I learned something about myself tonight. I am not sure I want to be a parent but I am open to it and I don't know how that can reconcile with someone's I loves opinion.
Something's in life are binary for me being as spectrum base as all get out it's shocking to see that.
I haven't decided if I wanted to try to use emerging technology to assist with DNA implantation or simply adopt as so many queer children are abused and unwanted like I was.
My mom echoed it many times if I treat you like this do you think a stanger would do any better. Kept me under her thumb as a child.
Right now I am still very focused on school. I always thought I would revisit this topic once I graduate and have the time to raise a child.
I think tonight is telling in how I'm currently feeling the thought that I don't even get that choice is hurty.
I guess that means I lean towards wanting children one day.
I don't know if I'd feel so strongly if I wasn't forcibly sterilized or if society wasn't so negative towards queer children many do need love and support.
Something you might not know the Hershey's had issues conceiving and they felt people who took there children for granted or abused them weren't fit because of the gift they had. They opened a massive orphanage that still operates to this day trying to give the youth a loving safe place to develop.
I know that I have no use for money, born to a poor single mother I dont have expensive tastes.
Thus becoming a higher level provider when my education is done will pay more then I can use. The thought of wanting to take that and do my best to help others drives me.
I remember so many days I had hoped and prayed someone would help me and it merely echoed into a dark night.
It is said be the change you wanna see. I wanna see more people give a shit and do whatever can be done to make others lives better.
I am tried and silently crying -- goodnight.
