwilling to do something or go to a certain place, especially when there is trauma involved. Some might wish to save this discussion for a more direct exchange.
Some may also simply feel a need to add explanation to their limits that they might not feel comfortable sharing with everyone.
Others see limits as more fluid, subject to change depending on who they are talking to. Especially if they were to have multiple partners, they could very well hold different limits for a rougher partner as opposed to a softer one.
There are plenty of reasons to keep limits close to the chest. Just make sure they are shared before crossing them becomes an option.

Steellover​(sub male) • Oct 5, 2021

Many people, newbies to BDSM, honestly probably don't know what their limits are.

They get excited about the idea of submitting, and are turned on by the idea of certain fetishes, or certain BDSM activities, but have not actually engaged in them in real time.

Or they don't know "what all is out there" so to speak. Their partner may have an idea in mind that they recoil from, but the sub had never even considered as a possibility before submitting to him/her.

SweetSirRendering​(sub female) • Oct 5, 2021

limits are quite personal and private to the individual and depending on the limit, hands strangers access to much more than i personally would wish to share openly to anyone who ventures into my profile. discussions of limits, kinks, and interests should also be extensive when one really gets down to it. i’m not certain how others feel, but a profile isn’t a job application to me. i save the good stuff for the “interview” process.