Doms on Tinder?

Doms on Tinder?

lunamia​(sub female) • Nov 14, 2021

Hey y’all! I’m a newbie who recently started talking to a dom I matched with on tinder. He seems really kind and forthright. Has sent me photos, asked what I think I’d be into trying, has given me his run down of experience as a dom, etc. But something about having matched with him on tinder is making me uneasy. Is that a “normal” place to find a dom? Am I being close minded? What are some ways I could vet him and make sure this is legit before meeting in person?

ButterfliesAndCuffs​(sub female) • Nov 14, 2021

So far the only doms I’ve met on Tinder were really just guys interested in kinky sex or that never actually get around to meeting you. But if you take a chance, meet him in person some place public and get to know him by dating and spending time with him.

SubtleHush​(sub female) • Nov 14, 2021

I know very little about tinder. It was considered a hook-up app but I think it is trying to up its rep so to speak. This is not to say that the majority of its people are not still looking to hook up.

I think it is important to determine how involved one is in their own learning. So anyone can call themselves a Dom or Master but giving a laundry list of claimed knowledge (thank you google) but doesn't tell you much and I think your gut is telling you that. So ten points for you. A good gut instinct is the A++ best tool you can have.

There are people who do not get involved with the real-time social world of BDSM, Ds, or Ms. Yet there are many avenues to do just that. So I suggest that before you get involved with a tinder match that you look deeper into this realm and figure out some things for yourself.

NYC has a large group for new and experienced in the life. You can go on Fetlife and look into TES. You can research other local groups and munches there and while you get to know people, you can take the time to find out who he knows and what he has done in the real-time world. There is also a newbie group here you can post to and at least ask people how they vetted.

I always discourage newbies from trusting a random person who keeps this private. When you are experienced you might choose to be private with your activities but when new, you may want the feedback and scrutiny of others.

As far as years in, well, we all know someone who is a terrible driver yet has been driving for years right? So best vetting advice I can give you is to go slow, do not expect someone to teach you everything you need to learn and get involved in well-known groups such as TES.

If on tinder all you meet are hook up guys, then forget the rep. You already know that the odds of him being another hook-up guy are more likely. Most people with experience know others in the life, may have friendships, and have been involved in local groups.

For now, keep asking and listening with your gut.

Good luck.
H*

EclecticRhetoric​(dom male) • Nov 14, 2021

How long have you been speaking to him. The verring process's is important and it takes time for people to show their true nature or intentions

lunamia​(sub female) • Nov 15, 2021

Thanks so much for your advice, everyone!! I really appreciate it and will take all of it into account.

LongerJohnny​(dom male) • Nov 15, 2021

I have never Tindered ( did I just make up a new verb?) but I I have a bad feeling about the scenario you described. From my understanding of it being mainly a hook-up site, and from the horror stories I've heard, I wouldn't take that guy's word for anything regardless of how nice he seems or whoever's pictures were sent to you.
Take your time, get as much information as you can, do not give out any personal information, and don't forget that any creep can hide behind a profile, there or here or anywhere else.
It is way too easy for an experienced asshole to prey on someone as new as you describe yourself to be.
p.s. - On dating sites like Tinder I suggest that you not lead with information regarding how new you are. It is good that you did here because you are being given some good answers to your question. But be cautious

Stevevo​(dom male) • Dec 11, 2021

Anything is possible but I wouldn’t think that is the place to find a sub or a Dom. It could randomly happen anywhere but; if that’s where a Dom is fishing, it doesn’t sound like the best place for either.

bigandsmall​(sub female) • Dec 12, 2021

Speaking from experience (said non too proudly) when I began I learned quickly, that a lot of those guys call themselves a Dom but assume that means they get to abuse you without repercussion or consequence. They put no effort in the dynamic or in your needs and imitate what they see done in porn films and not through real experience or knowledge. They can be dangerous, doing things they see like using electric wands or certain "toys" not considering the damage they can do to you for lack of knowledge and not caring when caught in the joy of their fantasy. Like kids who just wanna see what would happen if they pushed you off the roof in your new Spiderman Christmas cape.

Just take it slow, ask questions and if he evades them, red flag, if he answers them, get a second opinion, don't just assume what he says is the truth.
But remember, it is YOUR responsibility to look out for you. This is a great step, shows you are smart enough to ask, and not blame the world for your negligence. He may be a great guy, and if he is, he will encourage you to research, not ghost you if you want to meet publicly first, or make you feel stupid because you say NO, I am not into that. Respect your limits and not hide what he feels the definition of a Dom is to him.

Fyglia Wicked​(dom female) • Dec 12, 2021

Considering no BDSM site does vetting you have just as much of a chance to find a Dom/me on any other site as you do a BDSM one..

I'mME • Jan 18, 2022

@eclecticrhetoric

Yes, It can take time before someone strips off their mask to show you that they were full of it, do not care about you on any level what's so ever.

I just do not belong on this planet, I can not wrap my head around someone that goes to these lengths to fool, use, just totally ignoring the fact someone is a. human.