4 days ago. Nov 23, 2020, 6:40 AM
I call this my first real experience with BDSM, because in my mind, and now with the knowledge and understanding of what it is and what the rules are of it, I have come to consider this my first legitimate experience in BDSM. I was forged into the pliant soul that I am by others, long before I met him.
I met Larry (I am not using his real name) while I was in second grade, shortly after we had to move because of something that I did (Story for a later time). I met him at the old corner store, and he was nice to me, even though he was much older than me, and gave me some candy. After that he was always nice when he would see me, and I never really questioned it growing up. I once watched him knock a kid out in one punch, I later learned that he had said something rude about me in earshot of Larry. Despite not knowing a lot about him, I developed an admiration for him, and once I began figuring out what I liked, a crush on him, well, as much of one as I allowed myself to have back then.
Now let us move forward about a decade. I am still a teen, and Larry is old enough to buy alcohol by now, he is around a year older than my eldest brother. We moved (Nothing unusual with this), and I was neighbors with him, and that made him happy, at first. Between my work (wage, and other type of work), therapy after the rape, taking care for my family, and watching the special needs coworker of mine that lost his place to live due to a fire, I had absolutely no free time (But hey, I was doing good things). Everytime he would ask me over, I mostly had to turn him down, and half the time I took him up on it, I would take my medicine and zonk out. He got frustrated, and learned that my coworker was crushing hard on me, and devised a way to force me to come see him.
After the usual failure to get me to come see him, he waited for coworker and I to return from the store, and got him to agree to go down there with him. About thirty minutes later the coworker calls and tells me that Larry wants me to come down now, since I had dinner ready, and he told me that he (My coworker) really needed me down there, I went to his house.
When I stepped in and saw the look of terror on my coworker's face, I became concerned. After Larry telling me about, his uncle knowing me, his uncle was one of the two that had raped me around Easter of nineteen-ninety (He didn't use rape though, because his uncle told him that I liked it) my coworker being hard up for me, and that Larry was going to teach me how to be a good little slut for my coworker, I got belligerent about this. I was given the ultimatum; either I do this, or my coworker and my sister would be turned out. I was confused, frightened, but yet, I resigned my life, and began my life as his slut, his whore, because the next day the coworker was gone first thing, so I belonged to him.
Even though he told me that I could trust him, and that he would not hurt me, more often than not, the end would result in pain of some kind for me, but hell that was just pain, so it does not matter because I am a boy. So on and on it went for several months, most were really minor injuries, bruising light cuts, etc. He did have a thing for wanting to mark me, and me being the good little submissive did not really resist, though was letting him know that I thought these were bad ideas, because I am not talking hickeys, or maybe flog marks, I am talking about he left this big burn mark on my leg because he got this notion to brand me, I also have a scar on my chest where he tried to carve his initials over my heart. The worst time that he lost his temper with me, was when I accident got the fire of his cigarette to close to his hand as I was handing it to him, he stuck the cherry on to my palm. By that time though, I had already discovered that I could enjoy pain a lot.
He was mostly kind, and let me keep some of the money that I made when he took me to a hotel room to be his whore. Finally, we seemed to start clicking really well , and I was actually getting into being his submissive sissy slut. But as usual, all good things come to an end I guess.
Apparently his mother over heard his asking to borrow some sex toys from his sister, and cornered her about why he was asking for those things. After that she apparently confronted Larry, and he came clean about everything, even about blackmailing me, into doing what he had me doing. His mother marched him straight into one of the psychiatric hospitals that were near by, then left a message for me to call after I got off work. After getting home and getting the message I go down, totally confused as to why it was her leaving a message, I went down immediately. I was told by his mother that she regretted that her son did such a horrible thing to me. She also let me know that I was free from his control. She also informed me that I shouldn't go to the authorities with it, because everyone knows I am just a faggot anyway, and she knows that I prostituted myself before this ever started, so there was that too. Thus ended my first experience as someone's submissive, slave, slut, faggot, fuck toy, whore.
After this, I think something broke for me, and I was not really able to get shit back together for a long time. Years later I ran into Larry at a bar, and he apologized profusely, that he never meant to go as far as he did. I told him about how I had admired him as a kid, but now trust is gone, and I did not know if there would be any between us again, but I still could not hate him. We still run into each other on occasion, and still greet each other and catch up on each others lives.
When it comes to BDSM, I had only one other relationship involving it, and it was not as intense or as frequent as that was. I had some choking and spanking, etc during visits with clientele, and I guess that counts, but it was usually bad ideas, and rare, especially with the choking. Because of my misguided loyalty to the idea of what a family is, I had to keep it out of sight (Like my homosexuality), because of the family image. I can not really say I am 'experienced' in BDSM, and that is why after several months of thought and planning, I am beginning to learn things about what I like.