Today’s post is going to be more serious than most of my normal ones. So if you’re looking for a laugh, I can’t promise I can deliver that this time. However this is an important topic that people need to remember. So keep reading!
As the title to this blog suggests, words are dangerous. Of course, we all know that already, right? So many people belong to groups that are constantly being hit with harmful words. The black community, the Mexican community, hell almost anyone from a different country, the gay community, the mentally or physically challenged... the list goes on and on. And I can almost guarantee that you can think of at least one negative word for each of the groups I listed above.
But that isn’t the point to this post. This one is tied to the words we speak to others that maybe we don’t realize are as dangerous as they are. Has anyone ever said something to you that they didn’t mean to come off so harsh, but it shook you to the core? Did someone ever say something seemingly minor that you still agonize over years later?
Someone did that to me. And it haunts me to this day. Especially now, because of the recent romantic advancements I have made.
To set the scene, this was back in 2009 or so. When I was a bit younger, I used to spend a lot of time in the chat rooms that Yahoo hosted. There was a summer there that was mostly good. I met a girl and we hit it off quite a bit. Things progressed and we decided we wanted to see where it could lead. Things were amazing. At first. We talked all day, we had very intimate moments, and things were as sexual as you would have expected coming from 2009 online relationships.
Things were great. Until they weren’t. We started to argue and fight a lot. There were a lot of issues and neither of us wanted to address them, but it drove a wedge between us. One night, during a particularly rough fight, she said the nine words that I will never get over.
“You were more fun to chase than to catch.”
That fucked me up. It started to bounce around in my mind like some twisted mantra reinforcing all of my fears and insecurities.
I’m fun to chase. I’m good for a quick fuck and a laugh, but that’s it. Once the fun is had, I’m not worth the time, so it’s best to release me and move on.
For someone like me who has battled abandonment issues their entire life, suffers a lack of confidence that boarders on the absurd, and chronically terrified that I’m not good enough, those 9 words cut deeper than any of my blades did when I was younger.
While most of my issues are generally kept in check, that bitch planted something in me that springs forth and threatens to corrupt any new relationship that I enter. And she has no idea. That piece of shit said something so profoundly hurtful that it ruins me sometimes.
I will lay awake at night, staring at the ceiling wondering if she was right. Once those words whisper in my brain, I begin to dwell on them, letting them live rent free in my every waking thought. Sometimes, I’m able to pull myself out of it. Sometimes I’m not.
It has actually ruined relationships for me. Because it can make me clingy and needy and I begin to crave constant validation that my girl is happy. Not all women appreciate that type of guy. It is understandably a turn off for so many women. So it causes me to be a self-fulfilling prophecy. I ruin what was so wonderful, so happy. The chase was great. But what you caught? That was not worth the effort.
I want to make this clear. I am not feeling these feelings currently. I have kept this under control in my current relationship. And it will not be a problem. I’m not writing this to seek validation or anything like that. I am in a great mood. I’m smiling, I’m happy, I’m exactly where I want to be. That bitch won’t ruin me again.
I write this so that others can see the impact of a simple offhanded remark. I know that girl hasn’t thought about me in years. But she lives in my thoughts, some unwelcome ghost of a girl from my youth.
The adage of “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all” really has merit. But even things that seem like a small verbal slap can leave a lasting bruise on the soul.
I know I’m not the only one to be so wounded by a simple remark made out of anger or spite. So I want to task you with writing those words down. Get them out of your mind. Release yourself from the torment they have caused you.
Lastly, I beg you all, please be more careful with what you say. The things you say, even if just a small line made in an offhanded nature can really hurt. Put more thought and care into what you say and how you say it. Especially in this world, where so many of our interactions are text based. No one can read the tone in a text. The small smile playing at the corner of your lips as you make a joke can’t be seen, so that joke may come off in the wrong way. Be careful with what you say and how you say it. No one deserves to go through what I have lived with for so many years.
Thank you for taking the time read this. Especially after I warned you that it wouldn’t be a funny post. You, my dear reader, are the best.
Stay safe, stay sane, stay smiling!
