Hi peeps
Im just lying in bed pondering if i should get up after messages from my mum that i never should have looked at. Feel really alone. Family sucks sometimes. Im glad i have this place.
Rose
Its not if or can I do it. Instead the question seems to be is the price to be paid for it too high.
It is
But the price for not doing it is higher still.
Need sleep... stupid tablets kicked in. Feel drunk and tired but still can't sleep. Had to watch stupid secretary im wondering where my James Spader is. Idiots too busy with Maggie Gylahall, lucky gal.
Craving input. As it screams get the cane the paddle anything... meanwhile im sat at the computer trying to type without smacking my head against my desk (at home). Going to get a cuppa i thump the living shit out of my thighs. I feel about 10% better that was after the cane. Im still craving the input. Wish i could go boxing and punch the shit out of a boxing bag just to feel the ache but nope. That was yesterday.... thing it the cane and paddle on yourself isn't the same. Feel like i want to scream. All i want is to go boxing but nope. Odd isn't it i might need to revisit the concept of masochism. Lol. In the meantime i hope the thumps to my thighs are enough.
Emotionally toxic manipulative little shit of a family fuck my life...... had to be now didn't in the middle of fucking global pandemic and trying to finish university. Fuck my life.... ive cut ties with my mum and am off to scream into a pillow
Aaaaarrrrgggfhhhhhh
A song by lana adapted to a film i saw
My pussy taste like Pepsi cola,
My eyes are wide like cherry pies
I got sweet taste for men who're complecated,
Its always been its no surprise.
Harley's in the sky with diamonds
Shes making her joker crazy,
Cos all she wants to do is play with batsy baby.
Come on batsy lets play,
You can't escape from the birds of prey,
I know the joker and he wouldn't mind,
We made it into the dark side,
We made it into the dark side,
We made it into the dark side,
Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on batsy.
Whoa ya
I fall asleep in a purple suit jacket
I wear my collar in vanilla land
I pledge allegiance to my joker,
For teaching me everything he knows.
Harley is in the sky with diamonds
Shes making her joker crazy,
Cos all she wants to do is play with batsy baby.
Yeah
Come on batsy lets play,
You can't escape from the birds of prey,
I know the joker and he wouldn't mind,
We made it into the dark side,
We made it into the dark side,
We made it into the dark side,
Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on batsy.
Drug, suck it up, like villan bane does
Don't treat me really nice treat me rough-ish
Decorate my neck, me, im on decisis,
Why come on come on come on
Ooo ooo ooo ooh
Ooo ooo ooo ooh
Ooo ooo ooo ooh
Grrrr
Come on baby lets play
You can't escape from the birds of prey
We made it into the dark side
We made it into the dark side
Come on come on batsy
Come on come on batsy
Whoa ah
My pussy taste like Pepsi cola
Ooh ah
My pussy taste like Pepsi cola
Ooo ooo ooo ooh
Ooo ooo ooo ooh
My pussy taste like Pepsi cola
Ooh woah yeah
Ever feel whats left of what you call a heart slowly disappear and turn to stone?
Ive started to think there might be such a thing as caring too much... cos it fucking hurts... until it doesn't and it turns to stone. Its not something im aiming for or like in myself right now but i think everyone has there bullshit limit..
Oddly though im doing okay, not sure if I like this new part of myself as im becoming a little ruthless... or more precisely a pain in the side aka thorny lol
And i can't sleep.
Its almost like im too tired to sleep
Oh energy where have you gone?
On the sofa and making a cuppa tea seems a challenge.
Even had a delivery and was too tired to unpack it.
Fingers crossed i have more spoons tomorrow
Would it be possible to create a post where messages that are.... non consenting, invasive or triggering
Aka a red flag forum
Be anonymously posted?
I thought this might help newbies and reestablish basic consent in bdsm.
Messages such as bend over are not appropriate first messages from people who you don't know.
Thanks