Redtailedkitty

Adventures and Explorations

My journey with my husband/Sir as we navigate our way into the BDSM lifestyle.

It's called "fight or flight" for a reason.

5 years ago. March 21, 2019 at 3:08 AM

I've been following along to recent blogs and comments surrounding the "revolving door". Below are my own personal feelings on it.

Some of the comments I have read make a lot of sense, while others astound me in their lack of compassion.

People have a tendency to run when under duress. It's called "fight or flight" for a reason.

They post a blog and leave or post a blog "threatening" to leave. Then they go cool off and realize they really do want to stay.

Does that mean it's attention seeking? Maybe...maybe not. Are there better ways to handle it? Definitely. But in all cases, those people are hurting. Yes, we are all adults here and should handle ourselves as such. That being said, we are all in different places in our journeys and handle tough situations differently. And each situation is an opportunity for growth.

For me personally, I have never actually left, nor have I "threatened" to leave. But I have considered it several times in the time I have been here. And during those times, when I'm struggling with the pain and frustration I'm experiencing, I have blogged about it. Not to "create" drama or "seek attention" as some of the comments I have read suggest, but truly weighing the positives vs negatives of staying.

For example, is it remaining beneficial to my growth or more harmful to my well-being? I honestly cannot answer that question and haven't been able to for awhile. So, I blog (i.e. vent). It brings about some perspective and often it's in the form of the replies that follow.

Now, I admit those that leave and come back can be a bit trying. Hell, I get annoyed with myself in those moments of weakness where I have chosen flight over fight. And I am not so naive that I don't understand the "cry wolf" analogy holding some truth. But perhaps, that person is just not ready to face the challenge of that growth opportunity put before them.

ropefish - This needed to be said. It's easy to jump to conclusions about people, especially when all we have is a very narrow window into their experience. I think this is a good reminded to be less judgmental of others. Thank you for posting. :)

5 years ago

HGB(sub female){Scottish M} - I know what you mean. I came in into a time of chaos. And wondered what the hell I was thinking, questioned my sanity. I would likely be one to just disappear and wonder if anyone even realized. I know I'm not alone in that thinking.

5 years ago

shahh - In a fight or flight response, it takes the body up to an hour to return to it's pre-arousal state (and damn...not the fun arousal). A good strategy might be to write that blog and experience whatever feelings and emotions that come up; Rage, cry, say whatever you need. Then, practice mindfulness, and set a timer. Literally. 60 mins. Go for a walk, play a video game, have some tea, masturbate...whatever the hell you do that relieves stress. THEN when that timer goes off, that's when the decision to post or not can be better made.

5 years ago

Redtailedkitty - I agree with this and it is wonderful advice, a much needed skill. And for many it’s not something they were taught or learned. In that state of flight (or fight) we are often not our most rational self. I know for me personally, this is something I am actively working on, being less reactive and taking that “minute” to calm and come back to it. It’s a skill that isn’t learned overnight. I’m a way better at seeing the signs and backing down for a bit to evaluate when it’s something that builds over time. However, when I get blindsided with something I still struggle to find that damn pause button.

5 years ago

SchrodingersDinosaur(switch female){N/a} - I feel you RTK, when it's really bad it's impossible to even find the stupid power cord to unplug the player in my head, let alone the pause button...thank god it only goes completely insane super infrequently. Just have to remember to work harder on calming myself BEFORE getting going schizo...not after...

5 years ago

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