Forum Fightclub

Miki • Jul 2, 2023

I posted to this 9 months ago.

( I'm hoping someone else posts soon because the optics of my name and the title of this thread are not good.)

My post those months ago was wishful thinking on my part. I have done my share of bitching at people.

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I read older posts that point to the internet, politics and so-on but it goes deeper. We all have a less than palatable side and the internet, social media, just make it easier to come out. I think, to a degree, overal societal rancor is a symptom, not the cause of so buch digital sniping. Given the landscape of society, it does look like people aren't happy unless they're not happy.

Another post mentioned the "good old days of 2018" That was when this place was a lot smaller and the novelty of a site where like minded individuals can "talk".

Sure there was probably FetLife, but that place is more geared to hookups, munch locations, etc, ahead of just convo. Or so I have read. I never went in there for fear of even more "handsome" hunks digitally coming at me with invitations to "Meet my meat!"

... So of course it seemed more quaint and friendly. It did, by today's standards, but I can't say I observed much. I was new here and far too busy "running" from a blown-out inbox chock full of insta-doms who were Hell-bent on getting their paws on me and introducing me to their whipping posts, suspension rigging, or even the "X"... without me even letting on that such scenarios were and still are, though I abstain, my weakness.

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Anyway I have shown my less-than-cuddly side more than I would like in here and to that end I will post in a much more toned-down fashion. I'll dispense with the "bon mot", the witticisms or at least mute them significantly, because the purpose of this place-- as I already wrote, is to offer a welcoming atmosphere for twisted folks to converse, and for those so-inclined, take a trip into the Personals section to see what's cooking. Not me though. Still Not Looking.



(I'll still spin out "the good one" once in a while.)

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Jul 2, 2023

Ha, great discussion.

i think a lot of fighting is in the moment immaturity. i think we are all potential assholes (not the good kind). At any given moment. We can decide which way to go. Granted, some seem more practiced at it than others, but i think we all have that potential.

i was at Costco the other day. For some reason they design their parking lot with only one shared entry/exit. The parking lot always looks like a mall parking lot on Christmas Eve, i.e., madness and mayhem are the rule. i pulled into the exit lane as did two other cars simultaneously, nothing unusual there, but the guy behind me, for whatever reason, thought he was slighted and as he pulled past me he hung his head out the window and said: "you must be a special kind of retarded."

i'm laughing now, but it really stung at the time and i spent the next hour smarting and coming up with snarky retorts in my imagination. As i wallowed in my anger (hurt), i was simultaneously taken aback by my emotional response. No amount of reasoning with myself could shut my hurt feelings down. It's really a good thing i was not in a position to express them to the offending party. As i gradually talked myself down, i decided the best response would have been to apologize and acknowledge my possible "retardedness." The truth is, i could have missed something and really had done something stupid?

There seems to be something in human nature that derives a sense of being and security from 'knowing.' i wrestled with this in a big way as i journeyed out of a fundamentalist religious mindset. The place i reached was that, beyond arithmetic, i cannot substantiate absolutes. Of course, that doesn't discount belief or taking a stance, but there's a difference between belief and absolute knowledge. One of the things i appreciate about the scientific method is how it acknowledges our flaws and the potential for being wrong, that science is an ongoing pursuit of understanding, not an absolute end place we arrive at that can never be questioned.

To me maturity can make the difference between a fight and a debate. The fighter fights for what is 'right,' while the debater (as i see it) can believe they are right, but can acknowledge they may be wrong. I.e., one is closed to actual discussion and engagement, the other is open.

Miki • Jul 2, 2023

Not a place for politics but I have to chime in on the lost art of debate. A certain legislative body comes to mind, but it can be found anywhere.

Debate, compromise--- and another lost art: "listening". (Fancy that coming from yours truly.)

Costco-- Now that I think of it--- I can't be entirely sure but I believe the one nearest me has 2 entry/exits, then the gas station.

More than once, but not at Costco that I can recall, whether through my own fault or just someone having a less-than stellar day but on occasion, I've seen someone hanging out a car window flapping their jaw at me.

Lucky all I have to do is look away and poof he's gone (or she)... hoping that if I get ahead of them, somehow they notice the small but visible "Deaf Driver" placard in the rear window and feel like total asses.

Absolutes.. There appear to be no absolutes except death, taxes and relatives.

Through it all one driving force behind today's atmosphere of rancor is, as you alluded to, the need to be right and get the last word in... and now you have an irresistable force meeting an immovable object kind of thing going on.

Solace​(dom male) • Mar 18, 2024

Ah, this seemed relevant again. Thank you Ingenue for this post so long ago, always good to have the screw driver around instead another trip to the hypothetical hardware store.

Some recent observations to add:

For starters, not everything needs a reply. We have some senior community members who do a truly exemplary job at saying their piece in the conversation and then dipping out even when digs have been made at them. (For the love god please don't prove me wrong immediately after I post this. I'm really counting on you.) I confess though its a hard itch not to scratch, and I certainly have fallen down that hole myself.

Second we have a tendency of deciding that forums need to be locked. I'm not saying that any individual here is this way but rather collectively it makes us as a group seem rather like children running off to the parents because some charlie said mean things. I'm not a fan of FetLife but it is more appealing in the way it treats members like adults by letting them solve their own differences. Administration likely has their own separate reasons for locking post and a forum should be killed if rule violations are made but arguing, even petulant arguing, should bother few. Simply uncheck the "Notify me when a reply is posted" box when a conversation wears on you.

Miki • Mar 18, 2024

(post abbreviated to address just this point)

Glad to see you and your vest wandered back in here!!!

So... I have no issue with administration locking threads that go way off the rails or dabble in topics that are not acceptable under House Rules. They do not allow things like politics or mental health-related topics in here, the former because, just take a look at FarceBook or the comment threads on Yahoo News-- political back and forth neither stays civil or ends well and the latter, well, every website has a dime store shrink offering subjective opinions and unqualified advice.

I never joined Fet. I did look in on it, but I was not particularly impressed.

Besides. I can only focus on and deal with one site of this type at a time. Additional bullshit would mean attention divided.

I'mME • Mar 18, 2024

Ingénue,


Yes, It clicked. Stomps my foot, no red, no few minutes of sleep for my memory bank.

TopekaDom​(dom male) • Mar 18, 2024

The first rule of Forum Fight Club is we don't talk about Forum Fight Clube

Bunnie • Mar 18, 2024

Lol

Ingénue{VK} • Mar 18, 2024

Forum fight lube?

Satindragon • Mar 18, 2024

I can understand debating an issue. However I hate it when people attack the person. If we all agreed on every single issue the world would be a very boring place.