Poems and more from the Heart, Soul, Mind and Spirit

This is going to be interesting ??

a friend of mine had written this post on fb this morning. She couldn't have said it any better. 

A friend from church sent me this earlier.  Yeah, we all need this constant reminder ????? 

Their music always comes to mind or my guardian angel finds a way for me to come across their music. From heartbreak to grief to rising above the same obstacles all over again.  So now, I'm going to break each one down and maybe (just maybe) I will finally get the message (lesson) that I've been trying hear (learn)

The first time I heard this song, I was dealing with my oldest daughter's father and the bs that came along with it. Alcoholic, had a stroke did everything i could to help him get better to turn around and go back to the same thing. after 5 years of on again off again. I let him go for good.  many years later, the ankh has been hitting me in the face and i felt drawn to it somehow. Not realizing that it was used in the video. If I remembered at the time, I would have realized that I needed to let go what no longer was good for me.

Wheel of Fortune  is self explanatory

self explanatory, part of the chorus, I see lies in the eyes of a stranger

I have to learn to stop apologizing for who I am, who i need to be and loving  others more that they can handle

I wrote the lyrics in a card to my mother before she passed in 1996

When intrusive thoughts about self harm come back when life became too much

The last few are practically self explanatory.

From their first to their last. I always related to the lyrics and felt the music bringing out emotions that I have kept pushed down for so long.  Now is the time I really need their music to get through this rollercoaster ride. The last one, I kept avoiding.     :*(

Best meditation ever!!!! 

Have a good day everyone ((HUGS)) ??????????

Being a switch is a beast in itself, especially when the sub part of me is more dominant.  I was given the opportunity to explore my dominant side (which i am grateful for the opportunity). I have a very hard time keeping the submissive part of me locked away.   There has been a session where the sub side of me overpowered  the dom side and that was one hell of a struggle to return to dom space.   I feel  that if I was able to balance both, it wouldn't be such a struggle mentally, psychologically, and  emotionally.  

Another session, was when i felt my sub's strong desire to have me his way, I nearly fucking caved in. I just wanted to kneel in front of him and give him all of me. I feel that  I'm the type that needs two doms, I would need to have this constant balance and need to just be able to be who i need to be.  I made a promise that I wouldn't let anyone outside of them dominate me.  A promise that is hard as hell to keep but, I am successful so far, (the mental challenges that come along with it breaks me down at times)

It's not even a sexual thing for me, never was.  I just want to give pleasure in any way possible but not like the average sub would.  Just to be there to help them wind down after a stressful day, give them an ear to listen, a shoulder to cry on.   After care for them is a must in my eyes, in the bedroom or 24/7 they need to be able to function properly after a session/play.  (sorry, Im always saying session).

I believe this i why i submit to my kids and ex the way I do.  It's the only way for now.

I have a primal side that definitely has to stay locked away.  Hunting is not good for me when I get rejected or the person makes it seem like this will be a successful connection and falls back.

One day, I will have the balance that i need to be able to live the way I'm born to live.