I've had some rough times here, on this site, and I don't like to remember them, but I feel that those experiences are important to share them with others, to help them avoid what I've gone through.
One of my very first times I was contacted by a man, he asked me what I was into. Being so new I told him that I didn't really know since I was new, but I was open to talking and trying out stuff. He was into something I wasn't sure of at that time. He was into harsh verbal humiliation. I told him that I didn't know about it and I felt a little uncomfortable about it. He assured me I was going to be fine and just give it a try.
I said ok.
It got bad fast. I felt so scared and I was crying. He demanded that I turn on my video camera and I don't even remember doing it. Next thing I knew it was on and he was saying very mean things about my body and calling me names I'd never heard before. I was sobbing and huddled in a ball peeing myself as I cried. He did not stop. I was begging him to stop. But he just got worse. I told him again to stop and that I was hurt. But he didn't and I felt like I could not move. I started to believe him, thinking all of those bad things he was saying about me were true. I felt like I was going to pass out and I just started to say Red over and over (I had just read 50 shades of Grey and at that time thought it was universal safe word). I tried to move from the laptop but he ordered me not to. I still don't know how I found the strength to shut off the laptop. I got it turned off at last and I just sat there crying in a puddle of my own urine for the longest time, until I got up my courage to move and wash up.
Afterwards he contacted me again and asked how I liked it.
What he did was not OK.
It is not OK for someone to make such demands or to throw you into a scene without any kind of preparation.
It is not OK for someone to start making demands with nothing to offer.
it is no OK for someone to expect to dominate a woman without knowing her, without having a clue about her.
This is not acceptable. I am a t the point that I am willing to do, and I would do ANYTHING that my Master would ask me to. But you know why?
Because I trust him. I trust him with my life! He took the time and gain my complete trust.
He never demands anything from me. I don't think he ever did.
I do anything he asks of me not because he demands it, but because I want to do anything he desires.
I know, and he proved it to me over and over again, that I can trust him completely. He always takes care of my needs.
I don't have to think. He knows me better than I know myself sometimes. And that feels amazing!
Now for the people that have no clue about how a real D/s works, let's get some misunderstanding out of the way:
1 - I can think on my own. I have full control over my everyday life. My Master has control over my sex life because THIS IS WHAT I CHOOSE! I can tell him no at anytime.
2 - I am not brainwashed! I do not praise my Master because he makes me or asks that of me! I do that because my Master makes me very happy and I want to let everyone know.
3 - I am not trying to convince anyone of anything! Yes, my Master does Online Submissive training with other submissives. I think he is very good at it and knowledgeable. I would recommend him to any submissives that wants to avoid going through what I've gone through. But at the same time I will respect anyone's choices. Please respect mine!
4 - After reading this post, I hope that you will understand why I have absolutely NO desire to chat or connect with any other dominant or master males out there. I made this abundantly clear on my profile and on my screen name. If you disrespect me and my limits I will disrespect you. If you are a dominant male and want to compliment me or express any positive thoughts about my page or blogs, you are welcome to, but this would be the extent of our conversation.
5 - Just because you call yourself a master or dominant does not gives you the right to make demands to me (or to anyone else for that matter). I only submit to my Master!
6 - I am in an incredibly happy place right now, and I will not let anyone or anything threaten this. If you remotely understand this feeling then - great, if you never experienced that and you want to, then hopefully you can find someone to train you the right way.
I want to add a special thank you to my Master, ONLINE TRAINING DOM(dom male) for helping me with this post. I couldn't have gotten up the nerve to get this done with out him.
I belong to Master!