So, you have a preference for people who are significantly younger or older than you. Awesome! I actually do, too. I'm what is called a "teleiophile." This means that I have a preference for partners who are significantly older than I am. For me, personally, this is not a hard and fast rule, simply a preference. I would consider someone my age. I would consider someone younger than me, though it is less likely.
Recently another term has come into being- the other side of that coin. A "jungophile" is someone who prefers people who are significantly younger than they are. Let's try and keep that to consenting adults please, folks.
Now, there's nothing wrong with this preference, between consenting adults. It doesn't automatically mean someone has daddy issues, or is creepy, or any other such thing. It is a preference. It's OK!
So, I'm going to address a few things here, about age gap relationships. There is is an ongoing issue I see that makes things crappier for everybody, and there is an assumption I see a lot. There are challenges with these sorts of relationships, as well, but they can be well worth it.
First, let's take a look at a very common assumption-
Q: "People who are into someone way younger/older than them are into ageplay, right? They want mommies and daddies or littles or something, yeah?"
A: Not necessarily. Just as not all people into D/s are into pain, and not all people into pain are into D/s, not everyone into age play has an age gap, and not every kinky relationship with an age gap is into age play. Sure, you can find plenty of age gap dynamics that are into age play, but there are also a ton of age gap relationships that have none of that.
Me? I'm an adult, I always think of myself as an adult, and I'm looking to play with an adult. I can be flexible with a partner. I can experiment. Hell, I've had a dom or two get me to call them "daddy" in a scene because they were really into it. But it isn't something I am looking for, and it isn't a kink of mine. I am not looking for a daddy, and I am not looking to roleplay as a little girl. I just love me some silver foxes.
Either type of dynamic is totally OK! It's just best to not assume.
OK. Now to something that is a problem I see online. Hypocrisy, and crappy attitudes. It's about entitlement and not recognizing that other people have just as much of a right to their own preferences as you do to yours.
Look, the more specific your preferences are, the harder it will be to find a partner. That's reality. Wanting someone because they tick off your boxes doesn't mean you tick off theirs. Wanting someone doesn't entitle you to their time, their body, or anything else.
What I see far too much of is someone complaining and wanting to know how they can get people, usually young people, to play with/date/fuck/etc them when they say they are not interested in doing so because of the age gap.
How do you get them to give themselves to you?
YOU DON'T.
I've seen people cry "age discrimination" and then go on to bash the people they want, whist stating that they are unwilling to date people their own age. OK, so listen- you can't have it both ways. If YOU won't date people your own age, you can't demand that OTHER PEOPLE date people your own age. Why do you get to have an age group preference, but other people don't? Because you want them, so you should have them? Nope. It doesn't work that way.
Teleiophiles are not very common. If you insist on only dating teleiophiles who fall into a specific age range, and not dating people your own age or older, your potential dating pool is going to be a lot smaller. You can't force people who are not OK with an age gap to be OK with it.
Don't make it harder for everybody by throwing a fit when a young person only wants to date their own age group, while you refuse to date your own age group. It's pretty simple stuff. Just don't act like you are being personally wronged by other people's preferences. Everyone doesn't exist to please you. Just as it is ok for you to have preferences, it is equally ok for others to have preferences that aren't compatible with you.
Aaaanyway, bit of a rant there, because I've seen that sort of thing over and over again. It won't ever win you any partners, trust me.
All of that being said, I do encourage people to not outright reject someone because of their age. You might find that you are incompatible, sure, but you may be missing out on a great person. I've met great people who had someone very interested in playing with them- until they found out their age. If you really wanna play with someone, maybe don't limit yourself because of a number? But it's totally up to you to decide what boundaries you want to set, and you shouldn't be shamed for that. If you aren't comfortable with a big age gap, especially, that's your call to make, not anyone else's.
There can be some challenges to an age gap relationship:
Your life experiences will be different. Being of different generations, you may have very different perspectives. Politically, you might find that you and your partner are often at odds. Not always, but political leanings do tend to shift from generation to generation.
Pop culture references will often go whizzing over you or your partner's head. My primary might turn to me and say "Travis- YOU'RE A YEAR TOO LATE!" Insert crickets and a blank look from me. Slightly awkward, but nothing insurmountable.
People will judge- more so in vanilla life than the kink world, probably, but still, they will judge. There are a lot of hurtful stereotypes. The lech, the gold digger, the person with mommy or daddy issues, etc, etc. "He's old enough to be your dad!" "He's young enough to be your son!" You'll have to deal with that shit. Your family might not approve. What your friends and family think may be very important to you.
I say, don't let other people's demands and expectations dictate the acceptability of your love for one another. It's hard, but it's hard for a lot of folks like that. Couples that aren't traditional cis/het. Mixed race couples, mixed religion couples, mixed body type couples. Love is unique and beautiful and sacred. Don't break yourself on the altar of other people's expectations. Love is too precious for that.
Finally, the hard part of a good, loving age gap relationship: the grief.
No one knows if they will get hit by a bus tomorrow, this much is true. If you, like me, are seeing someone who is 30 years your senior, chances are much higher that you won't have as long with them as you would with someone your own age. This is hard. This is heartbreaking. This is something I'm dealing with myself right now, as my secondary is dying of cancer. This is something to be aware of, going into a relationship. You will love, and you will lose.
Is it worth it?
For me, it is, absolutely.