Ev's kink corner

It started with a visit to go hiking in the redwoods and take some photos. 

"Pack some toys, just in case the mood strikes."

A day and a half later, and I'm home. I keep thinking of this or that moment, and it takes my breath away.

What a beautiful weekend. What an amazing time. So much bonding, healing. So many orgasms. So much trust. I won't go into a ton of details, out of respect for them and their privacy. But oh... oh my gods...

On Wednesday they meet Ashigeru. Oh gods, please let them all get along! Please! 

I could even dare to dream of chasing a herd of unicorns and hope for a foursome, hah.

But it isn't just about sex and hot scenes. It's about bonding, connection. It's about finding pack. It's about feeling that I could, actually, really, have that leather family I've always wished for. 

If only they weren't on the other side of the planet. Fuck. Or maybe "FAHWK" as they would say. 

He's given me orders to polish my boots. The things he whispered in my ear as he bent me over the trunk of my car, right there in the zoo parking lot... he didn't do anything inappropriate really, nothing lewd. But the things he said as he pressed himself against me. Gods. 

I want my pack. I want my Master feeling safe and secure and happy with a family of good lifestyle people. I want my porch-cat beastie to learn to trust and come in from the rain when he can stand it, knowing there is a warm home that will always welcome him, a safe place. I want my submissive friend to have a place to come and let go from time to time, where he can feel cared for and be his punk-ass playful bratty self. I want my dying partner to be surrounded by warmth and love and care from us all, but I know that part will never happen.

But really, really, I want my Master and I want this thing that is growing with this dom-sub couple from the other side of the world.

She, the sub, has said she will fly me there, when I can get the time off work, to stay with them. He says they'll have the dungeon ready. I am absolutely floored. They would do this thing! They would fly me to them! 

A wise friend of mine said, "don't break your eggs before they hatch." 

And so, I am doing my best to not flinch and brace myself and build walls because I know they are leaving to go home and I know they won't be able to physically touch me, to curl up in a pile together, link arms with me, stroke me, let me taste and groom them. I know it's coming. They will leave. They will be half a world away from me. Literally. 8,000 miles away. 

But life is pain. Joy ultimately comes with loss, too. There is suffering, but without living, you never get those highs, either, and then what reason do you have to live?

I know I'm foolish for breaking my personal policy. No long distance relationships. They lead to frustration and heartbreak.

But sometimes, even if you know it'll hurt in the end, you have to roll with life. You have to live. You have to reach out and grow and be in the moment. 

For now, I finally got the fuck-knots out of my hair.

He said to me, "well, you can brush it out, but you know I'm just going to knot it all up again." 

I hope they love Ashigeru. I hope he loves them.

But if they like and respect one another, that will still be enough. A 4-way bond is almost unheard of. Sure, it can happen, but so VERY rarely. It would be amazing and magical and the best. But if they are okay with each other, it'll do. 

Time to sleep. I've work to do, tomorrow. And then I've a pair of tall black leather boots to put on. 

We're going to go corrupt Haight Street.