MLP(sub female){Not lookin}

Murmurations of Me

As much as being a sub courses through my veins, I have this other-worldly yearning to try and explain what all of this is doing to me... So I’m going to try, day by day, to put my scrambled thoughts into written words in the hope I find my own clarity...

Lifestyle Hard Limits

3 years ago. May 24, 2021 at 4:35 PM

Ladies and gentlemen,

I’m sincerely apologising in advance of what’s about to be plastered in your brains, and please be respectful of your thoughts and opinions here.

I’m talking about me, my thoughts, my meanderings of the mind, my “me-ness”. That being said, I really would like everyone’s respectful opinions on this.

I’ve been analysing me and what’s right for me in this lifestyle. In depth thought of what others have written in blogs and forums has had an impact in my thought processes, but nothing more profound as what has come from engaging with Doms and subs alike in various correspondence. I’ve been enlightened and stunned in equal measure by some of what’s come forth. This is NOT a criticism or a judgement of anyone, let’s be clear about that. Quite simply, it’s been an eye-opener.

Now whilst I would consider myself to have quite the list of “acts” which I felt the “lifestyle” would involve, nothing (and I mean NOTHING) could have possibly prepared me for what the actual daily lifestyle involves or could involve. Again, to be clear, this is not a negative thing and shouldn’t be read as same. I blame my vanilla life for this, and I believe I spoke about my concerns in terms of the “transfer of power” in another blog.

Now, I’ve always had it in my head what I would do on a daily basis for my Dom, that romanticised notion of living the perfect life of peace and harmony wrapped up in my own little bubble of subbie bliss. How the hell did I miss the part where tasks, consents, expectations and so much more would form part of this from the Dom’s side? I’m going to miss some parts trying to explain this, so please don’t jump down my naive throat as I can already feel the collar tightening there thank you very much.

In my head, as a mum, owner of time consuming animals, worker, person involved in committees, family person, involved in friend’s lives, blah blah blah, surely my Dom would be “oh so happy” with the time I spent with Him. How the hell did I not see any of this? Where in my brain did I miss the part where I’m His? How do I reconcile the two?

Anyways, I’m not here asking for a “how to”, what I’m asking is for your input, beautiful people.

Doms: what of YOUR expectations did you find difficult to reconcile when having a “lifestyle” relationship (as opposed to just sexual).

Subs: (yes that capitalisation was very intentional as I’m utterly in awe of you all right now) what of YOUR expectations did you find difficult to reconcile when having a “lifestyle” relationship (as opposed to just sexual).

Yes, I’ve asked you both the identical same question, but I think it’s pretty damn clear that they are two VERY separate questions...

I’m really not interested in any arguing on this, really, so just keep it polite and respectful please. We all come from a myriad of different backgrounds, circumstances and responsibilities so it’s only your personal experience I’m interested in!!! It doesn’t matter how big or small of an issue it is to you, it could be huge to someone else (or so I’ve discovered) so fire in the good, the bad and the ugly please!!!

My reason for this is quite simple I’m 40, and my time is kinda precious in my eyes, as is everyone else’s I certainly don’t want to rush into anything, but I’ve come across quite a few things that I just can’t get past in terms of “me”. When a discussion on hard limits comes up, that’s relatively easy as it’s done in terms of bodily sexual limits. Surely if one is hoping to live in the lifestyle, our hard limits should extend to there? I appreciate there’s a cross-over (well I do now, I might not have before...!), so it’s something I’m looking to explore that the internet is, for once, not giving me any help with!

If you don’t want to share it on a public forum, I’m open to pms. That does NOT mean fill my inbox with your sexual expectations please - that’s actually the easy part 🤣🤣🤣.

In advance, thank you 😊

MLP

OraclePollon(sub female){NotYours} - Projection is the big one to me when it comes to finding a Dom. I have my own issues without having to have your issues thrown at me. Everyine does this in some form. Learning how to navigate this together is really hard, especially when you are "supposed" to "respect" their decision and not create friction. I put those two words in parenthesis because a lot of D's I come across thing that if you have an opinion at the wrong time, you are being disrespectful... instead of disrespected.

3 years ago

MLP(sub female){Not lookin} - Thank you for your input Oracle, it’s appreciated. Am I correct in thinking you mean in terms of communication, and so asking a question more for clarification but instead being interpreted as undermining authority?

3 years ago

OraclePollon(sub female){NotYours} - I am not sure this is communication. This is more when communication is toxic. I think lack of communication is required in these times, and a Dom having the art of listening or not judging, instead. Maybe many Doms think that it is their "duty" to make decisions, or judgements, which leads to getting insulted, then projecting.

3 years ago

MLP(sub female){Not lookin} - Ah I think I understand you now. Sorry I misinterpreted what you said. Definitely something I’d agree with.

3 years ago

ErosRising(dom male){Hekate} - For me, there has to be set boundaries and expectations. It is my job to respect those things. When you go into Lifestyle (I am talking about more than just kinky in the bedroom) there has to be discussion and consideration for your partners day to day life. If the person I am with has a job or is in school or has children, I personally am not going to interfere with those things. We all have things that we are responsible for in Day to Day living. Dynamics can work around that as long as those things are brought up before starting a dynamic. When “things” pop up, it is the responsibility of both partners to discuss and come up with a solution to those things.
Another thing to remember is that all dynamics are not cookie cutter. It really depends on what your Vision is and how you see it working. Then finding a partner with that same type of Vision. It takes time to do this and should never be rushed. If done properly in the beginning through communication and true honesty, there really is not a lot to reconcile. It comes down to the negotiation of Power Exchange and setting those boundaries. Communication and Consent.

3 years ago

MLP(sub female){Not lookin} - I couldn’t agree more. Where I’ve found the majority of “issues” arise, (some pleasant surprises btw, just want to clarify that...) is what I would see as a “normal” day and others (Doms and subs) see as a normal day are frequently VASTLY different. Working around real life has to happen, for the most part. And of course each of us has different expectations of the relationship either side of the / which require nurturing too. I’m still finding my way, and sometimes feel quite inept and “wrong” as certain thing crop up I’ve never heard of or thought about before...!!!

Thank you for your input, it’s always so great to hear the Dom side of things.

3 years ago

ErosRising(dom male){Hekate} - You are very welcome. Even though it is difficult to cover everything in the beginning, open and honest communication is a must. Even if you are “newer” to the lifestyle, or have been in it for years, it is important to ask questions. There is never such a thing as a dumb question except the one that isn’t asked.

3 years ago

MLP(sub female){Not lookin} - It’s a difficult one to discuss though, those expectations. I live in my own subbie world, not governed by rules and disciplines etc. Just as each sub is different, so too is each Dom. So exploring what your expectations and limits are in the beginning when looking at an actual “lifestyle” and a future together can be premature and, to be honest, intimidating before you actually get to know the person. It is, however, massively important! So yes, questions and being upfront are clearly the way forward lol.

As a matter of interest, do you personally have any you’d like to share?

3 years ago

ErosRising(dom male){Hekate} - Hmm. My Vision is steadfast as I know what it is that want in a LTR. I am able to articulate those core things that are associated with my vision as I talk to someone that there may be a potential to having a relationship with. So I don’t openly discuss that vision.
What I can tell you is that I am high on protocol and am strict when in a dynamic. I have varying degrees of protocol depending on what situation is going on. My vision in its fullness is a 24/7 yet so much more. That is all that I will reveal publicly and to anyone that I am not “considering”. Do not take it personally, but it is how I do things.

3 years ago

ErosRising(dom male){Hekate} - Also, I was talking about the communication of expectations once you start talking about the Dynamics, not when you first meet someone. Personally, I need to know that I “mesh” with someone before I even consider talking about dynamics and my Vision.

3 years ago

MLP(sub female){Not lookin} - I understand and respect that, thank you. This is where I’m massively “failing” I feel - protocol... and the change from getting to know each other and that potential protocol. To each, it’s something different (here I mean Dom and sub as opposed to Dom and Dom). Though I suppose the only way I’ll fully understand that is throw myself in there!

3 years ago

ErosRising(dom male){Hekate} - Well you could just throw yourself in there.... each Dom uses different protocols than another. Although somewhat the same, there are variations. Mine is not the same as another’s.
When you start talking about Dynamics with a potential Dom, they will train you in to what they are looking for. As I stated, I have varying degrees depending on situation and environment, that my partner would be expected to know. But she would not know them unless I train her for what I am expecting.
Then there are events that may dictate protocol. These could be different than what your dynamic is. It all really depends. At some events, even Dom’s are expected to follow certain protocols.

3 years ago

Maxorde{Not lookin} - Given the right time and the right Dom, I know that these questions would fade away as they answered themselves one at a time. Truly a very deep post.

3 years ago

MLP(sub female){Not lookin} - Thanks for your input Max, as always. I’d love to think the same, I really would. Maybe it is just me, but there are some things I just can’t do with/without as I’m sure there are for others on the opposite side - surely these become our own limits that would eat away at us in life if we did compromise on them for the sake of finding “the one”?

3 years ago

Maxorde{Not lookin} - I would never expect limits to be violated just for the sake of being the Dom. Everyone has their own limits. A true Dom, I think, would respect his subs limits and embrace them. Yes, it’s a compromise, as always, and should be. Two rational adults can always compromise without damaging themselves or, possibly, even just agree that it’s not working and let the dynamic go. My two cents worth.

3 years ago

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MLP​(sub female){Not lookin}

Murmurations of Me

Lifestyle Hard Limits

MLP(sub female){Not lookin}