Meticulous? Scrupulous? Fastidious? or just plain old picky.

Meticulous? Scrupulous? Fastidious? or just plain old picky.

Master Havok​(dom male) • Nov 12, 2021

This post is two different questions depending on what side of the slash you land. This is probably more of a lifestyle subject but I would enjoy getting anyone's perspective. So...

Dominants, do you consider yourself to be a picky person, or has a sub ever mentioned, hinted, mimed, or screamed an indication that they may be inclined to believe that of you?

Subs, what are your thoughts, have you ever had a Dominant who may have been a bit demanding? Have you ever told a Dom or maybe wrote it in a journal that they read?

I have never had a sub come out and actually say I am, though I know quite well what I am and embrace my exacting nature with the calm confidence of a Jedi Master. I am certain it has less of an impact on dynamics or relationships that aren't 24/7 but still I am curious about it.

ButterfliesAndCuffs​(sub female) • Nov 12, 2021

The only time I’ve thought doms were too demanding were when they were more Master types, but those didn’t go far because our boundaries aren’t compatible.
I’ve yet to meet a Dom that gives too much structure. Usually it’s not enough.

LongerJohnny​(dom male) • Nov 12, 2021

Yes, I am all of those things, however (ssshh don't tell anyone) I also have a heart of gold!


Surely during the "getting to know you" and the limits and negotiation conversations any sub would mention to any potential Dom that he is too much of this or not enough of that. At least they should.

During those conversations I have had subs tell me that I am all of these things, sometimes because they like these traits in a Dom, but sometimes because they disliked those same traits.

So hopefully it it's just a matter of recognizing incompatibilities before any dynamic begins. But my belief is that a Dom should always be open and willing to hear or recognize these things from his sub - even after a dynamic has begun. Communication is a fundamental part of making any relationship of any kind work.

But that's just me being picky.
And all those other things too.
And opinionated.
And unafraid to to acknowledge those things about myself, in person or on a blog.

See? Heart of gold!

In My Defense..

Noire{Owned (NH)} • Nov 12, 2021

I can’t say I have entered into any dynamic with a dominant.. Who was pickier then myself. I have an acquired taste for many things.. But that is merely because I align more with being a princess then anything else.

Usually if I encounter a dominant who may have certain requirements. That do not align with me or my energies. I have no issues with negotiating with them. I love a little haggle here and there.
But if their requests do not suit my needs or interrupts my schedule. I have no hesitation telling a dominant it won’t work. Speaking my mind has never been an issue. I believe in clear communication, so if i don’t agree with or like something. They’ll know.

Bunnie • Nov 12, 2021

“Subs, what are your thoughts, have you ever had a Dominant who may have been a bit demanding?”

I actually quite like Dominants who are demanding. If anything, my struggles are with those who align more with the opposite. Whilst acceptance is a beautiful thing, high standards are something I hold myself to, and would hope that the person I am serving would expect the same of me.

Cressida Clytie​(masochist female){Taken} • Nov 12, 2021

This is only my opinion and might not apply to other submissives.

As a submissive, I haven't met yet a demanding Dominant. In the future, just in case I will meet one, I will not even think of it as being "demanding". I will not even consider and even see it as being demanding. I will see it as mental bondage, attention is given to me, and focus. Because to be honest if the submissive is very willing and open to trying everything for her Dominant, she will never hesitate and will never see it as like that.

Remember, YOU WILL NEVER BE TOO MUCH OR NOT ENOUGH FOR THE RIGHT PERSON.

MelMell​(dom female) • Nov 12, 2021

I don’t think I’ve ever had a sub say I’m too demanding. I might be more on the picky side and only really when it comes to food and it’s food I really don’t like.
I also haven’t had any subs that are picky or demanding.

Trying too hard to impress

Spellbound Wytch{Mr. Parker} • Nov 12, 2021

I've had much different experiences than most have expressed. I've always made it clear to any and all that I'm a masochist and not a sub/slave type yet there's *always* those who go overboard trying to prove me wrong with extravagant attempts to "put me in my place." I can never wrap my head around someone pushing and pushing trying to give me orders/assignments/direction/discipline despite my not giving any indication that I need or want that from them. In a nutshell, I'm left wondering that if they're that desperate with someone like me - who's resistant to their machinations - what on EARTH are they like with someone who actually wishes to pursue a power exchange with them? Bottom line - not all of my experiences have been with totally "overbearing" types who choose to believe they're so overwhelmingly dominant that they can "change my stripes" so to speak, but I've had to look long and hard to get past them at times. I enjoy reading other people's responses and experiences because it's something for me to ponder and I'm always looking for added insight.

P.S.: When I say "machinations" I mean those that can't resist cranking up their "dominance" in an attempt to prove themselves.

Master Havok​(dom male) • Nov 12, 2021

Thank you to all who have commented so far, I really enjoy reading the different takes on the subject. To be fair, my longtime slave (18 years and counting) has never said you are just too demanding. She has mentioned as I spoke about future life-plans, remote property in Montana and Alaska, that living in the rugged parts of the country without many of the basic amenities right down the street that perhaps I would become less picky. She, of course, was being polite. I can be very...insistent in my day to day life.

That being said, I do tend to temper my expectations depending on the sub and just how much commitment and contact they are seeking. A sub who seeks to live in my household as a 24/7 dynamic has a different experience than one who is meeting me for a play session a couple times a year. At times, usually when I am working a job with a set contract and really don't have much in the way of free time, it simply is easier with a sub who has her own life and isn't looking for daily attention. My dominance doesn't change, it is simply in my nature to be dominant, however I don't just order people around and expect them to obey or be punished, my adult daughter reminds me of this often.

Defender​(dom male) • Nov 12, 2021

Enjoying this thread and the responses.

I know that by nature I am picky and demanding.

However, I have found something keeps getting in the way:

Kindness.

Do I need help?