Fighting struggling nothing falling into place
One thing clicks others fall off.
I become lost in the anger the frustration
I stomp down the hall and stand in my adult kitchen
and see your face
The glow behind you soft ever warm
The look of knowing your perfectionist daughter
cant get it right
You ask me what's wrong and I tell you I just cant
You tell me I can and smile a soft touch to my cheek
to wipe the tears away
I wake knowing you were here.
I can feel it
I have not dreamt of you since you left me many
years ago.
Then it was a dream that was memory, a daughter
saying goodbye
A mother giving one last praise before they parted.
I see you in everything I do little hints that you are
with me.
I've never had you come back to me in my dreams
Until today.
The pain and sorrow rises to the top
Overwhelming me drowning me
Guilt for not making it in time
All back to the moment 18 years ago.
I sit here tears streaming down my face
As I write I realize I almost missed the gift
All you were doing was granting me one more time
To feel the warmth the strength and love even with
one simple touch
Sometime we miss the beauty in our dreams today was almost one of those moments for me. I may be an emotional wreck right now because it was so real but I remember her touch and laughter today something I was forgetting. We may let them slip away and learn to live without them being the best version of us but it's never easy being a child without a parent at any age.
Love with all you have and show those around you what they mean to you. Now I'm off to catch my breath again...
