Zvengali
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2 years ago •
Dec 14, 2021
Zvengali wrote: I appreciate you saying all this. The folks aggressively stating you should disclose immediately no matter what, I don't think they're considering the potential impact of that. You're right, it's hard to find compatible people, and even harder to face rejection from those people for something you had no hand in creating. Ideally anyone with mental health struggles would be in therapy and/or on meds to help mediate issues, but even with that stuff things can still go awry. And it hurts a lot to watch something fall apart because of it.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, Well buttercup......Considering that I might hurt their feelings ? Im guessing your of the mindset that EVERYONE should get a trophy in baseball, even if they suck at it. Problem is, rejection breeds charactor. You contradicted yourself in one paragraph... "Oh please tell me what your issues are and all will be good. Your feelings wont be hurt....Oh and by the way...if it turns out those particular maladies you have affect our relationship...we just might not work out....it just may be we fall apart. Im so pleased we wasted all this valuable time for the outcome to be the same....oy".... New age subs/slaves/Doms/Dommes.....The Butthurt Generation. |
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Online now
Spellbound Wytch{Mr. Parker}
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2 years ago •
Dec 14, 2021
Zvengali wrote: Well buttercup......Considering that I might hurt their feelings ? Im guessing your of the mindset that EVERYONE should get a trophy in baseball, even if they suck at it. Problem is, rejection breeds charactor. You contradicted yourself in one paragraph... Oh please tell me what your issues are and all will be good. Your feelings wont be hurt....Oh and by the way...if it turns out those particular maladies you have affect our relationship...we just might not work out....it just may be we fall apart. Im so pleased we wasted all this valuable time for the outcome to be the same....oy.... New age subs/slaves/Doms/Dommes.....The Butthurt Generation. Here's the thing. I tried to make allowances for the "old school way" that you present yourself with your 100% sneering and snide manner. Initially that is. I'm *also* fairly blunt and often seen as confrontational among people who are a couple of decades younger than me - but you're telegraphing a pervasive and what MIGHT be seen as some "mental issues" of your own here. That spit at and then jab your fists in everyone's faces and then spin and kick them in the cooch approach might be damned effective *if* your intent is to send any woman running in the opposite direction of you. 
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Zvengali
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2 years ago •
Dec 14, 2021
Here's the thing. I tried to make allowances for the "old school way" that you present yourself with your 100% sneering and snide manner. Initially that is. I'm *also* fairly blunt and often seen as confrontational among people who are a couple of decades younger than me - but you're telegraphing a pervasive and what MIGHT be seen as some "mental issues" of your own here. That spit at and then jab your fists in everyone's faces and then spin and kick them in the cooch approach might be damned effective *if* your intent is to send any woman running in the opposite direction of you.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, OK fine I get it....My mental issues....Diagnosis well taken..... |
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tallslenderguy(other male)
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2 years ago •
Dec 14, 2021
Re: Mental health & BDSM Oceanic wrote: Do you think kink partners should reveal any mental health diagnoses, and whether or not they are in treatment for them, to eachother? I'm mostly talking about a long term situation, as I'm not sure this would necessarily apply to pickup/casual play.
I don't know if it would affect everyone, necessarily, but I can certainly see how in theory a mental health diagnosis might affect how one approaches their kinky play. Maybe folks with certain diagnoses might need to be more aware of how they or their partners behave during scenes, or require a certain type or duration of aftercare. I think there's potentially a lot to discuss about this topic, so I'm curious to hear what y'all have to say. As i read your responses in this discussion, i think you exhibit a key answer to this question: openness. i do not think there is any one right answer to the question. One can make a rule of or a list of questions they ask up front, but that does not ensure the answer will be honest or clear. And is it even possible to make an exhaustive list? One might ask: "is there anything [i] should know about, physically or mentally?" But then , the onus is still on the one giving the answer to determine what they think the other 'should know about.' Things can get slippery when one feels fear. i think the approach of setting forth general guiding principles of honesty and openness is foundational. i also think the maturity of grace is vital for both parties to possess. We separate mental health in this thread, but who doesn't have secret stuff they are afraid to reveal? One of the "compatibility" factors i look for is a mutual understanding that we all have flaws or issues or___________. For me, there has to be enough connecting and bonding places to sustain a symbiotic relationship. |
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CSI
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2 years ago •
Dec 15, 2021
Re: Mental health & BDSM
Do you think kink partners should reveal any mental health diagnoses, and whether or not they are in treatment for them, to eachother? I'm mostly talking about a long term situation, as I'm not sure this would necessarily apply to pickup/casual play.
Going back to the original discussion here: I would say to disclose when you feel comfortable with doing so. I don't have anything that has reared its head with pickup play or short scenes, but would talk with the other if I did (seizures, claustrophobia, possibility of passing out, severe mood swing, etc). I would talk with someone about potential issues when I felt like things might have the possibility of moving along beyond "hi, how are you" conversations. |
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| StormiNix(sub female) |
2 years ago •
Dec 15, 2021
I have multiple mental health diagnoses (i think that's the correct spelling for the plural). Although, at first glance, most seem kinda of repetitive. That being said, I might not bring it up through chats on here, but I do make sure to let the other person know of the main 3 prior to meeting or taking things to a more serious level because those 3 do have an impact on what I need as far as after care, and possibly during certain scenes and possible issues when it comes to the subject of punishments.
I am fairly new to this lifestyle and did a lot of research prior to seeking a relationship in it. My reason for getting into this lifestyle is actually for the proven theraputic side of it, when done correctly and when being open and honest about your mental health. I have one specific illness that has caused many of my past "vanilla" relationships to fail because my partner could not handle it at times. Part of the reason being, that I was misdiagnosed for several years and on meds I should never have been on, and that was from more than one psychiatrist. I finally found one that was way more thorough and we got to the correct diagnosis. That has been a game changer! It has also given me the ability to know how to talk about it and how to explain what I need and what they need to look for should I not be able to explain what is going on at the time. Not every person with a mental illness has one that is possibly that bad, therefore, they may not feel the need to be as open about it and that is fine. I would say, if you have any form of anxiety/panic disorders, or self harm/suicidal tendencies, these need to be dicussed as they have significant impact on how a Dom treats you during certain things. Hope this helps. |
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event horizon{NotLooking}
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2 years ago •
Dec 15, 2021
StormiNix wrote: I have multiple mental health diagnoses (i think that's the correct spelling for the plural). Although, at first glance, most seem kinda of repetitive. That being said, I might not bring it up through chats on here, but I do make sure to let the other person know of the main 3 prior to meeting or taking things to a more serious level because those 3 do have an impact on what I need as far as after care, and possibly during certain scenes and possible issues when it comes to the subject of punishments.
I am fairly new to this lifestyle and did a lot of research prior to seeking a relationship in it. My reason for getting into this lifestyle is actually for the proven theraputic side of it, when done correctly and when being open and honest about your mental health. I have one specific illness that has caused many of my past "vanilla" relationships to fail because my partner could not handle it at times. Part of the reason being, that I was misdiagnosed for several years and on meds I should never have been on, and that was from more than one psychiatrist. I finally found one that was way more thorough and we got to the correct diagnosis. That has been a game changer! It has also given me the ability to know how to talk about it and how to explain what I need and what they need to look for should I not be able to explain what is going on at the time. Not every person with a mental illness has one that is possibly that bad, therefore, they may not feel the need to be as open about it and that is fine. I would say, if you have any form of anxiety/panic disorders, or self harm/suicidal tendencies, these need to be dicussed as they have significant impact on how a Dom treats you during certain things. Hope this helps. Well, in this case, I'm the Dominant, but I agree it can affect how we play and what we need. |
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LongerJohnny(dom male)
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2 years ago •
Dec 15, 2021
Re: Mental health & BDSM Oceanic wrote: Do you think kink partners should reveal any mental health diagnoses, and whether or not they are in treatment for them, to eachother? I'm mostly talking about a long term situation, as I'm not sure this would necessarily apply to pickup/casual play.
I don't know if it would affect everyone, necessarily, but I can certainly see how in theory a mental health diagnosis might affect how one approaches their kinky play. Maybe folks with certain diagnoses might need to be more aware of how they or their partners behave during scenes, or require a certain type or duration of aftercare. I think there's potentially a lot to discuss about this topic, so I'm curious to hear what y'all have to say. I think the question should be not as much about whether or not you do, rather about when you do. That is a individual choice. The person in question will always have the final say about what is best for them so they must decide when or if, but long-term it is ultimately necessary, as it would be in any relationship. But it is a fine line. We are still still getting to know each other - but do we know each other enough yet? If there is potential it will eventually come up - but how much potential is there presently? Yes, mental health should be at least as much of a determining a factor in bdsm as in any other, because to a greater or lesser degree it would certainty apply to play as well as long-term. And if the concern is about scaring someone away by revealing a diagnosis of anything, then perhaps a better first question is about whether or not a relationship with that person is likely to last anyway. I'd rather know sooner than later. But in either case my answer is that yes, a person should share that information. As to when it should be shared, it will always be an individual choice that would have to be made when the time is "right" whatever that means. |
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shahh
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2 years ago •
Dec 16, 2021
Zvengali wrote: Zvengali wrote: or the outcome to be the same....oy".... New age subs/slaves/Doms/Dommes.....The Butthurt Generation. Once again a standing ovation for dismissing folks while ironically exhibiting the exact behavior you claim to despise. Amazing. Keep it up. 
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BloodofSzekai(dom male)
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2 years ago •
Dec 25, 2021
I don't need diagnosis.. but I do need my subs to be comfortable telling me any mental issues they might have.
This isn't necessarily about knowing what's "off limits" either. The emphasis I place on genuineness in my dynamics means I require myself to have at least a functional understanding of what could make my subs "retreat" or otherwise disassociate from the play. That means knowing about the baggage and roughly what it means. It also means that if getting this information is too much like pulling teeth, I'm not bothering with you. That way I can find a sub who's willing to work with me, and you can go find a "dom" who doesn't care enough to be "pUsHy." Everybody wins 
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