The General Musings of a Sane Madman

Good afternoon, my dear loyal reader! How are you this fine Thursday? I hope you’re well! And if not? Stop it! Because it’s just that easy, right?

But I’m doing good today. It’s a happy day. It’s my birthday! I’m now another year older, a little wiser, and not quite grey enough for it to matter. Which I’m weirdly annoyed with. I know the grey is coming, so hurry the up!! Stop teasing, you jerk! I’m ready to go grey gracefully and fully embrace life as a silver fox. Or whatever term is used nowadays, since it’s not the early 90s anymore.

To celebrate my birthday, I have spent most of the day listening to music, even though I’ve been working all day. The joys of having the easiest job in the world! Later I’m going to dinner with family, followed by a relaxing night at home with maybe a little fun on the side. Who knows? Could happen!

But the overall topic of this post is going to be a little darker, a little less happy. Yay for that on a birthday, right? 

But I pose a question to you, wonderful reader of mine. Have you ever been dealing with a heavy emotion and randomly found a song that just completely fits your mood and explains what you’re going through in a way your own words just couldn’t? 

Obviously everyone has been in some sort of mood and a song comes along and amplifies it or helps you cope or even makes it worse. That’s one of the beautiful things about music. It can really have an impact on one’s emotions. 

But that’s not quite what I’m asking. Have you ever been neck deep in the shit and a song comes from nowhere and just explains the tangled mess in your head and makes sense of the chaos in your heart?

It happened to me recently and it was such a strange feeling. To peel back the layers of the onion that is me, I deal with a lot of negative thoughts and feelings of inadequacy. Chalk it up to a family that didn’t care. But I’m not here to bash them or vent my frustrations.

Recently I was having a fairly strong bout of self doubt and feeling like I wasn’t good enough or able to be… anything really. Am I really a man? Why do my friends even talk to me? Am I even worth looking at as a romantic interest? Am I going to be a good father if/when the time comes? Am I even a good person? 

Luckily, these thoughts spring out of nowhere and choke me like a Popeyes biscuit without a drink. So it’s a fun game of “Let’s ruin this kids whole fucking career!” 

Sorry. I got weirdly sidetracked. The point is, as I was running the shit gauntlet, I had a song come on that just hit me in a strange way. One line struck a chord. I listened to the song again. I really paid attention to the lyrics. The whole song really start to resonate with me. 

I must have listened to this song a dozen times. Each time a different line came along and hit me. It made me analyze it all in a new light and it made me forget about all of the “You’re a fraud! You don’t belong here! You’re not good enough!” nonsense I was feeling.

So what was this song? And what lines in it caused such a strange revelation? It was Perfect Machine by a band called Starset. If you know them, then you know they can put out some great stuff. If you don’t… go check them out if you like good rock. But the part that really got me, and still does, honestly is this:

I'm just a liar
Without deceiving
I'm just a broken clown
Make believing
I should've let you know
You should've ran for cover
I'm just a parlor trick
A two-bit counterfeit

And when I start to feel those negative things creeping into my brain, I just go listen to this song. And it helps. I don’t understand how or why. That requires a level of smart that I’m just… not. 

Has anyone else had a similar experience? Or what songs really “fix” you when your brain wants to be problematic? Music is a great tool for coping with mental and emotional trauma and issues, at least for me. So I’m curious if you are the same, my dear sweet reader. So tell me, are you?

*Clears throat and does best Eminem impression* Hi, kids! Do you like violence?

That may be the weirdest, yet most fitting, intro to a post I’ve had. Neat.

Good morning, my dear loyal reader! This post is going to touch on a topic that may be sensitive to some people, so please proceed with caution. I’ll have a proper trigger warning in just a moment, but before I do, I just want to say if you don’t finish the blog, due to the nature of the topic involved, I completely understand and I still love ya! My next post should be back to its regular goofy format.

***TRIGGER WARNING! The following post is going to touch on CNC, or consensual non-consent. Please proceed with caution!***

Disclaimer: I would never touch a person without their consent, and completely despise those who subject others to any form of abuse. 

With that all out of the way, let’s begin, shall we? CNC, or consensual non-consent, for those unfamiliar with it, is a bit of a darker and arguably more taboo style kink where a person, or group of people, agree to a consensual scene where one or more participants roleplays a lack of consent in an often rough or violent sexual encounter. I dislike the big R word, but that’s kind of what it is meant to emulate. And of course there are different varieties of this kink, and I can’t spend all day working on definitions, so we will go off of that general concept.

I can completely understand how this kink is not for everyone. It is a little fucked up. It’s a little twisted. And if anyone reading this has ever had their consent stripped away, I can’t even begin to explain how sorry I am that it happened and I wish you nothing but peace and love in this life and the next. 

The general focus of this post is not to go into details and explain how to do it, or try to convince people it’s right or wrong. My focus is going to be a couple questions that I can’t seem to understand.

As for me, I enjoy this kink. Or at least the idea of it through written mediums such as text. I’ve never been in a situation where I got to experience it in person, and my opinions on it could change drastically. It could be too… real, I guess. So that’s worth keeping in mind too, I suppose.

The first quandary I have comes from previous experience with the kink. I had a friend and play partner who was into this and kind of opened my eyes to it. She loved it. It was the focal point for a lot of roleplay and stuff and it went generally well once I got more experience with it and overcame some of my concerns. 

You see, this friend is one of the coolest people I’ve ever had the chance to know. But she’s also one of the women who have had their consent stolen from them. On multiple occasions. So I tiptoed around to avoid causing major problems or flashbacks or anything like that. And I never did, but I’d be a liar if I said it wasn’t a concern.

But the interesting part of it, is that given her history of abuse, how into this kink she was. I can’t wrap my head around it. To turn one of the scariest, most horrific things to ever happen to you into one of your favorite kinks? It boggles the mind. I don’t know where it sits on the spectrum of healthy to batshit crazy, but it’s on there somewhere.

Has anyone else come across this? Or possibly have a good reason for it? Because I honestly don’t understand it. But I’m also not a smart man, if you ask most of my exes. 

the next topic on CNC that I’m curious about, is how does it work on a mental level? Ideally, you’ve agreed to take part in the scene, you know generally what to expect. Once it begins, you KNOW you’re safe (assuming you’re with a trusted partner) and they know you gave consent.

So how does that work? One of the biggest draws of CNC, in my opinion at least, is playing with fear and the highs and lows from the adrenaline. But that wouldn’t last long, right? Doesn’t it break down into just really rough sex at that point?

And that’s not even counting the fact that it can mess up the flow of things when you check in with your partner. Some people are better at staying in the moment than others, so that could also break the immersion. And I feel like communication is huge with this. But most of it would likely take place before though. 

Of course this is for an in-person scenario. With a text based session, it’s easier to suspend reality a bit more and let your mind go. And maybe that’s my disconnect with it. I can see the flaws and the weaknesses of the scenario because I’m analyzing it from a position of not being actively in that moment. Once it’s real, things may change. 

Or maybe there is no rational way to view it. I’m a nice guy. Some would even say I’m a good guy. So trying to wrap my head around something that stems from an act of pure evil may just not be possible for me, and that’s ok. I don’t need all the answers. But I still ask the questions.

I still love the CNC kink, even though aspects of it confuse me. I will enjoy the opportunity to engage in it when it’s available. And while text is the only medium where I have actual experience with it, I do look forward to the idea of trying it out in person one day. Sure, I’d never so much as pat someone on the back without their consent, but if you give me the green light, shits gonna be interesting.

To close this post, I want to take a moment and again speak to anyone who has ever been abused and had their consent stolen from them. Wether you’ve been a long time reader of my blogs or if this is your first time seeing one, wether you stumble across this the day it’s posted or weeks, months down the line, know that I love you. And I hope you’re doing ok. There’s no way to take back what you went through, but just know you don’t have to go through it alone. There are all kinds of support systems in place. And even my goofy ass is available to talk if you need it. 

Good morning, dear reader! How are you on this fine Monday? I know, I know. Mondays suck. But they say Monday only really sucks because you go into with a negative mindset. So instead, have a kickass Monday, and let Tuesday suck! It’ll give you something to look forward to!

I swear I’m not drunk. Just tired. Always tired. I no longer GET tired. I just AM. It’s a state of being at this point. Kind of like being thirsty. Not that kind of thirsty! Well, not for this example at least. But like, I always need something to drink. But I just can’t drink water. The lack of taste bothers me. And if you tell me that water has a flavor, dear reader, you’re either drinking shitty water that’s full of… something likely unpleasant, or you’re lying to yourself to cover up the lack of flavor. Big Water has been lying to us for years! 

Weird Monday morning water based conspiracy theories. Neat!

Last night as I was lying down to go to sleep, my dog stepped on my throat. So I guess I’m into being choked now. Self discovery is always a good thing, right?

Hello, dear reader! Long time no… type? Read? Whatever. It’s been a while! How have you been? Did you miss me? I’ve missed you! 

Yes I did!

Shut up. You don’t know!

Anyway, that was weird. Neat!

How about that title? It’s a mouthful, right? And speaking of mouthfuls, who else is ready for fall to roll around? I know I am. Bonfires, s’mores, hoodies, cool weather, spooky shit… love it!

Spooky season really does make me happy. Sure, it allows the sexy as fuck goth people to be in their element, but it’s more than that. Horror movies, creepy decorations, candy corn… Scary!

Also, I do not like corn. I’d rather eat, I dunno, something gross? Peeps maybe? Tacos. Tacos are the answer.

But speaking of the more goth side of things, I’ve come to realize just how sexy some of their outfits are. I have no idea how I didn’t really notice it before. Maybe I did and it just didn’t click, but there is something delightfully delicious about the straps and buckles.

Obviously those are a common thing in this world, but the beauty and sexiness of it possibly in the vanilla world as well is just… *chefs kiss*

Anywho, I hope you’re all doing alright and sorry I’ve been MIA for a while. I’ve been around, just creepin and lurkin in the background. But I’m here! And I’m already ready for spooky shit already!

Good evening, my dear reader! I know it’s been a while since I’ve said too much, and I apologize. Life has been hard. Harder than one could imagine. But I’m on the light side of that dark tunnel now, so all is good now. But this isn’t a post about that! This is just a quick post about an interesting exchange I had this afternoon with a friend of mine whom I thought was on the vanilla side. I may have been wrong.

Me: Look, I know you had a rough week at work. Don’t make me kidnap you and take you for a drink!

Friend: I’m not scared of you. And even if I were, I can run faster scared than you can mad.

Me: Alright. Kidnapping it is. Get in my windowless van, little girl!

Friend: (without any hesitation) yes, Daddy!

Me: …

Friend: …

Me: Good girl.

Friend: Fucking hell…

We are a purely plutonic friendship, and we never discussed sex or any of that stuff, so I guess I just assumed she was vanilla because she is just so sweet and innocent. We both laughed for about 5 minutes after that though. Worth it!

Good afternoon, my dear reader! Happy Thursday and may your Friday be the best thing to happen to you this week!

As I sit here writing this, I have to admit to a little frustration. I’m not really sure where to direct said frustration, so I’m just going to vent a bit. Hooray!

So, as I’ve mentioned previously, I’m looking at getting back into the lifestyle. I miss it. There’s a lot of amazing things this life can teach a person. But with the world being such a mess over the last couple years, I’m hesitant to meet people in person or go to large gatherings, as many people are. So that leaves me with searching for more of an online dynamic. 

Obviously this has pros and cons. Pros? You can meet people from literally anywhere in the world, which is something you can’t really do in person. Cons? It’s so easy to get taken advantage of, catfished, or just straight up scammed. That’s not even to mention the typical things that come with distance, like longing to have that physical aspect.

But it’s that first set of cons i mentioned that I want to really look at. Why are men such easy targets to get scammed or taken advantage of? What causes us to be so susceptible to this, especially in this lifestyle?

Now, I fully understand that women generally have it worse here, and I don’t want to trivialize all the bullshit all of you amazing ladies go through on a daily basis. I’m just trying to examine this from my own experiences, not trying to compare who has it worse. Women do. Hands down. End of discussion.

In my experience, men far outnumber women in this lifestyle. Or at the very least, the male voice is easily the more vocal overall. As a male sub, it is hard to find a Domme, because we outnumber them 1,000 to 1, and any time one says anything, I’m sure she’s bombarded by messages. Hell, as a straight male switch, even I get messages from guys on a regular basis asking me to be their Dom, not to imagine the occasional dick pics. Fuck guys, be better! Stop that!

Also, ladies, if a guy sends you a dick pic, go find a better looking dick, one with personality, online and send it back to him. The responses are usually pretty amusing.

I got sidetracked. Damn. On here, the community and the admins are good about keeping the scammers away and keeping people safe. And I love that about this site. But when you leave this site trying to broaden your horizons, you run into a world of chaos in all the wrong ways. 

Fake accounts, bots, scammers, and all sorts of horrible shit waits for anyone who tries to test the waters. There are so few places one can go to meet people safely. And that’s tragic. But not quite the point of my rant. I think.

The BDSM world is full of wonderful people, but finding them is a crapshoot at best. But I’m the vanilla world, it’s a bit different. You can go to any dating app, make a solid profile, but a little effort into it, and you can meet people easily enough. It may or may not work out or ever lead to anything, but it happens. The fake accounts, scammers, and all the stupid stuff is either not there or easier to spot. Why is that?

On any dating site, the initial message from a fake account is easy to see. “Hey baby. You’re cute. Here’s my number. Text me!” That’s an easy red flag, and when you factor in all the typos and things, it’s always so damn obvious. But on any BDSM based site, the fake accounts actually message you with a basic message and carry on a conversation before it becomes clear that they are fake. Why are they putting in that much effort in this lifestyle? Why don’t they put in that work in the regular dating world? More fish in that barrel, so they would possibly have better luck.

Not that I want to see what little integrity dating sites have get ruined, but still! What makes them put in the effort for us here instead? Is there a general weakness that I can’t see? A desperation that makes it easier? I know a lot of desperate people in the vanilla world as well. So I don’t know that that’s the case.

I truly don’t get it. And it frustrates me because I’m just trying to live my life, but people want to try to take advantage of me. It’s a waste of time. I have met some amazing people on here, but I’d say for every 1 person I’ve talked to, I’ve had 10 fake people message me.

Just to clarify, I’m not upset because I got scammed. I would t make a blog about it if I had. I’m usually very quick to catch on and generally fuck with them for fun. They waste my time, I waste theirs. Pissing off a scammer is possibly the best feeling ever. That makes me wonder if I’m having sex wrong… hmm…

I don’t know where I lost the point in all of that. I feel like I did somewhere. Hell, it may even read as someone frustrated by the fact that I’m not having luck. Nah. I’m worth the wait. So that’s not it. 

Anyway, I’m done ranting and being incoherent in my rambling. I hope you have a sweet day, reader. I’m off to go fuck with another scammer. I’ve had him on my hook for about an hour. He wants Amazon gift cards. Alas, I can’t get to a store for those and my debit card is expired… but if you give me your bank account number, I can wire you money! 

Wish me luck!

Good evening, my dear reader! How are you doing tonight? I’m cold. My heat isn’t great where I live, so sometimes it gets a little too chilly for me really enjoy. Oh well. I got dogs to keep my warm. And blankets. And hot cocoa. I’ll manage!

Tonight has been a very boring night for a Monday. A lot of just relaxing and geeky tv. Gotta love it! I know I do! But my mind has been wandering a good bit, as it does on those boring kind of nights. Where has my mind been going to? Interesting question!

It’s been a long day. I have been busting g my ass at work, and after seemingly endless meetings that should have just been emails, I finally get to leave. On my way out of the building, I send you a text. “I’m on my way. Set out the slutty black panties that you know I love and a white t-shirt.” Your response is a simple and eager “Yes, Sir!”

It takes me about 30 minutes to make it home. During the drive, I rock out to some good music and let my mind wander to the ways that I want to use you tonight. When I pull into the drive way, I get out of the car and walk towards the door. I unlock it, open it, and see you sitting there, in your customary spot in front of the couch. Your naked body instantly making my day better.

You see my eyes linger on your exposed skin and a small innocent smile plays across your lips. As I turn to lock the door, you perk up a little bit, bringing your arms up to puff up your gorgeous breasts. I turn back around, licking my lips softly.

”Long day?” you ask as I approach you.

I nod slowly as I cross the room, “You have no idea. But it’s over. And that’s all I care about.”

As I get within just a couple feet from you, you reach up and start undoing my pants while you smile up at me from your kneeling position in front of the couch. I reach down and softly stroke your cheek as my pants and boxers hit the floor. Your eyes linger on my exposed member and you lick your lips hungrily.

As you lean forward, eager to take me in your mouth, I pull back and say, “No. Not yet. I need a shower. And you’re going to join me. I want to make sure you’re nice and clean so I can get you nice and filthy.”

With a word, excitement flashes across your face and you take my hand as I help you to your feet. I lead you to the stairs and gesture for you to go first. You go first and you sway your hips and naked ass in front of my face as you walk up the stairs towards the bathroom. You hear me chuckle softly behind you and then feel my hand slap your right ass cheek solidly. It wasn’t overly painful, but the echo of the impact follows us up the stairs.

When we reach the bathroom, I tell you to get the water started. As you do, I pull off my shirt and grab a couple soft clean towels and put them next to the shower. When the water is the perfect temperature, you step into the shower and turn to wait for me, letting the water hit your shoulders.

I step into the shower with you, closing the glass door behind me. I push you back under the water as the water soaks your hair and starts to run down your body. I start to run my fingers through your hair and massage your scalp. You moan softly and your arms drop limply by your side.

”Shampoo,” I say while I continue to rub your scalp. You reach over and grab the bottle and pull it up, squeezing a glob of the fragrant liquid onto your head. With soft and gentle hands, I slowly start to wash your hair, smiling as you moan softly while I do.

When your hair is as clean as I like, I lean down, kissing you softly as I rinse your hair. When all the shampoo is gone, I smile at you and say, “Soap.”

Like before, you get the bottle pop the top on it. You step forward a bit so the water hits you in the back, and then you squeeze out some of the soap onto your tits before shaking them playfully at me. I reach up and start to rub the soap across your soft tits and make sure I tease and flick your nipples a little with my soap slicked fingers. The soft moan and hardened buds of your nipples get a nice reaction from me. You know because you can feel it pressed against your leg.

I lean in close and whisper in your ear, “Arms up and legs spread.” You quickly obey and respond, “As you wish, Sir.”

I spend a few minutes doing a very good job cleaning you, making sure every inch of your body is given the attention it deserves. When I’m satisfied that you’re clean enough, I take the shower head down and start to rinse you off.

Once you’re rinsed off, I slowly start to lift the shower head, letting the water work it’s way up your inner thigh, teasing you, going ever so slowly. After what feels like an eternity for you, you feel the water start to hit home between your legs. 

It doesn’t take long for the shower head to cause you to moan and start to shiver with pleasure. Your eyes close, your head hanging down, your legs start to shake as you feel my tongue lightly caress your left nipple. As soon as you feel my mouth on your skin, you melt. Your hands grip my shoulders, nails biting deeply into the skin as you feel yourself reaching the precipice of an orgasm.

I release your nipple and look at you. “Look at me,” I say. You open your eyes and lift your head, pleasure still coursing through you as the water continues to pound against your clit and pussy. It takes you a moment to focus on my face, but you get there. 

“I want you to kneel and set the shower head down between your legs. Now that you’re clean, I’m going to make you filthy.” You nod with another moan, louder this time. You take the shower head and position it between your legs as you kneel before me.

I softly stroke my cock ad I look down at you, stepping towards you. “Open wide. I’m going to fuck that pretty little mouth of yours. But, you can’t cum until I do. Understand?”

With another loud moan, I can see that you’re going to struggle with this. But you look up at me, determined. “Yes, Sir.” you say as you open your mouth. I grab a handful of your hair and slide my cock into your mouth.

”Good girl.”

Thats where we will stop on this particular story. But this has been where my mind has been all afternoon. Maybe because it’s cold and a hot shower sounds good. Maybe because I want to fuck your mouth. Maybe because I just want to wash your hair. We may never know!

Good evening, my dear reader! How are you today? I’m tired! I need a nap! Maybe a back rub. Definitely some good sex. Possibly a cookie (chocolate chip, please!).

Today at work, I had a fun idea come to me. I work in customer service, so I talk to people most of the day. It sucks. But it pays the bills. Due to the Covid issue, I’m able to work from home. So that’s amazing. It means I can pet my dogs any time I want. And you can’t hate that. But earlier, something a little dirtier crossed me mind and it led to a delightful little daydream.

In this new daydream, I’m picturing a lovely and eager girl hiding below my desk, my pants around my ankles. The goal is pretty simple. She had to see if she can make it obvious to the people I’m on the phone with that something very adult oriented is going on. She can use her hands, mouth, toys, whatever she wants. Make me moan on the phone. I love this challenge!

And once the game is over, win or lose, we trade places. I have to make you moan loud enough for it to be heard while still doing my job. That may be harder as I do a lot of typing for work, but that’s part of the fun! 

And after I get off (from work), I grab you, bend you over the desk, and see if we can make the neighbors blush! 

Sometimes, work can be fun! And I have plenty of room under the desk. Who’s interested in a little game?

Hump day indeed!

Be good out there, dear reader! And if you can’t be good, at least be good at it!

Hey there, dear reader! Welcome back! It’s Saturday, so unless you’re one of the poor souls who have to work, that should mean it’s a great day! Right? Damn straight!

My Saturday has been pretty low key. I did a little shopping, I did a little painting, and I have enjoyed the NFL playoffs. Congrats to the Bengals for finally winning a playoff game! That was one hell of a game!

But as I sit here watching the Patriots getting their asses destroyed (Yay!), I have to wonder what everyone else is up to. How many of you will be reading this after a night of some kinky fun? Who of you will be able to look down and see the red welts from paddles, the indentions of your partners teeth? Lucky fuckers. I’m not jealous! You’re jealous!

My mind has been all over the place today though. Currently, it’s in a bit more of a primal place. I have a desire to be out in the dark, maybe some woods stalking, chasing, hunting my prey. The feel of the cold air on my sweat damp skin, the rhythmic breathing as I pursue. 

Of course, the chase is only part of the fun. Once I have you, you’re at my mercy. Hopefully you aren’t wearing anything you would hate to see get destroyed, as I can assure you that I will tear your clothes off and devour you. It’s cold outside, but neither of us can feel it. All we can feel is each other’s hot skin, the sharp teeth, and the pleasure as we devour each other…

Anyway… back to football! Hope your Saturday is full of some fun! And maybe a little chase too, dear reader!

Hello there, dear reader! How are you doing this fine day? I’m doing well. On day 2 of a 5 day weekend, so I’m all kinds of happy!

Today, I have decided to try and get back into the life, as it were. I’ve spent most of the last year as a simple vanilla dude, but I think it’s time to get back into it. Wish me luck!

Anywho, my last post was pretty fun to write, and even more fun to dream about. That entire scenario has been on my mind a lot, and it really has me thinking. There are a different scenarios that follow a similar train of thought, and I realized I have a brand new kink.

I what is that, you may ask? As it turns out, I’m a bit of a voyeur. The idea of watching a girl pleasure herself is just so enticing and sexy to me. I would never invade a woman’s privacy without consent, obviously. But watching her… yum!

I guess I shouldn’t be too surprised by this revelation. But I have no idea why it took me so long to realize it. My favorite type of porn is female masturbation. I always assumed it was due to regular porn having terrible writing and acting, which makes it weirdly distracting. Maybe that’s not the reason at all!

So, I sit here on my couch, dogs snoozing by my lap, wondering where all of this will lead. Let’s hop back on this train and see where we get off, obviously cheesy sexual pun intended. Woo!