Random Rambling Rants

Was talking to my younger cousin today after the second blizzard of the century hit us this month.

 

"You gonna go out and play in the snow with your friends?"

 

"Ew, no one is gonna do that. That's so cringe"

 

I paused and wanted so badly to find the words to explain to her you can't let how other people's perceptions prevent you from having fun. That you can only be young and carefree once.

 

Stop worrying about making mistakes, they happen and build you up to who you will be. No one has ever gotten through life without making them.

 

I don't know if this will make sense to anyone. Just rambling really.

I'm often called a hypocrite when I tell people I identify as a Dom. "Wait, aren't you a feminist? How can you follow that lifestyle if you believe in women's rights?" One can absolutely be both and I'm not doing mental gymnastics when I say that. A feminist to me is a person who knows women have the power to choose whatever they want to be. That the most empowering thing a woman can ever do is to choose the man she wants to submit to for the rest of her life. That she chooses not to be any random slut but My slut, My cocksleeve, My cum dump princess. Being a Dom is a gift entitled to me by the strongest woman I know, My sub. She looks to me as her mentor, trainer, her pillar of strength. She wants me to help make decisions not because she can't make them on her own but because she respects that my wisdom and experienced. I love providing that. I want to teach her and help her through everything in life, not just questions about our lifestyle, I mean everything.

 

I am not demanding her Labour.

 

It just hurts a lot. Always being told "I like you but..."

 

Always finding out there's one thing you don't tick off on someone's checklist.

 

People are always seeking perfection instead of working towards perfection.

 

I'm tired.

More and more I've been seeing profiles say they have "no limits" and I can't help but look at it with disapproval. Don't get me wrong, I understand why so many do, it sounds hot as fuck. Trying to show you have absolute faith in them, that you're the kinkiest of the kinky. Maybe you have an extreme fantasy you want to experience. Truth is everyone absolutely has limits and it's completely ignorant to act there isn't.

 

The problems are twofold:

 

You're really only going to attract predators who want to take advantage of said ignorance. Ones who will abuse your lack of boundaries to exploit and abuse you.

 

Genuine kinksters will most likely not take you seriously. Actual ethical practitioners don't want to guess what your boundaries are. Saying "nothing is off limits" makes me personally wary. Either you're way too new to everything which is already a lot of pressure or you're lying to try to impress me which is actually worse.

 

Just be honest if you're unsure of what your kinks are. If you're still figuring it out, great. Say so, be up front with your (potential)partner instead of starting off misleading them. It is so much worse letting them believe anything they do is okay only for you both to discover too late that it is in fact NOT a good thing to do with you.

 

And there is a difference between kink and fetish, having a kink does not mean it's also your fetish. Fetishes are thoughts/fantasies/ideas that you get off to, kinks are something you actually enjoy the practice of. Example, breeding can be a very hot fetish but people may not actually want children. Super important to differentiate between those with others.

 

For those of you still insisting you have no limits? Great, prove it by slamming a door on your genitalia repeatedly.

More and more I see people listing "degradation" as a limit and I cannot help but feel they've had a very poor, if not downright traumatic, experience with it. I am not here to convince those poor souls otherwise. Just to enlighten them that like everything else in life, there are levels to everything. Without further ado, let's talk about . . .

 

THE ART OF SOFT DEGRADATION AND HUMILIATION

 

First and foremost, let us discuss the distinction between the two.

 

• Degradation is about altering how a submissive sees themselves—dirty, needy, helpless, or any other deliciously depraved state they crave.

• Humiliation focuses on how the dominant sees them—flustered, exposed, embarrassed, and trying (but failing) to hide how much they love it.

 

There is definitely some overlapping themes but they work together beautifully, just like any good dynamic based on communication and trust.

 

Degradation is all about making someone feel small in a way that feels sexy, safe, and oddly empowering. When done right, your partner isn’t just being called a “slut”—they’re being made to feel like your slut, which makes all the difference.

 

How to Make Degradation Feel Good

 

A) Anchor It with Ownership

Nothing makes “filthy” feel better than knowing it’s all for you. A little possessiveness softens the sharp edges.

• Example: “Look at you—such a perfect little mess for me already. I wouldn’t even need to put my name on you. It’s already written all over that pretty face every time you blush for me.”

B) Sprinkle in Praise

Balance the grit with a little sugar. Let them know their depravity delights you.

• Example: “You’re such a needy little thing—exactly the way I want you.”

C) Play It Teasingly

Degradation with a smirk hits way harder than degradation with a snarl. You’re playing with them, not condemning them.

• Example: “You’re so helpless when I touch you like this. I could tell you the sky’s green, and you’d just nod and beg me to describe the shade. Don’t worry, I find you irresistible when you’re this easy to tease.”

Degradation works when it’s clear you’re adoring the parts of them they feel most vulnerable about. It’s not about tearing them down—it’s about making them revel in their filthiness because they know you cherish them for it.

 

Humiliation: Blush, Baby, Blush

 

Humiliation is the art of making someone squirm in the best way possible. It’s about teasing their reactions—the way they blush, the way they try (and fail) to keep their composure.

How to Make Humiliation Fun

A) Call Out Their Reactions

Notice the things they think they’re hiding (spoiler: they’re not), and tease them about it like it’s the cutest secret you’ve ever uncovered.

• Example: “You’re blushing so much right now. Do you even realize how sweet you look when you try to hide from me?”

B) Make It Playful

A little humor takes the sting out of embarrassment and makes it feel more like an inside joke.

• Example: “* You’re so needy for me, aren’t you? I can practically hear it in the way you’re breathing—like every exhale is a little cry for more of me. You’re completely mine, and I absolutely love that about you.*”

C) Praise Their Vulnerability

Show them that their blush, their squirming, their everything is exactly what you want.

• Example: “You’re so cute when you try to act shy. But we both know the truth, don’t we?”

Humiliation done right feels like a private performance, where the embarrassment is half the thrill—and knowing they’re yours to tease is the other half.

 

Balancing the Sharp with the Sweet

 

The easiest way to make degradation and humiliation feel nice is by grounding them in ownership and layering on praise.

• Ownership: Words like my slut, my mess, mine make even the roughest edges feel safe. They remind the submissive that no matter how far they’re pushed, they belong to you—and their vulnerability is being treasured, not exploited.
• Praise: Acknowledge their willingness to go there with you. Degradation and humiliation are like gift-wrapping their submission—make sure you’re unwrapping it with gratitude.

 

Bringing It All Together

 

“You’re such a filthy little thing for me—and blushing like you don’t love every second of it. You’re mine, and you’re perfect just like this.”

Want another example?

“You’re such a messy little slut, and you can’t even hide how much you love it. Look at you, blushing so hard it’s practically a confession. Don’t worry, sweetheart—your secret is safe with me.”

See how it blends both? The internal (messy little slut) and the external (calling out the blush), all wrapped up in possession, teasing, and reassurance.

 

Risks and Key Discussions for Partners

 

While “nice” degradation and humiliation can be deeply fulfilling, they require trust, communication, and ongoing consent. Here are key points to discuss:

A) Triggers and Limits

• What words or themes feel good vs. bad?
• Are there past experiences that could make certain phrases harmful?

B) Aftercare Needs

• Does your partner need extra reassurance afterward?
• What helps them transition back to a grounded state?

C) Intent and Context

• Do they enjoy being pushed into feeling small and helpless, or is it more about playful embarrassment?
• How does degradation/humiliation fit into their overall sense of submission?

D) Non-Verbal Cues

• What physical or emotional signs indicate they’re loving it?
• What signs suggest they might be struggling?

E) Check-Ins and Recalibration

• Does this play still feel good for both of you?
• Are there new things they want to try—or things they no longer enjoy?

 

How This Can Evolve Over Time

 

Many submissives start with light teasing or playful embarrassment, then gradually crave deeper degradation or humiliation.

Finding Your Perfect Degree

✔ Some submissives crave deeper degradation over time. That’s natural. ✔ Others never want more than soft humiliation. That’s just as valid. ✔ The key? Finding where you thrive—the place that gives you the most satisfaction.

There’s nothing wrong with you if you want more. There’s nothing wrong with you if you never do.

A dynamic that evolves naturally becomes richer and more intoxicating over time.

 

Pitfalls & Quick Fixes

 

Mistakes happen. Here’s how to avoid common pitfalls:

🚩 Going too hard, too fast – Start with teasing, watch their reaction.

🚩 Misreading reactions – Use a check-in phrase: “Still with me, sweetheart?”

🚩 Forgetting aftercare – Praise them after: “I love seeing you like that.”

🚩 Sudden Adverse Reactions – Sometimes, what normally turns them on won’t hit the same way. Hormones, stress, their self esteem, or other outside factors can change how they process degradation or humiliation.

✔ Solution? If they suddenly withdraw, pause immediately.

✔ Say something grounding: “Talk to me, sweetheart. What do you need?”

✔ Reaffirm safety: “Nothing changes how I see you. You’re still mine.”

Note: If something that usually excites them suddenly doesn’t, it doesn’t mean anything is ‘wrong.’ It just means their headspace is different today. Shift gears, offer reassurance, and let them know their comfort always comes first.

Degradation and humiliation can be deeply rewarding when handled with care. Keep it playful, intentional, and trust-driven, and you’ll open up a whole new realm of submission.

 

Final Thoughts

 

At the end of the day, degradation and humiliation aren’t about cruelty—they’re about connection. You’re guiding your partner into vulnerability, not shoving them there. When you balance the sharp with the sweet—adding praise, ownership, and playful banter—it stops being about breaking them down and starts being about celebrating how much you love every messy, blushing, deliciously filthy part of them.

And really, isn’t that the whole point?

 

Just some things I've noticed from the community at large, not anything specific to the Cage or any groups.

 

• Cliques being a thing. It feels so... high school... I'm tired of going to "community" events and feeling ostracized for being the new guy. Especially if it's advertised as being "educational"
• The amount of "subs" that come into this lifestyle with the unhealthy mindset that you "deserve" to be punished due to low self esteem. It's effectively self-harm with extra steps. It's incredibly unnerving as a Dom to meet so many of you that just want to jump straight into being hurt...
• Before that last point gets accused of victim blaming, there is the obvious flip side of the amount of people who title themselves "dominants" without having put in the time, research, and effort to earn said title. The worst part is when they flaunt their obvious ignorance in front of others and then dare to call others "fakes" when they are called out.
• This one deeply irks me personally. So many in the community ignore or downright deny that Dom Drop is a thing. We are not kink dispensers, we deserve to be checked in on too, to have our wants and needs acknowledged, to have our day asked about, a simple "are you okay?"
• The biggest grievance of all, that so many in the community equate kink to swinging. Monogamy is still alive and well for many in this world and should/need to be respected just as much as the poly crowd.

 

I am so tired.

We all know about the big red flags that we, hopefully, usually catch before we commit to anything. But there are smaller signs that some of you may have been lucky enough to either avoid or not experience entirely. Today I am here to share the latter, at least the ones I have learned about the hard way.

 

a) They are intensely fixated on certain things. It may be a specific kink, an "interest", a part of human anatomy, etc. Some thing they "must" include in their every "thing", not just their every day. Unless it's a shared passion/fetish, run away because it is an obsession they will definitely not let go. And I want to specifically point out I am not talking about obsessive compulsive disorders. The example I will provide for myself is foot fetish. Personally I dislike feet and always tell potential partners as such. A previous person of interest would discreetly talk about their feet, include them in any picture sent to me, and always have them touching me in one form or another.

 

b) Lack of reciprocity. You put in a lot of effort in the initial conversation, not just replying constantly but a lot of thought and genuine interest in the questions and answers while they barely provide the minimum in theirs. Not talking about the dreaded one word answers that everyone knows to look out for but the very disingenuous ones. "Oh I love that" "What do you love about it?" "All of it!" "Is there any specific part you wouldn't want to do?" "Not at all!"

 

c) Inconsistency. Maybe initial conversation is wonderful, for the first few weeks they are able to reply constantly and instantly but then disappear for another few weeks at a time. The real indicator this is a red flag is when they come back and completely dismiss or are extremely vague about why they were gone. This can happen in D/s terms too. If they are very specific and intense about certain dynamic interactions, IE following certain rules and enforcing them, for a week or two and then they are suddenly lax about them, then come back around to wanting them to be incorporated again for a few days. This constant flip flopping, or as the great Michael Scott says, "snip snap, snip snap!" is a really bad sign.

 

d) This next one I have learned about myself and I fully admit I have been guilty of. The "respectful" ones who will initially accept your "no" to something but will constantly bring it back up over and over again. Going to provide an example of what I myself have done and am deeply ashamed of doing. Being told no for a picture of the person's body, I initially was completely understanding and accepted it. After a few days I brought it up again and asked if they were ready now. Of course they weren't and I accepted and moved on but I brought it back up again and again and again in various ways over the next few days. While I may not have been consciously aware of what I was doing, in every way I was being extremely disrespectful and obviously not capable of taking "no" for an answer. To you if you ever read this, I am sorry.

 

e) They keep enforcing this image/ideal of you that you are not wholly comfortable with but it's something they like/desire. Some sort of "perfect" role that they desperately want you to achieve that you do not completely identify as.  If it's something you know deep down you would never be, run.

 

f) They are completely okay with you safe wording but then make you feel extremely bad about it afterwards by guilt/shaming you for "killing the mood" Holy cow I cannot stress how dangerous of a sign that is.

 

I hope this helps someone out there. Do not doubt your instincts, if you are ever uncomfortable listen to that tiny voice in your head.

Just because I message you does not mean I want to sext.

 

Just because I like your profile does not mean you ask for me "to please spank" you.

 

Just because I identify as a kinkster does not mean I am not a person with boundaries and self respect.

 

Just because I am a Dom does not mean I aim to have someone call me honorifics right away.

 

Fucking talk to me as a person first and get to actually know me.

 

I'm so tired of it all.

This is not a post attacking anyone in particular

 

More and more I am learning that subs are capable of being abusers too. Don't get me wrong, yes there are plenty of predators out there who masquerade as Doms and give us bad names. No, I completely recognize and acknowledge that fact. This post is not to diminish the ones who are struggling to find a "real" Dom.

 

Fact of the matter is, abusers exist on all ends of this lifestyle. And it fucking hurts.

 

Let me provide a common example I've come across personally often.

 

"I'm a brat, I need a Dom who has the strength to tame me!"

 

"Okay, what are your favorite ways to be tamed?"

 

"That's YOUR job, you're supposed to figure that out!"

 

That is an extremely unhealthy and downright abusive mentality to have. It puts all the pressure on one party to live up to a certain ideal and goal that is not being communicated in any way, no negotiation of any parameters, no respectful communication of desires and consent.

 

If you wish to engage and play with any sort of punishment involved, there needs to be communication of what that should look like at the very least. Consent has to be given for what is allowed and wished for, not to be assumed.

 

This is not a direct attack on brats, I know a lot of you get lumped into a bad category but it's the most common example I can think of currently. Thanks for reading my rant... I'm so very tired.

*Preface*

This is not addressed to anyone in particular but to those who need to hear it. Do not come in attacking me from some arbitrary high ground about how this doesn't apply to you.

 

It has pained me throughout the years how many subs I have encountered that imagine their future Dom is some magical combination of Captain America, disciplinarian, sex machine, chef, therapist, educator, father figure, home maker, provider, rock, safe space, ambulatory dildo, all with the patience of a Buddhist monk. Not going to speak on the behalf of my fellow Dom/mes, some of us definitely can be all of the above and fucking kudos to you brothers/sisters/non-binary siblings, but I want to address the one title I personally cannot and will never be.

 

Please don't expect me to be your full time therapist.

 

In this wonderful exciting age in society where we are finally understanding mental health is as important as physical health, at least in my corner of the world again don't want to speak on behalf of everyone, please know there are more and more trained professionals out there that know how to deal with mental and emotional trauma and can help you with it. Understand that I am not one of them. For the life of me, know that I am not perfect and am dealing with my own personal baggage, which I will gladly share with you if you wish, just like I would want to share yours so we're both not overwhelmed. There is however a big difference between sharing your traumas with me and dumping them all over me expecting me to be your life raft, to carry them in this turbulent raging ocean storm called life. I can't fix you babe, please understand that. I can only help you temporarily in between the times the therapist is available. I am a band-aid at best, not the surgeon you need.