When self determination and defensiveness seem to make it difficult to get along with others at times. Sometimes i wonder what else i could do, then ... you realise why your like that and carry on, usually after meeting someone who ironically likely has similar issues with pushing people away.
Can we bring leather back? And i don't just mean the jackets that go well with a harley.
Doms had to earn the title Dominant through submission.
It was born out of gay men in the military. Much like you had to earn the title of comander, you had to earn Dominant. It was bestowed upon you.
Much like Dom is bestowed by submissives. You earn a submissives submission. It is not given freely or because you want what you want.
It was Dominants giving themselves the title, with no understanding of what it takes to submit to another person freely.
Dominants starting out as submissives meant that there was a great deal of respect and compassion for submissives. Because they had to follow the comands themselves at some point, so they would know what asking another human for huge amounts of trust required.
Subs are being 'broken' mainly because there is no understanding of what it takes and the damage it can do when it goes badly.
I wonder how many Doms would last as w submissive nowadays? Would they ask for the same things a few messages in? Thrn discarded and left afterwards?
This is why Dominant is a title bestowed and earned through trust honesty and communication.
Every time i try to sleep and relax, stupid nightmares come along to the point they wake me up. Not the funishment kind either. Sometimes every so often you miss sleeping next to someone else.
I did start writing a blog, only for it to disappear on me and i have just eaten jerk. I need to go drink some milk and return. Thank god i have milk in the house.
Note to future self - don't be too generous with jerk sauce, you will regret it. Even if it's amazing.
Omg .... i found heaven and its in a new Italian take away.
How they made pie this good. I don't know. But its amazing.
There is how we want the world to work.
Joyous, kind full of opportunity.
Then there is how the world actually works.
Brutal, cruel, cold and calculating.
If you can survive long enough that is ;)
Unless your world is mine ...
In that case, its yours to create.
When pondering lana always seems to hit the mark.
So i think personality tests are akin to horoscopes and thought it might be a lark around to do one.
You want to know what it said?
That i question everything including the tests ...... damn it, it worked me out.
Apparently im the same as Musk and Moriarty .... an architect.
Stubborn as anything and question everything. That i would rather be right than popular... now who got the nickname thorny on here hmmm ?
Really annoyed at how accurate this thing is and how it works ....
Once upon a house party...
There was a lot of alcohol and music, as is often the kitchen was a no go zone due to the sticky beer covered floor.
Glancing around the living room, there wasn't much going on, this was fairly tame compared to other houses parties, more inbetweeners than skins.
Still i was stuck here until my friend decided she had enough, after all i was crashing at hers. Well... after the last 'sleepover' i was amazed i was still allowed to stay. Yet somehow i was the 'good' one. It meant I could get to work the next day so I was still grateful, although curious how long we would be here for.
The last time we drank, i ended up waking up in the communal hallway/ enterance way at the bottom of the stairs and not alone. I was also not fully clothed, which gave her housemate an eyefull when he opened the door in the morning, boobs everywhere. In my defence, the guy was a farmer, the thought someone could lift me up made me go weak. Even if i don't entirely remember the night, not even how we got back... but ... i do know that a traffic cone may have been involved along with the realisation of crossing the road at a really inconvenient pl2. See im normally the sensible one, the one that can sober up at least a little, well not that night. I did make it to work on time tho.
My two friends upstairs.... and we will leave it there.
Back at the house party, i was wondering if i might bump back into the farmer guy. To this day i still don't remember wtf happened. It's a slow night and i don't even think there are enough people to even dance. If im going to endure this i need a drink. So i brave the kitchen, in search of something that doesn't come in a bright colour or taste like beer.
Outside some guys are chatting, i ask where the drinks are. The guy's are saying how girls aren't easy to deal with (sounds like someone is having relationship issues). Someone points to a shelf. I pour myself a drink ask how he is doing, say how slow the party is, ask how he has been doing, pointing out not all girls fuck guy's over or even want relationships, some want vodka.
.... still wondering if i will see farmer guy...
So i ask if he knows if the guy i know and if his mate is coming, knowing full well as fun as it might be it might not go so well for my friend after the upstairs adventure she went on.
I don't often go back for seconds but ... hey i was getting board.
I was getting fed up of my friend having relationship issues and complaining, well you spent the night with either a cone or a guy? After hearing the arguments and phone calls for a while i was ready for a break from relationship talk and a drink.
The drinks were in the cupboard, why i don't know, but hey. So while im drinking we have a brief chat, he doesn't know if anyone else is coming but he does know the guy my friend spent the night with. Also turns out it was his house party i had insulted. His relationship was going to hell after going to uni, i was soooo fed up of relationship talk. He is chatting to his friend who is smoking outside.
I don't like these conversations and drink again wishing there was something stronger, i said i was sorry to hear that (i have zero concept of relationships at this point). He was all for making it work, that relationships are good and those who don't want one, don't know what they are misding (seriously, what does anybody say in this situation). I say okay and excuse myself to go back and find my friend (seriously wtf do people want relationships for). I leave one room for a break from relationship imploding stuff and somehow end up in another room with the same thing.
I had insulted the host of the party, said his relationship was a waste of time and the drinks were crap while looking for someone else to sleep with, while his life was imploding. I didn't realise it was his party and thought the relationship stuff was his friend. My friends was also going to hell after the other night, just made me wonder why people set themselves up to be hurt.
This was the first time i met my future Dom and my ex.
We weren't introduced properly until a few months later (i didn't even know his name during this encounter). All i knew was i never wanted to embarrass myself like that again and hoped to god i would never bump into him again. Turns out i was wrong.
It took six months of knowing him before i would agree to any concept of a relationship.
This is in general not bdsm.
I saw an animation of old fashioned paintings brought to life as people, like girl with the pearl earring.
They looked awesome but odd like something was off, animations normally run like clockwork on a loop of actions linked together. The eyes were odd too, expressionless and vacant yet searching.
Then i looked at the title again the animation was AI. It really made it creepy. I understood why nothing was moving in a 'natural' way. It's one of the oddest things I've ever seen.
That's all. Its cocktails o clock and damn its smooth