event horizon{NotLooking}
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2 years ago •
Mar 20, 2022
Re: Amen Miss T wrote: Sasa wrote: I'm tired of being objectivated as a domme. I'm a woman and have tons of needs. If all the Vanilla parts of a relationship don't work, the D/s layer can't help it... It is senseless.
I am tired of older married men, who are all suddenly into submission cause they need a little spice for their leaving libido. None of them want dommes for more than being the little dirty secret. I laugh getting long kink wish lists and letters of no-limit Newbies who think they are into extremes make me sadly shake my head. I don't even answer anymore. I did until I understood that some are into rejection and use others as a kink dispenser. I am tired of opinionated doms who explain the world to me after only having one online relationship as an experience and telling us we sit on a high horse. They can tell everyone that they are masters since the beginning of the time, for me, they are just little humans like anybody else. Respect is a problem but usually, we all earn it. It is simply difficult to find a person. Vanilla ponds are as overcrowded with married cheaters as this world here. Seems that most Lifestyle Dommes are having the same experience. And yes. Married , committed, in a relationship men are definitely a group that prevails. It's sad, because sometimes in all that pile of behavior that is absolutely opposite from what BDSM should be, we end up generalizing, and the good ones get labeled the same as others, pass unnoticed and get disappointed. There are still some (rare) true submissives out there. But finding a needle in a haystack isn't easy. I really wish there weren't so many married men out there seeking D/s dynamics so they can cheat on their wives. That shit is disgusting, to me. Yeah, we are basically forced into generalizing, and it does ruin it for the rare potentially GOOD subs/slaves. It reminds me a lot of the bisexual thing, and how we're pretty much forced to count out lesbians from our dating pool because the majority of them judge us and refuse to date us. The whole Bisexual Supremacist thing was only partly a joke, lol. Do you have better luck with meeting people at munches and such? |
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Online now
Knightsundere(sub male)
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2 years ago •
Mar 21, 2022
Every man should be forced to set up a Grindr account with fake pics at some point in their lives. I'd never ever thought to send a dick pic before I made an account myself but it absolutely reinforced my opinion on proper conduct. Sorry to all you. It's not something innate. Most of the time the people who do that don't make their mindset/behavior obvious, even between friends.
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event horizon{NotLooking}
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2 years ago •
Mar 21, 2022
Knightsundere wrote: Every man should be forced to set up a Grindr account with fake pics at some point in their lives. I'd never ever thought to send a dick pic before I made an account myself but it absolutely reinforced my opinion on proper conduct. Sorry to all you. It's not something innate. Most of the time the people who do that don't make their mindset/behavior obvious, even between friends.
I spoke with someone the other day who'd read a book that mentions this kinda stuff. The author said men who send unsolicited dick pics are usually looking for some kind of acceptance that they do not otherwise get. So all the rejections and anger in response to it don't really matter that much I guess, if even one person responds in a non-negative way. I'd like to know who's out there responding positively, though lol. |
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Steellover(sub male)
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2 years ago •
Mar 22, 2022
I know of at least one female dominant on this forum who repeatedly has expressed utter contempt for male submissives in many of her posts.
I don't know if that is because this person is simply not into hetero relationships (and I'm not here to assume either way) or if her bitterness is the result of one too many rude, crude or pushy men trying the "oh mistress I want you to do x y and z to me" approach. I feel bad if this is the case. It sounds like this is all too common. Too many clueless and horny newbs who think with the wrong head. I only wish these people would stop and think about it, learn more of what a BDSM relationship really is, before jumping into the dating sites. Probably the best thing I could say is, if this was a vanilla dating site, your first contact to a prospective date wouldn't be "Baby I want to (describe explicit sex act here) you and (blank) your (blank) all night. Everyone who is an adult should know that this approach doesn't work. Somehow though, people have mistakenly got the idea that on a BDSM dating site- this kind of explicit crude come-on DOES work. |
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Spellbound Wytch{Mr. Parker}
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2 years ago •
Mar 23, 2022
Steellover wrote: Too many clueless and horny newbs who think with the wrong head. Probably the best thing I could say is, if this was a vanilla dating site, your first contact to a prospective date wouldn't be "Baby I want to (describe explicit sex act here) you and (blank) your (blank) all night. Everyone who is an adult should know that this approach doesn't work. Somehow though, people have mistakenly got the idea that on a BDSM dating site- this kind of explicit crude come-on DOES work. This "throw yourself at anything that breathes", and in the crudest possible way approach seems to be exclusive to male subs though. Even the posting of a discussion topic to certain sections of the forum brings out a glut of the "pick me, ma'am, pick me!" (or pick me, sir!) types. Of course, certainly not ALL do this but it's a notable occurrence. It's so common to see that it almost seems mandatory for several subsets of the forum.  ♀️
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IowaDom(dom male)
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2 years ago •
Mar 23, 2022
I thought about a dick pic once. Tried several scenes, just never got it perfect ....
1. Stuck him in the cockpit of a model F-14 with a tiny helmet on that said "Mav-dick" 2. Put boxing shorts on him ... "Cock-y" 3. Stuck a periscope on the side .."The Hunt to find "Proctober" 4. Dressed him in a Samauri outfit - "The last one-eye" 5. Put a long wig on him - "Dog the pantie hunter" None of it seemed to work .. so I gave up for now  :
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event horizon{NotLooking}
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2 years ago •
Mar 23, 2022
Steellover wrote: I know of at least one female dominant on this forum who repeatedly has expressed utter contempt for male submissives in many of her posts.
I don't know if that is because this person is simply not into hetero relationships (and I'm not here to assume either way) or if her bitterness is the result of one too many rude, crude or pushy men trying the "oh mistress I want you to do x y and z to me" approach. I feel bad if this is the case. It sounds like this is all too common. Too many clueless and horny newbs who think with the wrong head. I only wish these people would stop and think about it, learn more of what a BDSM relationship really is, before jumping into the dating sites. Probably the best thing I could say is, if this was a vanilla dating site, your first contact to a prospective date wouldn't be "Baby I want to (describe explicit sex act here) you and (blank) your (blank) all night. Everyone who is an adult should know that this approach doesn't work. Somehow though, people have mistakenly got the idea that on a BDSM dating site- this kind of explicit crude come-on DOES work. If I'm honest, there are probably some people who have perceived me that way -- the woman angry at men. Thinking about this perception recently has made me start to wonder what is behind the portrayal by these women that is being perceived in this way. Maybe sometimes we're angry for good reason. Maybe sometimes it's overt. Maybe other people would feel and occasionally react the same way if they faced what we face, as often as we do. Maybe we wouldn't have to carry mace in our purses, we'd feel safe walking alone at night, and we wouldn't appear to be angry at men as a whole, even when we aren't, if we didn't have the experiences we do. I'm willing to bet that your assumption that the reason for this woman's anger is the multitude of shitty, aggressive, and disgusting subs that have contacted her, is probably correct. At least to some degree or another. I'm with you on wishing more clueless & aggressively horny men would stop and think first, but they are not all noobs. And given the persistence and prevalence of this systemic problem, I'm going to say the solution is a complex one that will take quite some time to properly execute. Like, generations worth of time. For many men, this behavior is all they know. It's how they were raised, and likely the majority of what echoes around them. They see a kink community and think they've found a haven to finally be as disgusting as they really want to, but because of all these other factors, they're unable to consider the actual person they are speaking to. The idea that we are whole ass people with our own wants and needs that should be coming BEFORE the sub's, just doesn't occur to them at all. The solution starts with talking about it, and making it known. The rest is about there being consequences for shitty behavior -- being called out and shamed by friends/peers, and/or arrested if the offense is especially heinous. Right now they aren't seeing real consequences, and until they do, they will be unable to start the process of change. |
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event horizon{NotLooking}
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2 years ago •
Mar 23, 2022
Spellbound Wytch wrote: Steellover wrote: Too many clueless and horny newbs who think with the wrong head. Probably the best thing I could say is, if this was a vanilla dating site, your first contact to a prospective date wouldn't be "Baby I want to (describe explicit sex act here) you and (blank) your (blank) all night. Everyone who is an adult should know that this approach doesn't work. Somehow though, people have mistakenly got the idea that on a BDSM dating site- this kind of explicit crude come-on DOES work. This "throw yourself at anything that breathes", and in the crudest possible way approach seems to be exclusive to male subs though. Even the posting of a discussion topic to certain sections of the forum brings out a glut of the "pick me, ma'am, pick me!" (or pick me, sir!) types. Of course, certainly not ALL do this but it's a notable occurrence. It's so common to see that it almost seems mandatory for several subsets of the forum. ♀️You're absolutely right. Sometimes stereotypes exist for a reason, and the desperate sub stereotype exists because it has been the majority experience for many of us. |
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event horizon{NotLooking}
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2 years ago •
Mar 23, 2022
IowaDom wrote: I thought about a dick pic once. Tried several scenes, just never got it perfect ....
1. Stuck him in the cockpit of a model F-14 with a tiny helmet on that said "Mav-dick" 2. Put boxing shorts on him ... "Cock-y" 3. Stuck a periscope on the side .."The Hunt to find "Proctober" 4. Dressed him in a Samauri outfit - "The last one-eye" 5. Put a long wig on him - "Dog the pantie hunter" None of it seemed to work .. so I gave up for now :The Netflix show Human Resources stole your joke. They had a boxing match between 2 dongs, and one of them was named Cocky Balls-Boa. |
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Spellbound Wytch{Mr. Parker}
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2 years ago •
Mar 23, 2022
Oceanic wrote: Sometimes stereotypes exist for a reason, and the desperate sub stereotype exists because it has been the majority experience for many of us. This is just my personal observation (of course), but I get the feeling the majority of the men who behave so poorly aren't actually submissive. I've seen it in my local communities, and even more frequently in online kink sites - the majority of the poorly behaved ones are simply looking for a woman (or man) to indulge and fulfill their own fantasies but make a token effort to project a thin veneer of so called subservience in what they hope to be an effect smokescreen. Their true intent, however, is unmistakably self serving as evidenced by the disrespect and lack of regard they use when attempting to solicit your attention.
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