cynamn

TreasureMe​(sub female){inspired} - I have alot to say as a submissive, since I'm obviously not a Dom. But you're asking for Doms to respond so I'll sit back and see what they have to say. I'm curious.

Susie Q{Daddy Ant} - I too will wait and see. I will probably second most of what you’d say.

cynamn​(sub female){Owned} - As a slave (newly) I have always felt protected. I have always been cared for. This has come as a shock. It makes me wonder why there is no recourse. Surely Doms do not want a man like this in their midst. Surely there is away other subs can be warned about him. There should ve a website we can go to and check on the integrity of a Dom

Mr Gregory​(dom male) - This isn't a D/s issue. This is a predatory human issue. This is extortion, stalking and against the law in most jurisdictions. Call the police. Keep any threatening texts as evidence. Give in and the victimization wont stop. That's my opnion.

jackdaws - This. This is a predator and a scumbag, not a Dom. They need reporting to the police and a restraining order taken out against them. It is always up to you what you do, whatever your preferences are, if you are uncomfortable in a situation, you should be able to speak up and say No regardless whether you are a Slave, a Sub or even a Dom or Master, if you say No... that means No (or any other form of "stop now" or safe word in any setting). If you are ever in a relationship, whether kinky or not, and the other person behaves like this, report them. This is NOT your fault, this is clearly theirs.

If you are a part of a local kink community, there should be someone you can also report this to, and this can be passed on to others, as this person likely isn't just doing it to you. You could save somebodies life by speaking up, as this is often not the limit of what they are capable of. It could also save yours.

The less contact you have with this person, the better. This is not a safe situation, and unless consensual, all activity (kinky or not) should be done in a safe manner.

A REAL Dom would accept your boundaries, and would protect you from this kind of behaviour. This person is using the title as an excuse for his actions, and needs to be treated as such, a predator.

I understand that this can be a delicate matter in terms of family and friends finding out, but this could develop into something much worse if not stopped now. In my humble opinion, I agree with SadistDaddyDom, go to the police. Report this person. Keep all evidence of wrong doing, and do not allow this person into your life or near you again.

This is horrid, and I am so sorry this has been your experience so far. I hope you find that person, or persons, who completes you in all of the ways you need.

Good luck, you are in our thoughts.

cynamn​(sub female){Owned} - I thank you for your response. Everyone has been kind. I have been treated well and fairly and have net mostly wonderful people in the lifestyle, so I can't complain, it's just unfortunate this should happen while I have no Master

lifeofdom​(dom male) - Although the opinion above is very valid:
A predator that masks as a dom
The practicality of ia that the police usually wont do much.. it's an uphill battle to be honest..
Most likely if you call on the police he will release the information to your family after being confronted ..
It can be that the police will do something useful by enforcing it with a restraining order.
But after an initial interview he would contact your family until said order would be in place.
Denial or even telling your family that he is "weird" and that's why you left him.. would be my action.

jackdaws - While this is also true to an extent, it does depend on where you are in the world.

Some places are more accepting than others, some are more progressive than others. It is a very delicate situation regardless, and unfortunately in some countries, you having consented in the past means you have consented now (disgusting in my opinion, consent is purely momentary and fleeting).

Keeping pictures, videos and communications about past partners is something that can be used against you at a later date, and is why I always advise people to be VERY careful when going through breakups to make sure these things are deleted in their entirety (or at least to the best of you and your partners ability).

Legally speaking this is a terrible grey area depending where you live. However, it is your only real legal route, and the only one that can protect you from further danger (if it works). Having a close network of people who are trusted who can also help protect you is also an option too.

Using the "he's a weirdo who forced me into these things, and this is why I left him" excuse can work to cover for your family, but again, can be dangerous depending on the situation with them.

I would still report this person myself, but Northern Irish police are pretty good about keeping things from being broadcast to all and sundry.

Some people I know have scary looking (and often scary in actuality) friends who they use to enforce compliance too, but this can also be dangerous depending on the situation and requires a lot of trust. Sometimes, someone simply mediating can be a solution. There is no perfect One Size Fits All solution to this, and it will take some finesse and finagling to be sorted to a satisfactory degree.

But, I repeat; This is NOT acceptable behaviour on his part, this person is a predator, and needs treating as such.

Broken Bonds​(dom male) - It's really hard to understand this for subs, especially those that identify as slaves, but at the end of the day a true D/s dynamic is always always always always about consent between all parties involved. There should never ever be a violation of trust and there should definitely never ever be a true feeling of desperate fear of one's life/well being. As others have said, you are not dealing with a true Dom worthy of the title but a predator, one who hides behind this lifestyle and perverts it. Cut all contact, go to the police, it is not a waste of time as you will now have a record of telling them and they can and will protect you should he do anything again. It sucks that they can't really do anything the first time but the important thing is you HAVE to make some sort of record of telling them before it is too late. If and when he does harass you and/or anyone close to you then you can follow up with a restraining order. Good luck to you friend.

Sweetlydepraved​(masochist female){Owned} - I’m not a dominant or a master but I have had 2 or 3 men (I’m using that term loosely) try to use the blackmail thing. You have some great practical advice here but there’s something missing. The perspective of another slave.

My experiences:
Once it was a local stranger who I talked to 2 days and decided I wasn’t interested. He told me if I didn’t meet him tonight at a park he’d ruin my life. I felt fairly confident that he had no information that he could even connect me with, so I just ignored it. I was afraid though, I felt unsafe for a while because even though I didn’t share anything, there are ways to find information if you’re skilled enough.

The second was someone I thought was a friend, and he did know enough about me. When I ended the friendship because of bad behavior he pulled a bunch of information from the web and said something like imagine what I could do with this. I also ignored this, but again felt unsafe and worried.

The other was my former Master of 3-4 years. This was actually the first time it happened. Basically the same thing as the other times, ruin your life blah blah blah. I called the bluff, but I felt very unsafe for a very long time.

After the third time it happened and experiencing those feelings of violation and danger, I decided to do an evaluation. What would truly happen if someone were to do the whole “ruin your life” thing? The reality is, not a whole lot. At most I might have to have some uncomfortable conversations and actually that might be cathartic to be in the open with everyone I know. Another way I thought about it was mutually assured destruction, outing me also outs him. This is only valid if he’s not living in grandma’s basement and actually has a life with value.

The point of all of this is, you define what makes you afraid or feel threatened. You are an unowned slave, and I know how hard that is. I imagine you might feel like you’re swimming in shark infested waters with an open wound. You are. However, that doesn’t mean you can’t retake your own innate power and choose to not allow anyone who doesn’t deserve it to control you or your emotions.

So, yes, absolutely document it and use the advice you’ve been given about the authorities. Also spend some time truly thinking about how to tap into your inner resilience and how to fortify yourself against the harm so many people think they have the right to inflict.

cynamn​(sub female){Owned} - I want to thank you for your time on replying. You gave me shivers as I knew what and how I feel. This Dom I had turned down and did not want him in my life. But we had chatted for about 2 weeks. And it was maybe a year ago. So it was a shock to suddenly hear from him again. Anyway I had come to the dame conclusion as you did. Stand up and own who I am. I am proud of my training of who I have become. And whatever the consequences I will take them
As you say ...it will be wonderful to live the lifestyle freely.
Thank you so much

Sweetlydepraved​(masochist female){Owned} - I’m happy to help 🙂 Feel free to reach out anytime you need to talk through anything!

cynamn​(sub female){Owned} - Thank you

Zedland​(dom male) - I suppose the advice I have to offer would mostly reflect that above. This person isn't really a Dom, but a predator and bully.

As for practical steps. If you think they represent a threat to your physical safety or life go right to the police with everything you have.

On the other hand if they are "just" threatening reputational damage that is probably a crime in your jurisdiction, some form of blackmail or harassment. It might even qualify you for a no contact or restraining order, but the process of getting one of those outside a physical threat or a conviction for harassment is not as easy or straightforward as it maybe should be. While I am not discouraging you from contacting the authorities (and as mentioned above if you feel at all at risk of bodily harm the police should be your first stop) I would suggest you or someone you trust send the asshole in question a strongly, but not threateningly, worded text first. Something along the line of "I feel that you insinuations you will disclose personal details if I do not perform certain sexual acts is extremely insulting and threatening. I do not want to ever hear from you again. If you persist in trying to contact me, my family or any of my associates I will have no choice but to contact the authorities." Something in plain writing that says you don't want to ever hear from them again or have them disclose any personal information. Bullies are cowards at heart, tell them to get fucked and they run off nine times out of ten. And if this one doesn't you can now point to an unambiguous statement this asshole has ignored and continued to pester you, which is harassment.

cynamn​(sub female){Owned} - Thank you that is great advice

abcdom abc​(dom male) - Being a victim is more of a mentality than an actual thing.
Believe you are strong and you are. Believe you are victim and you are.
Change your perception = change your life....
Just because you choose to be strong, or refuse to see yourself as a victim, doesn't mean you cant still be submissive to someone you values your submission as a gift.

As for his threats, try reverse psychology.
Tell him, go ahead and tell everyone..... I dare you....
He won't.... Because then he'll have to explain his part.
You will take the wind right out of his narcissistic, abusive, sails.

Just my $.02 worth.
Good luck!

Sweetlydepraved​(masochist female){Owned} - I disagree, the best way to deal with a narcissist is to not deal with them. The above statement will only perpetuate the problem. Disengagement and zero contact is the only thing they can’t feed off of you.

abcdom abc​(dom male) - I stand corrected.
I fully agree no contact is best.

cynamn​(sub female){Owned} - Yes it is the way I am treating him.

SirJamesA​(dom male) - Not much advice left to say with out repeating it all. He is not a Dom if he's forcing, demanding, threatening, blackmailing he's a predator that your local community leaders need to know about. As our local groups have a blacklist that floats and is updated between group leaders to let others know about to especially help newbies that are getting into kink.
SSC RACK.... we all have rules to follow to keep us safe. Slave, submissive, pet, little..... you always have the power to end it you never owe anyone anything you give because they EARNED it. Hold your power and gift until someone comes along and earns it again stay strong because you are strong.

cynamn​(sub female){Owned} - Thank you. I am strong. I am not his victim. I will take any consequences my actions cause but I will not give in to him. I am so grateful for all the kind people who have cared. Thank you for your encouragement