Poems and more from the Heart, Soul, Mind and Spirit

I sacrificed my time

I sacrificed my heart and soul

I sacrificed my dignity and self worth

My freedom

My hopes

My dreams

AND FOR WHAT?!?

To be told I'm a failure

To be treated like the most hated person in the world

To be put down and let down

Talked about

Lied to, lied about, spied on

By those you thought loved you

Brainwashed by a psychopath

Who gets pleasure hurting others

Spreading lies, playing sides

Not one ounce of compassion, consideration, love, respect

Always finding fault in others not themselves

Constantly taking the more than they deserve

Always blaming others for your choices

You see the pattern

You see the truth

Don't you see that no matter what,

I'll never be good enough

Wanting more when there is nothing left to give

The well is dry

My soul is empty

My heart stopped caring

So go ahead, continue your bullshit

Continue to live your miserable, lonely life

Continue thinking that no one will see the truth

How many people you no longer look in their eyes

You have done them wrong on a level that no person was able to achieve

You have lost so much

Too confident in what you think you had

Open your eyes!!!!!

YOU HAVE NOTHING!!!!!! ONLY THE DISEASE YOU CARRY!!!!!!

They will never know the pain you have caused with your lies and deceit

They will  never know how you manipulate young minds to get what you want

They will never know the double life you live

How you destroyed those who love you

You get what you what you desire by any means necessary 

They will never know how you think you're God's gift to women

Feeling entitled to lay with every woman that comes your way

They will never know

The disrespect you have shown others when you don't get what you want

They will never know about the young girl you bedded

All the secrets we both hold

You will never know what karma has in store for you

Justice for those you have wronged

They will never know how you laughed at other's misfortunes and downfalls

They will never known the disease you carry

Playing Russian roulette with the lives of others

You will never know how strong I am

That I don't need you in my life

You will never know how it feels to be put down and let down

They will never know about how much of a womanizer you are

How you treat women like prostitutes

That you feel women should give themselves to you 

No matter what

You will never know how intelligent and independent i am

That I've been faithful, truthful

They will never know how you want sex in return to take care of your family

They will never know that you have no conscience,  heart or soul

You will never understand how I let you go

How free I feel

How I deserve better

They will never know the rotten human being you are

How you feel you should be adored, respected and loved by others 

It's sad to say, they will never know

You will never understand

I enjoy this vr game, i used play on a daily basis. I created my avatar  and name to be appealing to others. In a way it boosts my self esteem, sadly this is what it has come to a fn game smh.   I see now, that i need to play on a daily basis to keep from feeling fear of being  rejected. I know, I know it's just a game but i have connected with a few people and to see all the messages left for me, asking me if I'm ok ( after calling me mistress lol)

Sometimes i rather stay there than come back to reality, my reality sucks. I try to make the best of it by healing in the areas that need it the most. All in all if i could play it all day just to escape from the negative emotions that i try not to acknowledge because it's too painful, I would.

Off to to play AL then  off to bed.

Have a good night everyone, enjoy your weekend

Snow covered mountain tops

Fields of gold

Calling me, welcoming  me with open arms

Flowers whispering words of love and safety

Blue skies, bluest of blues smiling up on me

The sun giving warmth and love

Hope is not too far away

My true one and only is on their way

I hear his voice in the distance

Offering words of kindness

Healing my wounds one by one

In a room cold and dark, a light shines through the black lace curtains.  Lucifer peeks through the curtains and see the love and light emitting from the young maiden he has fell in love with the first day he welcomed her home.  " How do I tell her that I love her?" How do I tell her that the moonlight is really her'? he wondered to himself.  So many questions swirling in his mind, not knowing if she will love him the same way he loves her.

Brother, show her your true self, that's the only way to know. He turns around and sees Gabriel his standing in the doorway.  Is it possible that she will love me the same in return?  "Only you can answer that question, before disappearing into the darkness.  Ugh, Gabriel!!!!!  Lucifer retreats to his throne, looks at the empty throne next to his. I love her so much, I've seen all that she has been through, I know her better than she knows herself.  I see what she doesn't see in herself.

I'm sitting in deep thought

You put your arms around my neck

I hold your hands tightly

Not wanting to let go

You stand before me

Full of beauty

Full of love

Full of fire

I undress you

Kissing, caressing every inch of your body

Juices flowing, needing, wanting to be one with you

You straddle me

You restrain  my hands

Your tongue begins to explore every inch of my body

I want to break free to hold you

Kiss every inch of you

Have my love inside you

You let go

Allowing me to caress

Stroking my love on your body

We have a fire deep within unable to control

I thrust myself in to your awaiting  womanhood

Releasing all your animalistic inhibitions

I become the beast i was afraid to show you

A beast bringing you closer to my Heaven

We become one

The fiery passion of a forbidden love

Tears streaming down my face

Heaven showering me with tears of joy and love

Unable to give anymore of myself

At a crossroad, seeking guidance from the Lord above

To release all the torments my mind. body, and soul

Each raindrop a message

Stay strong

Stand tall

Keep fighting

YOU ARE LOVED

Feeling lost and alone, have no where to run, no where to hide. 

No one to wipe the tears that fall from my face.

The tears that my soul sheds for those who have forsaken me. 

Have left me to fight this fight alone

I have looked for you all over and you were nowhere to be found

There were times I wanted to give up, throw in the towel

God was by my side the entire time

He never left as you ran away

Allowing those with ulterior motives takes what was not theirs

I fought this fight with all my strength

You took with you all the unconditional love that i was finally able to feel

Now that love is gone and i now feel dead inside

Fighting to get that feeling back

Fighting to feel that love,unconditional love

That burning flame has been extinguished never to be lit again

I should feel hatred, that could be felt deep within

I should be angry,

I should feel the anger instilled in me

The anger you replaced my love with

You controlled what you always wanted

You took what you didnt want me to give to anyone else

Even though you will never return, I will never be the same

I will always feel empty until i can be free from what you have put upon me

Free from the hurt and pain that been inflicted on a daily basis

I've cut the cords, shut out the world

The world that you made me a part of

The world that i called family, the family you welcomed me into .

Where are you now?

I know where I'm at

Ocean blue waters

Calming

Inviting

Feeling the warmth of the sun

Feeling the coolness of the water, the loving touch of the waves

Walking hand in hand

Laughing, loving, living every moment

Being in the moment

You hold me in your arms

Kissing me gently

Whispering I love you

Always have, always will

Making the promise not to betray my trust

Take my love for granted

Will never torture the soul

That once again found love

True love

I promise to always love

Never hurt or betray

Give you love

The kind of love you have been searching endlessly for

Our hearts, our souls together once again

You took advantage of my love

You took advantage of my trust

You broke me down, I rose up from the darkness

You broke my heart, I will heal again

I will no longer lay down and believe your lies

Nothing but deceit spews from your mouth, heart and soul

One lie after another causing pain time and time again

No more comforting words

No more kindheartedness

You only offer betrayal

My broken heart and tortured soul will heal

My mind wondering what's next

I can and will survive

Someone will treasure me like you should have

For now, I'll treasure myself, love myself

Mending my heart and soul

Black roses blooming

Filling the air with their song of fragrance

Beautiful gown, sequins shimmering in the sunlight

Veil no longer hiding the smile 

Happiness made appear what depression could no longer keep hidden

Looks into the eyes of her true love

Took her broken soul and guided her to a world of ultimate happiness and love 

Promises.of keeping her safe from harm 

Will never break her

Will always love her 

Will go.to the end of the earth for her

She promises to trust him

Will never let anyone break her spirit again

Her will to.fight won't end

Her willingness to survive, love, and dream

To never doubt the sincerity, love and honor for her

Tears streaming down her face, she finally experiences her beautiful day.