Who I am or Who am I?

TigerBDSM​(dom male){looking} - Why not try this...(sadly my BDSM blog that had 20 thousand followers is gone, due to tumbler's new TOS, it had LOTS of advice), ASK QUESTIONS THAT REQUIRE VERIFICATION OF ANY EXPERIENCE.
ANY DOM with actual experience is GLAD to share, brag, offer, his past (discussed more in my profile on cage).
Experience IS NOT jacking off to bdsm pics for 20 years. Experience REQUIRES someone other than the so called "dom" to exhibit his "domlyness"
BUT, BUT, BUT, many subs are only looking for a diversion in life, THEN the keyboard dom, instadom, poser, loser, idiot, bozo MIGHT be enough. The abuser is quickly identified and dismissed upon one or two meetings.
UNFORTUNATELY, IF the girl evolves and or seeks higher levels of the life (where kinky sex ends and ACTUALLY being dominated in mind, soul and body is REQUIRED), then ACTUALLY HAVE EXPERIENCE is necessary. Nothing wrong with being a new dom and having an adventure of growth together. However most lie about abilities AND with no frame of reference and or A VERY OPEN AND SINCERE heart, you become VERY SUSCEPTIBLE to ANYONE saying what you want to hear.
JUST ASK QUESTIONS AND GET REFERENCES. Experience offers a past, LIES only offer lies as proof.
My words come from someone who has owned live in slaves (NOT just a kinky girlfriend) most of my life. I've watched the lifestyle online since 1999, seen the explosion of people becoming cognizant of the lifestyle, then the pollution of the bozo taking advantage of nice people ( BTW, your PhD in non conventional relationships, your abilities to rotate the earth and your common sense/life lessons are NO MATCH to the perfect liar dom. He is practiced and skilled in lies.
In closing, if you seek the common bedroom bdsm, then most will float your boat. If you seek a higher level, then the handler MUST have skills. Because of having skills, he WILL have references.
Soooo ASK QUESTIONS, REQUIRE REFERENCES and pics.
OR, expect an ENDLESS CYCLE of being duped by WONDERFUL liars.
Success IS EASY if you know how to solve an issue. It is OFTEN failure if you attempt to solve something without the proper knowledge necessary to obtain what you seek.
On a separate note....NEVER let the bdsm lifestyle be the only reason to are with someone. That glue in insufficient to keep a lasting relationship. BUT can offer decades of weekend fun, yet no life.
Be well felow bdsm participants.
Tiger...off soapbox now..
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SweetBrattyLittle​(sub female) - Again thank you. I have learned the hard way about skillful liars. Ignoring intuition and forgiving was the worse thing I could have done.

JustGreenie{Lona Alofa} - I would so many question, he has to be willing to take time to get to know them, ask for references and ask about his experience in the lifestyle. Is he part of the local community? If he is who he says he is, he will be more than willing to offer such request. If you’re not careful you will end up with a complete online only, married with his only experience is

A. Online only
B. Video games
C. 50 shades wanna be.

I wish the best for you!

Hugs

Greenie

CSI - You slow right down when getting to know someone, you ask a ton of questions, you trust yourself, your gut and your intuition more than you trust someone who barely knows who you are, and you make sure their words align with their actions. If they don't, do no be afraid to call it

Bunnie - Apart from the obvious ones, I believe it can be difficult to tell if someone is genuine, because many believe that they are. There are many, many people who sincerely want to *be* the title they have given themselves (both Dominants and submissives). Most, however, fall short of matching words with a follow through into actions. I’m with CSI on this one. Learn from your mistakes, trust your intuition… if it feels wrong for you, it is. It’s that simple… regardless of whether they’re “fake” or not. Ask questions that are important to you… and *listen* to the answers. People have a tendency to tell us who they are… it’s just that more often than not, we choose to gloss over bits because we want to romanticise it. When you have doubts, communicate them. No communication should be off limits. The right person will welcome transparency because they will want to know what makes you tick.
It’s just learning. You will come to form your own way of determining how you consider someone to be genuine or not. Asking the community is definitely a great way to get good feedback and advice, so nice job on that. Good luck moving forward, I hope you find what you’re seeking :)

SweetBrattyLittle​(sub female) - It's funny. My aunt literally told me the same thing years ago. I always thought I listened to her. I have quoted her so many times. Everything you have said I have quoted to someone. Sickens me that I was so stupid.

Bunnie - Not stupid. You just wanted to trust. I think you’ll find that most of us have spoken here from experience… which means we’ve been in your place at some point. Try not to beat yourself up… we’re all in the same boat when it comes to learning.

SweetBrattyLittle​(sub female) - Thank you🙂

Something Different​(dom male) - You need to use the same level of intrigue you would getting to know any guy really. People act like Dom’s are a different species. We are men first and Dominant second. When you start talking to a guy who you have chemistry with does he ask you to be his lady in less than 15 conversations. No that doesn’t work. Think about if I guy comes off to clingy and talks about marriage or children with you immediately. Red Flag!!!!! Is it normal for him to make demands of you before he even knows anything real about you. Remember this is an investment on both sides.

The only difference is you have a mutual understanding of the lifestyle. He understands that you are a submissive and he is a Dominant. You both have an understanding of the basics of D/s dynamic with out being in a committed relationship. If the conversation is more about you sexually that’s a red flag. If he spends more time using terminology about the lifestyle red flag. If he is not teaching you about who he is and what drives him as a man first it’s a red flag. Remember there is a clear difference between BDSM and D/s. BDSM is the art of the lifestyle the toys, restraints and scenes. The D/s is the teaching and growth of the dynamic you two choose to build.

The title of Dom carries a lot of weight and responsibility and if it’s only focused on the sexual side it will fail. I am not against women who want a sexual only dynamic but what type of sexual dynamic can you build if he only knows what you enjoy putting inside yourself?

You have to take your time and fight the Sub frenzy need or become overwhelmed with the attention. You will do just fine as long as you remember what you’re looking for it. Think about what it takes for you to feel comfortable with anyone. It happens through time and patience.

I hope this helps. Just a little piece to add to your tool box. There are truly some extremely knowledgeable men and women on this site. We are all here to help when and where we can.