Today is being a day. Guy I was involved with gave me cruel reality of my personality. I was told that I was weak. The thought of that has wrapped itself around my being the entirety of my day. I began questioning me, my thoughts, my actions, my reality... Until I was at work.
I was exhausted when I got to work. I didn't want to deal with anyone. As a matter of fact, I turned my head when everything started, hoping it would stop on its own. My heart was beyond heavy from being torn into.
A child that I don't even work with began screaming uncontrollably. Actually 3 did. The person over them couldn't handle any of it. One was forced to be outside for their own safety measures and started screaming because they were highly sensitive to sunlight. I wrapped that child up in my shadow to protect him from the sun while covering another's ears because he couldn't handle loud noises. Another I held for 20 minutes to calm him. Keep in mind I have other clients and had to take time from them to help the others. I had to handle 2 adults jobs and gain the trust of kids in a matter of minutes.
That's where my strength lies.
Up until this point, I was placing my self worth in the hands of another. He sometimes knew my personality more than I did. Today I realized that, while I love this Dom fiercely, he was wrong.
Only I determine my self worth, whether I am strong or weak, and if I'm good enough.
But for once, I wish I could really feel what it is like to be treated like a sub/ little...what it feels like to actually be dominated.
This blog is dedicated to my journey into the lifestyle. I am realizing today that just because I don't fit some Doms' expectations, doesn't mean I'm not good enough.
In Search of Truth
