Im a strange person. I know that. I can be whacky and silly or morbid and twisted. Either way im a little weird. And i have no problem with that. I like not being like everybody else. One of my other weird quirks is im kinky but not..... I have particular kinks that i absolutely love. Like rope, bondage, leather. I also love sensation play and deprivation. Orgasm control both forced and withheld. I love toys and all sorts BUT. I dont like talking about them in a personally sexual nature. I can sit her and talk about things Ive seen at an event, or explaining the feel of a motion or action. What i dont like is describing how i like things done to me or how it makes me feel when i do A B or C. I dont like people talking to me about a scene they can picture me in or anything alone those lines. No No No No No... just no.
This can make it hard. Hard when im getting to know someone. Especially if we are starting to click and they try to engage me in a little dirty talk.... no. It turns me right off. Like a big kick in the balls (i imagine).
It also makes it a struggle in a kinky community. Now like i said i can happily talk about all sorts of things to do with kink and toys or whatever. But i guess im not wired like most or whatever.
The effect it has on me is so negative that i retract right back into my corner, and start calling names and throwing stones. And then i feel regret. I feel stupid. I feel like there is something wrong with me. But i also know i can not change me. Hence why i have accepted that i am a mix of Sapio and Demi sexual. Because i need a connection.
Now i know we all say that. But i really do. To feel any sort of sexual fuzziness in my panties region i need to have let down some seriously high walls to even contemplate feeling turned on by someones advances. Even then it could simply take for them to say one thing that im not into and we are back to square one.
Pretty convinced at this moment that i will die a sexless dried up old hippie who dreams of when i was young. I feel sorry for those who encounter this side of me. Cause i know they have no idea wtf just happened when i loose my shit. Its my defense system. Shut down and reboot. Try again.
So for anyone else out there who feels even slighly like i do you're not alone. I was never really interested in anyone when i was younger. Porn does very little. I thought i could have easily had been a nun. I can appreciate a good body, but it doesn't get me excited. Talking to someone for hours does. But only to my rules....... it will take a ridiculously patient and perceptive person to conquer this weirdo
