MLP(sub female){Not lookin}

Murmurations of Me

As much as being a sub courses through my veins, I have this other-worldly yearning to try and explain what all of this is doing to me... So I’m going to try, day by day, to put my scrambled thoughts into written words in the hope I find my own clarity...

Let’s talk about sex...

3 years ago. April 29, 2021 at 12:48 PM

This is most definitely not something I’d ordinarily share, but I can’t not...

The elephant in the room:

I can only speak for me, and I certainly don’t want to imply the same of others, but for me sex is “taboo”, as in my own sex, my own self-pleasure. Now as someone with an extremely high sex drive who “indulges” as often as she eats, that’s pretty damn tough to deal with. I’m not inexperienced, but I’ve only had a handful of partners and certainly am not promiscuous (though I’m quite envious of those that are/can be...)

My issue is this, and I would love to hear other subs’ and Doms’ opinions on it, if u feel so inclined as to indulge me:

I need orgasms, and I need them regularly (and yes, I know the word “need” shouldn’t enter my head as a sub...). But when I have one, alone and indulgent and oh so blissful, I’m immediately wracked with guilt afterwards. Why? Quite simply because of the sub in me. How dare I pleasure myself when I’m designed/created to pleasure another? I can hear you all screaming at me to just enjoy it, but that’s easier said than done with a mind like mine...

That brings me to today, Thursday, a morning of blogging and journaling down and a magical pm in my inbox (and no that’s not a euphemism for something else lol), that made me feel empowered and pretty damn horny. He probably knows who he is, and no I’m not hitting on you, but I drew my inspiration from you today... I put myself first.

I’m a weird one, I don’t like self-penetration either digitally or with toys, but today was different. So the cobwebs and the mothballs were quickly and vigorously removed and sweet golden hues washed over my body and my brain for what seemed like an eternity - and then I found peace... I left what was inside, inside, found my cuddliest pillow, and drifted off into the most blissful nap I’ve had in years with no guilt.

I dreamed the wettest dreams I’ve ever had, fantasies I didn’t know I had were unleashed and indulged, I have no idea just how many times I orgasmed or even if they were real (although the bedclothes say they were), and I awoke with my heart pounding, my body hot, wet with sweat and more besides, spasming and writhing and clinging to my poor pillow. Still, no guilt. So as I’m sitting here having my warm hug of a mug of coffee, bedclothes in the washing machine, muscles aching from an hour in bed alone, blissfully content and spent and all those warm fuzzy feelings pouring through me, I wonder: do any of you feel guilt in self-pleasure?

Note to self: maybe turn it off before you go to sleep with it still inside you next time...!

slaveMikayla(sub female){MstrJ } - Yep, all the time.... BUT... " (and yes, I know the word “need” shouldn’t enter my head as a sub...)." oh honey do we need to talk about this one. I cry loud and strong BS on this one. Whoever told you that had no idea what they were talking about. YES a submisive as needs! YES a slave has needs and YES you must, i repeat MUST know them and be willing to voice them. Yep, we get more pleasure out of serving another's needs because that does fulfill our needs.... but YOU have NEEDS. If you do not know them and can not communicate them then you can never truly give your Dominant control over them <3

I know that was a side point, but sweet lady you DO and should have needs! Bravo for fulfilling them!

3 years ago

MLP(sub female){Not lookin} - Oh I’m most certainly embracing that and have worked on my lists of needs AND wants (look at me groooowwwww!!!). It’s a buzzword for many, and I respect that, that was what was meant lol. So you feel “the guilt” too then? God I love this site lol...

3 years ago

SirsBabyDoll(sub female){Pizza+☕} - I don't feel once ounce of guilt. I am my own person outside of a dynamic. Free and clear. No one owns me till I say so, which means, by giving myself O's, I am providing self-care.

3 years ago

MLP(sub female){Not lookin} - And all I can say to that is I’m incredibly jealous, and tentatively hopeful that my own will finally disappear...

3 years ago

slaveMikayla(sub female){MstrJ } - good job acknowledging your needs then! Once upon I did, but not because I'm submissive... because it was raised into me that I shouldnt take pleasure in my own self. Hell every Dominant I've ever had has tried to control my sexuality and in some ways has added to that sense of inability to handle my own needs. Enter E. He is completely different and God for the billionth time I love this man and am so grateful for His existence in my life. He would agree with every single word SBD just said, here and below. Yes, He controls my sexuality, but in the sense that he expects me to be a fully functional and fully immersed IN my sexuality. He never seeks to deny this from me, it took a looootttttt of work on His part to help me undo a lot of the programming I've had in my life, but I think He will say it is worth it. ^_^

3 years ago

slaveMikayla(sub female){MstrJ } - I guess I'd add that most people who try to deny you your sexuality or teach you to be guilty of it do so out of their own insecurities. out of the fear that if you know how to do what they do better than them why the hell would you need them. stinkin thinkin.

3 years ago

SirsBabyDoll(sub female){Pizza+☕} - 🤣🤣🤣🤣 granted, sometimes that turns out to be the case!!!

As for E agreeing with me.....that's cause of fear. 🤣🤣 #FearTheBratSuperPowers!

3 years ago

MLP(sub female){Not lookin} - Wow, so unbelievably chuffed for you (and jealous, again...!!!). I don’t know why my mind works or has worked the way it does, but I’m getting there!!!

3 years ago

slaveMikayla(sub female){MstrJ } - If I were you, I'd use SBD's logic. Why are you learning your body? So you can be the most fully functional person for your One, when you find Him. Would you want to be with a Dom who didnt want you to have the joy and pleasure that you are willing to give him? So take care of you as he would want you to, until he shows up.

3 years ago

SirsBabyDoll(sub female){Pizza+☕} - Somewhere along the way, you were made to feel shame for pleasuring yourself. Now that you are aware of that "rip in the paper", you can keep working through it and maybe you will discover truths about yourself that you were never aware of before and can deprogram that erroneous thinking.

3 years ago

MLP(sub female){Not lookin} - I think it ultimately lies in the stigmatisation of what I’ve always been and what that means in a very non-bdsm world? I can’t remember a time I didn’t feel guilt for it, and no-one has ever said it to me or made it out to be something negative in all honesty - it was just my over-active brain putting words and thoughts where they shouldn’t be I suppose...

3 years ago

SirsBabyDoll(sub female){Pizza+☕} - While I do not agree with them, I do understand your feelings. My question to you is, "Why do you feel that you should deny your needs"?

Hang with me for a moment. If, in your mind, you belong to someone else and so your body/mind/spirit belongs to them, would they not want you to care for "their property" the way that they would want you to? Would they not want to be presented with a fully aware, fully awakened to sexual pleasures, fully attuned to how your body reacts person?

So, by exploring yourself and your sexuality, you ARE being submissive. At some point, most Doms will ask you to play with yourself for their enjoyment. In my opinion, it would be better to be skilled and comfortable touching yourself than to have to fight the awkwardness of feeling climbsy AND doing it in front of them.

Just something to think about.

3 years ago

MLP(sub female){Not lookin} - I have no problem whatsoever doing it in front of someone else, that’s just it! It’s that guilt that overpowers me when I’m alone and not doing it for someone else that I struggle with - I’m not in a dynamic, I’m not doing it for anyone else apart from myself, and therein lies (or did lie) the problem!

3 years ago

SirsBabyDoll(sub female){Pizza+☕} - Oooh! I like that...DID lie.

Welcome to the growing tree dearie. It's your body. Use it! Learn it....then you can teach Mr.Future Hot and Sexy how to use it.

3 years ago

SirsBabyDoll(sub female){Pizza+☕} - Just remember this...just because you are *A* submissive, doesn't mean you are EVERYBODIES submissive. We are not doormats and we don't have to bow down and kiss every ass with Dom in the title.

3 years ago

Maxorde{Not lookin} - Well said SBD!

3 years ago

Maxorde{Not lookin} - You should never feel guilty for ‘needing’ your pleasure nor for having it and enjoying it. Many a Dom would embrace, I think, a sub that wants and needs that pleasure. Enter the mental aspect of D/s. If he knows you need it, then so be it. He should accept and embrace your desires.

3 years ago

MLP(sub female){Not lookin} - It has been duly added to my “list”...!

3 years ago

Voldemort(dom male) - Everybody has needs. So do you. It's an intrinsic urge. So it's natural to take care of that. It's not only a physical but also a mental release. So imho go for it whenever the need arises.

3 years ago

SageFlame(sub female) - I've taken care of my multiple needs when married and single, no toys, no guilt. Now taken and in a LDR , I've been introduced to toys. My needs were part of early discussions. Not like ...and I want this and I need that. I was asked and I communucated in detail my orgasmic history. ( lol orgasmic history sounds so funny)

Submission to a Dominant doesn't erase part of you; especially not your needs.

3 years ago

Maxorde{Not lookin} - Yes!! Absolutely true!

3 years ago

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MLP​(sub female){Not lookin}

Murmurations of Me

Let’s talk about sex...

MLP(sub female){Not lookin}