How do I find a Dom?

How do I find a Dom?

iluv2read4life69​(sub female) • Aug 13, 2018

I've been looking for a couple of months now but with very little success. I joined fetlife.com and have spent hours upon hours looking at photos, reading abouts and so on and so forth. I met one guy who fit me perfectly but he is not taking on anyone at the moment, but he has helped me learn a lot about myself in regards to my interest in the BDSN lifestyle. He gave me things to look for and things to expect plus things to run away from. With his friendship, I have grown but I have also become stagnant, every Dom I encounter I compare to him, which has not been good for me at all. I have chatted with a few men but have not met any of them because I lose interest with the conversation over time. Most of thier conversations are about nothing but sex, I want to actually get to know a person but that doesn't seem to be the way most of the men on that site work.

I've been to a few munches in my area but it's usually a few subs that attend and no Doms that have any interest in me. I have a few hurdles that may keep men from approaching me which is why I have stuck to using the internet in my search. I use oxygen on occasion and it turns most men off, but if I explain it before they see it it helps.

I had a FWB that use to help me with my sexual frustration but that isn't even fulfilling anymore and one night stands have never been my thing.

Any suggestions would help.

MasterRenton​(dom male) • Aug 14, 2018

Just like anything else you have to go in with your eyes open. I would suggest looking at core values and use those as your blueprint. Odds are you will not find the “perfect” Dom due to none of us are perfect. You likely will find a few that are close enough to give yourself to.

When I am open to meeting and starting a dynamic with a submissive I expect her to voice her intent before I move on my interest. That being said, be bold when it comes to the more experienced Dominants. I am currently open to adding and have had a few offers as of late, that makes the process smoothers overall.

Hope some of that was helpful

Bunnie • Aug 14, 2018

@ iluv2read4life69, I can relate to what you’re saying. I too have met someone in the past who set the bar pretty high, and unknowingly have been using him as my “rule of thumb.” It’s difficult to want anything else when you’ve experienced someone like that. For myself, I’ve found that the type of man I’m attracted to is rare... but still out there. I may not have met any exactly like him, but the few others that I have met, have had their own unique charm. I don’t think you should want anything less than what will make you feel fulfilled. That may however, just take a bit more time. It’s disheartening when you see others meeting people, but I’ve settled before and that won’t happen again (not saying that they’re settling... but if I wanted to just hook up because I felt left out... I’d be settling). I’d love to say that waiting for the right person will all work out happily ever after, and that you’ll meet the man of your dreams... but I’m sorry, I don’t lie. No one can tell us that for certain. We can hope though.
As @ MasterRenton said... and oddly enough, it’s advice I’ve just received recently as well... don’t be afraid to approach those you may believe won’t be interested in you... although (for myself at least) it seems terrifying, and would definitely be very humbling... good things can come from it... the least of which could be some new friends or more knowledge.

Cilantro​(dom male) • Aug 15, 2018

Well if you want to find one here, just look up for profiles of your liking, getting to know people and specifying your own likes and dislikes in your profile seem to be the way. Good luck

Heart of Persephone​(sub female) • Aug 15, 2018

Add more info to your profile page. Talk to people. There are some great people here.

LordofPain56 • Aug 15, 2018

I suggest first sitting down and doing a personal inventory of yourself including all your character traits, your personal likes and dislikes and your life goals (vanilla and otherwise). Knowing yourself in total honesty is key to finding one who might be best suited as your partner.
Unfortunately, many people have abbreviated profiles and they do not state specifically all these things up front in a profile. I have an abbreviated profile on this site, but I have had very descriptive highly detailed profiles on other sites. Neither type has ever brought any interest from anyone on the websites. I've had mostly very descriptive profiles somewhere for over twenty years resulting in no interest. That is not a good track record.
Just read some profiles and try to pick someone who fits your values, needs and goals. If there is lack of information, you can always ask

PiercedHeart​(dom male) • Aug 15, 2018

More info on your profile would be helpful. Setting the bar lower would be good...any visuals (profile pic, things you like etc) would improve your chances. A word of advice: Guys are driven by sex. It's a biological drive, fueled by testosterone and is VERY powerful. However, once you satisfy their sexual urges, then you get to see what else is there. You may as well accept it and learn the skills needed to work with it, because it will not go away. Guys cannot escape it either!

Fudbar​(dom male){❤️❤️❤️} • Aug 15, 2018

Gotta call BS on that. Woman and men are both sexually motivated; saying one feels it more or can't control it is sexist at best.

If you can't keep it in your pants long enough to get to know the person behind the parts, you're setting yourself up for failure and missing out on the best the opposite sex* has to offer.

*or same sex..cishet normative by default. Sorry.

Savida​(other female) • Aug 15, 2018

I’d have to agree with Fud.

Plenty of people will value you for who you are without having to give them sex first. I hope you Don’t ever feel you have to pay for someones time attention or care with your body or sexual acts , or that wanting to get to know someone before having sex is setting the bar too high.

Also while there’s nothing wrong with wanting sex....We can all keep it in our pants until the object (s) of our desire have given us their enthusiastic consent....

DrWakko • Aug 15, 2018

I think people are too caught up in this instant gratification world. You can not turn on your computer or walk into an event and be presented with the perfect partner.

Finding a partner takes time. It takes meeting people. It takes finding out what you like and don’t like.

You are looking for someone to spend the rest of your life with. That person shouldn’t (though it happens) show up as you are walking through the door.

Give it time. It might take a year it might take five. Have fun and enjoy your quest and don’t settle for the first hello.