Right now my Domme and I are online only but its been very good and we are meeting in person for the second time real soon. I am having doubts that I am a true Submissive Male because it seems like both of us have complimentary fetishes. How much of this relationship should be sexual and how much should be Submissive Dominant? This is a serious question because we seem to be getting very serious and may move into a live in situation. Is our relationship supposed to be me getting sexual gratification?
You ask is the relationship supposed to be getting you sexual gratification?
I think you need to honestly ask yourself just what you want from a relationship and how important is it (sex/release) to you. I'm saying be really, really honest with yourself and your dominant. Its no use pretending if you **NEED** it (or don't need it) Pretending can only last so long and doesn't take long to turn into resentment or cracks to appear. Also, what does your Dominant want? Open up, talk to each other. This a relationship too (if I'm understanding your post right ) Relax, let things unfold as they should unfold. If your talking and communicating and being open and honest with each other the balance between the two (sex and D/s) will blend into something special that suits BOTH your needs, wants and desires. There is no right or wrong amount of anything or kink. The only thing that is right, is what is right for the two of you as a couple.
There are no rules for what your dynamic should be. It gets to be whatever you and your partner cultivate and enjoy. Additionally, healthy D/s can still have sex, intimacy, and even romance. I find that such additions to a D/s relationship strengthen it and add to the bond shared by both partners. If you are experiencing genuine concerns, I suggest a conversation with your partner about your feelings and expectations of eachother and from the relationship.
The text below is my resignation letter - it is long, so if You decide not to read it...i understand.
In it, i tried to focus as much as i could upon myself - the reply, from the D, was totally focused upon me, blaming, judging, name calling at attempted shaming and degrading.
Please keep in mind, that over the lasts 4-months, I have asked x 5-times to sit and negotiate and was denied each time - i have also, repeatedly been told '...you are not my sub...', '...don't expect what has not been negotiated...'
Because i had already resigned by that stage, the hateful nature of the response went unnoticed.
If You do decide to read this, I very much look forward to hearing from You.
"In ongoing discussions with those who care about me, in my journal writing and in my personal reflections upon how I have served You, I have come to realise that, fundamentally, I am unable to serve You in the way You require.
Please understand that I am not complaining or criticizing You.
As You know, I find Your intellect to be one of Your most beautiful characteristics, so I feel it would be disrespectful of me, not to inform You of the things below.
This message is to highlight the cause of my inability to do as You require.
What You require is an absolutely reasonable and acceptable outcome of negotiated agreements between two consenting adults who have different value systems to mine.
Never being given an opportunity to negotiate with You, i understand now, that i allowed myself to be treated as if a slave - the denial of negotiation is something You are responsible for, I am to blame for allowing myself to be treated as a slave.
All of my degrees are built upon my primary interests of all being treated equally – respectfully and considerately, as the person themselves experiences these values, not as others think they are treating them – the ideas of the individual themselves in defining how they are treated, is seen on my fet profile page.
Equality, respect, and consideration are such deeply held values within me, that it is clear to me, that even though I had also deeply loved serving You, these values are so important to me, that I have been unable to ignore them, to allow myself to continue to be treated unequally, disrespectfully and without consideration, as I define how I’ve been treated by myself and by You, in order to serve You, is not within my capabilities.
This is a key reason that, even though, there have been wonderful occasions with You, I have always remained deeply disturbed and unhappy with what has occurred to me in that role with You.
Both You and I deserve better than has been occurring between us.
It is with great sadness, that I must withdraw my offer to serve You.
I thank You for allowing me to serve and hope You thank me for my service to You.
I hope though, that this does not cause us to be unable to say hello, to treat each other as equals.
I say equals, because as I understand it, until a person negotiates away their equality, they are entitled to be treated as an equal - especially in Kink - and as you know, I have not negotiated my equality with anybody away.
I will be happy to discuss any of these ideas if you disagree, or merely want to talk this over."
I feel that that was a totally respectful and appropriate approach to your need to withdraw from the relationship. While I can't speak for her or the context of the dynamic, you are entitled to your feelings. They dynamic should serve you both and something is wrong if either party is dissatisfied. The navigation of a failing dynamic is never pleasant but you seem to have handled your part with tact and respect. I hope you both can move on from this and find partners that a better fit for you both.
Thanks. What I am seeking is a Slave position. I have become very attached to my cock cage. If I find the right Domme I would like her to understand that my orgasm complicates the relationship. Zero orgasms are best for me at least until my Domme gains control. It is seriously hard to find a female Domme. I am trying to work it out with my partner but its very hard. Thank you so much for your replies. You keep me moving forward.
Lack of sex can be an issue. My owner didn't even have a single thing in common with me. Sex makes me happy when it's more then about "just fucking". Which is the same with her. The struggle is with "getting used to each others different ways" which applies in sex and none sex things alike which can enhance each other. etc, etc.
its always wise to have a deep conversation about the future situation especialaly if its a live in!
if you still have doubt you are not ready and it could end up in a mess for you. A dom could fill in your place, a deception for a sub/slave take longer to recover.