Rose's Thorns.

Replace the feminist ally with insta dom... its too funny.

Why is it everytime i tell a man im into bdsm and submissive two things always happen 

Instantly thinks im up for anything (yes anything) just automatically assumes this after a quick conversation. It's an odd look of amazement, unbridled excitement and panic. It's an odd combination as you can see the list of things he thinks might happen from porn induced fancies. As a consequence most respect goes.

Secondly the combination of lust of the porn fantasies combined with pleading and begging. I don't know what what happens but the guy's always seem taken over by something akin to lust that makes them beg like anything. Or they straight up get offended when you say no because they have their own fantasy and actually prefer the fantasy to the real life. Basically think your a maid with sex benefits. 

Thing is i just told you im submissive.... do either of those responses seem in anyway Dominant to you? As in what a sub is attracted to? Because i don't. The irony amuses me.

So this is going to be a bit controversial..... 

I have decided i hate modern feminism, its bull crap. I will explain below, this is my personal perspective, i don't expect others to agree or disagree just using my blog to share some thoughts. 

So yeah, ive come to the conclusion third wave feminism sucks. Im putting this here because if i put anywhere else i will get it in my ear. 

Why? 

Well let's have a look at what third wave feminists did for me. Just to be clear i have no issue with previous versions of feminism. 

A single mother working from 6am till 11pm trying to 'have it all'. 

Sat outside in the rain for hours whenever I forgot my key. Or feeding my brother when work took over (more often than not). You either learned to cook or you didn't eat. 

My dad kicked out, being baby sat by an alcoholic grandad was great (sarcasm). Nevermind the 'cuddles' from my stepdad. 

So why do i blame third wave feminism? 

Because my mum was so busy trying to 'have it all' she almost killed herself more than once through overwork and often forgot she was just that a 'mum'. I have done something similar with work .... its not good. 

It's considered empowering to not shave, not shower .... sod that. It's like peer pressure to self neglect. 

The best book i have bought recently is dita von teese, everything you need to look your best. And yes the lady at the book store gave me evils for buying it. 

Women can tear each other down just as much as building each other up. 

So to third wave 

I deserved a farther, i am human not a possession for you to 'own' and live your unfulfilled life through while calling it 'empowerment'. God its exhausting. Yes she is still trying. Not to mention being used as an object for leveraging family members. One day i will share this story, im still trying to get my head around it.

The encouragement to walk away from happy relationships sucks. No need to make it work be popular by fucking around. The concept that relationships don't require effort is ridicules. Not to bother because the world is full of sexual partners is just ****. We have moved to a different kind of disposable culture and im not a fan.

Its interesting that as third wave feminism peeks BDSM is becoming more popular. 

Because here is the dirty little secret.... women too often tear each other down in the name of sexual politics and competition. This was usually obvious but im wondering if it's become more underhanded recently. Just a thought. 

Now ... the no bra bregaid, some women need bras okay. Not everyone can go no bra. If you can and your happy good for you, but its not everyone who can. 

.... should have seen the look i got buying ditas  book was as though i betrayed the entire female species..... but here is the thing we are told about mindfulness and yoga or whatever the new thing is.... but the best thing i bought was a dressing table. Seriously. Helps me get ready for the day not just physically but mentally too. 

So yeah .... ive had it. 

So yeah im contemplating writing a book.

Obviously it would be *fiction* .... cos it can't be real right ;) 

Real life is much more interesting than fiction. Just sayin.

As interesting as it would be the only problem is that i have too many ideas. I don't think i would finish. 

Hence the title 

These are two of the pillars in our community. 

Ive drawn an interesting conclusion recently. People don't like truth or honesty, they like the illusion of it because actual truth and honesty is brutal. 

This is something i like (maybe it's my inner masochist?) Who knows. The honesty can be challenging but at least you know right? 

Wrong. 

I've come to realise that people don't like actual honesty and truth (in general). They like find it too difficult. They like the white lies, it's like a comforter to them.

This utterly baffles me, probably baffles some of you here too. We have a concept of your better off knowing than not, at least you can either do something about it or be aware so you don't get as hurt as you could have done. 

Believing the crap to my mind you might as well wrap yourself up in a turd coat and block your ears and eyes. It doesn't stop the brick wall from being in front of you, you just can't see it and will walk into it. At least when you can see it you have time to find sticks and build a ladder. This is my way of thinking but it isn't everyones. Some will happily go smack into the wall or walk around in circles to avoid it. 

So why? 

A friend on here messaged me about contrast and juxtaposition. Ive realised people find the level of truth we are used to here jarring. They can't cope with it. They aren't ignoring the wall they are ignoring the meadow on the other side because acknowledging its very existence is painful. 

People like the lie its comfortable, they enjoy the dishonesty as long as it rubs their ego just right...

.... this is one of the things i find deranging because it's different for each person. You do this wrong (shouldn't have to anyway) and your fucked. 

This dishonesty, white lies, ego boost or whatever you want to call it is almost used as self justification, building a sense of self. At least for some and its not always intentional either. People like to hear positive things, the good stuff. When challenged with honesty... well... tends to not go well because it can be destabilising. 

So when you first come somewhere where brutal honesty exists and phrases like 'i didn't lie, i just wasn't telling the whole truth' don't hold water. It can be really disorienting. Not just because you might be challenged on a few things (we all are). And there have been times ive gone, i will have to give that a think and get back to you. Because im not sure. 

It's also challenging and very vulnerable to be that honest with yourself and others. 

Being honest with others can mean risking upsetting them. This is can be a big challenge but ... other people are not mind readers and the level of trust required here is a lot higher than most. 

How do you expect to build anything without a good foundation? 

So, take some time to consider things if need be, allowing yourself to be honest with yourself, things don't need to be answered immediately when points are raised. It's okay to take some time. 

And if you can try not to let ego get in the way, wanting to please people all the time to give you a sense of self worth when the cause of being unhappy isn't being addressed isn't going to help. Similarly, needing positive feedback or having a lot of positive feedback then one negative can be equally challenging to deal with. So taking time to consider these points and if anything can be learnt helps. 

There is no room for ego with the types of trust and honesty that exist here, especially if safety exists. Side note- doesn't mean ego is a bad thing either, its not, it's actually helpful to judge what we are comfortable with. 

But anyways, this can be a jarring experience, contrasting what you thought or had knowledge of to find a whole new world with many possibilities and suddenly there is so much to know it can be seriously daunting. 

Your now sat in the meddow, looking back at the wall you kept walking into. It's not an easy imagine from the other side either and is jarring in contrast. 

This brutal level of honesty and truth that we have in this lifestyle is to establish trust and is rare. That is because in any other situation pointing out that contrast with truth is considered rude (mainly because it's an affront to ones ego). This honesty one of the reasons i love this lifestyle. I would rather know. 

Just my personsl perspective. 

Rose 

X

So i know i can be a bit masochistic but where does the car alarm get off being a sadist at 4am when im trying to sleep. This is not the masochistim im interested in. Non consenting idiot car alarm. 

So yeah that's my night

We all have them. Sometimes the only two choices you have are between less than steller options. 

What do you do. Pick option a thats rubbish or option b that's equally bad? 

Rocks and hard places suck especially when you where hoping it was going to change. 

Somethings don't change and all you can do is make the most of a bad situation. 

Ive recently started to develop an appreciation for 1950s style fashion. I decided to give it a go to see if it would suit my body shape. I was so fed up of feeling uncomfortable, even if i looked okayish i felt uncomfortable all the time. It was starting to affect my mood. 

Something we aren't always taught is how to look after yourself. How to look smart and put together and comfortable. We think of self care as a pj day and munching on chocolate (or i do). Self care for myself doesn't mean self neglect, rest yes but giving yourself a manicure or trying a new hairstyle isn't vain or a stereotype ive come to realise it helps you face the day. One of the best things I've ever got for myself is a dressing table. Somewhere to take five minutes before the day starts. 

I have also come to the conclusion that modern trousers for women suck. So do the stretchy tshirts with zero boob room. Its hard to explain how it affects my mood when your just uncomfortable all day, pulling your trousers up or your t shirt down so its not under your arms. 

I tried wearing a skirt below knee length and a top like blouse. It's comfer than any pj set, jeans or yoga pants. This is why maxi dresses are so popular. They are comfy. 

They knew how to make stuff that lasted longer than 6 months and more importantly they made stuff for boobs and hips. 

'There is no fashion without foundations' Christian Dior. 

Since the evil of low rise 90s jeans ... i say evil because it was impossible to find something if you had a shelf. This is why hoodies tied around the waist was a thing ... it was necessary. But we have forgotten what foundations even are. The woman in a body con dress all smart and sexy .... doesn't look like that without spanx or a girdle. 

Meanwhile we are all looking going 'damn i wish i looked like that'. The secret? Foundations. I will be looking into this more but there is also a reason i liked leggings at one point because tights suck too. I found a good alternative recently that doesn't involve leggings :)

How i look put together and smart while comfortable is amazing to me because its often one or the other but the fact 30s 40s and 50s clothes were cut to fit curves rather than stretch to them really does help. 

I love the suits too ... i have a shopping list. I need more funds. Thing is it's almost 'cool' and 'authentic' to look not put together now and because its not common knowledge how it's done people can react in ways that aren't fun. Thinking your conforming to a stereotype or assuming you think everyone should conform to a 'dress code'. 

Not having a dress code isn't a bad thing but i do like to leave work at work and getting changed or wearing suits helps me. Maybe this is why i was a bit lost as a student? If i dressed like i wanted to as a student some can see it as arogance or self righteous and a stereotype. 

But the thing no one ever tells you its comfer. I was fed up of feeling frumpy. That's right jeans suck. It's not you that's the issue its the clothes. Even if (like me) you wanted to get healthier (ive lost two dress sizes) modern clothes are still uncomfortable. So remember cotton, linen, silk satin and wool are breathable thus comfy. Especially linen in the summer. 

It really surprised me the effect it's had on my mood. I wasn't expecting it and its made me appreciate the level of craftsmanship that used to exist. As well as how good you look but your not wearing yoga pants. 

It's just a matter of seeing how i can get away with this style today. 

Rose x 

My inbox has been a bit chaotic recently if i haven't gotten back to you it's not personal im just struggling to juggle things. 

You know what counter culture is? 

Deciding to eat meat when you have been vegi for over 10 years just as everyone decides to go vegan. 

*que stories of 'back in my day, we had to make do with cauliflower' Haha 

Also thai food is amazing. If you like tomatoes golden curry is amazing.