Playing with no Committment

Playing with no Committment

lambsone • Sep 26, 2023

For those of you who consistently just want to find someone to play with for an hour or two, or other short term arrangement, do you have any type of reaction when the playtime is over?

Can you walk away without any problem of feeling attached? Do you experience any psychological or emotional effects? If so how do you turn those off? Over the long run, does this practice of playing with different ones take any kind of toll on you in some way? What benefits and/or disadvantages have you experienced in short term noncommittal play?

Interesting in hearing perspectives of both Dom and sub.

Thanks

lambsone • Sep 26, 2023

With my first Master I made the mistake of asking him how I could serve him more. His answer was don't fall in love with me. I tried not to but the activities of BDSM are so naturally bonding that ultimately I couldn't After a year, I had to leave him, I just couldn't take the nonrecipricol attachment anymore. So that's why I am wondering how you keep from getting attached.

LordofPain56 • Sep 27, 2023

Personally, I don't like the idea of short-term play partners and never did. At any time in my past where I had engaged in relations, it was my intent that the union would be lifelong, and those were far and few between. Of those that did exist, the girl moved far away.
If you look in Genesis, it says that they had relations and were married. It does not mean that there was a wedding ceremony; there were none back then. If a man went into a girls tent and had relations with her, they were married because they had become "one" by the act or having relations. Then if you go to Exodus, it says "Thou shalt not commit adultery", and couple that with God's definition of marriage (having relations and becoming "one") you will see that those two commands go hand-in-hand.
So, lets summarize; the smartest most powerful being in the universe told us that when we come together in sex, we become one for LIFE and having another is prohibited. So, in their world, there could never have been any type of venereal disease or AIDS and no deaths because of those.
Having known these things since childhood, I could never be comfortable with one-night stands or part-time play buddies. The thought of those actually turns me off.

lambsone • Sep 27, 2023

Well there are people who prefer short term. I just wondered if their choice affected them and if it did, how they got around it.

Sincorrigible​(sub female) • Sep 27, 2023

The only way it worked for me, was that I had an extensive network of kink friends and play partners. So my emotional needs were spread and met by more than one person.

I only did this in the early days of exploring.

As I learned how much deeper my needs and submission were, I walked away from potential and explorative relationships and encounters because it hurt too much. I needed to be devoted to a man, and the only way that could happen (I learned) was an ownership dynamic, where in effect, it became deep attachment, and love. So lots of false starts and things not being right.

I hear you. If I didn't feel that the man I was developing a dynamic with was looking for the same, I just couldn't let go. I wouldn't feel safe, and the desire to submit would wither and die.

Either that, or I'd carry on and end up hurt.

If you are able to do it, as I once was, I think you have to be very boundaried with your emotions, and therefore not so deep down the rabbit hole.

Having said that, it is possible to have good kink friends where you can just say, 'please can we meet and do x y z?' a top/bottom thing. I did that relatively recently. No fall out from it, other than it opened the floodgates in me to begin my search for a dominant again. It kind of highlighted what I really wanted, which wasn't play with a man with no (or very limited) emotional connection (even though it was a great and physically fulfilling session)

lambsone • Sep 27, 2023

Good thoughts sincorrigible. BDSM is so bonding, it is easy to get attached. Thanks for sharing.

Sweetlydepraved​(masochist female){Owned} • Sep 27, 2023

I tried this once and it did not go well for me. I did get attached and when he ended what he viewed as a temporary thing, which IS what I agreed to and he had every right to view it this way, I was devastated. It was a profound sadness and I cried for weeks. I learned from that experience “keeping it light” just doesn’t work for me. I still care for and respect my old friend but we don’t keep in touch because it was just too confusing for me.

TopekaDom​(dom male) • Sep 27, 2023

I know people inside as well as outside of the collar who do it rather easily. The idea is lies in the fact there are three sides to the lifestyle: Emotional, Mental, and Physical.

Playing falls into the last category. It is simply a (or set of) physical act. Spanking, Flogging, bondage, even forced orgasams. I just think of it as a Friend with Benefits situation.

lambsone • Sep 27, 2023

Maybe that is the key TopekaDom. More simple than we are making it.
"Friend with benefits"

lambsone • Sep 27, 2023

Thank you Sweetlydepraved. I don't think I could reach subspace without caring deeply for or deeply trusting my Dom. And in the context of a relationship that allows bonding. I would feel horribly rejected afterwards if I had to pull away and pretend what we experienced together didn't matter.