I started thinking about the concept of "dom drop" recently. For those not familiar, this is the flip-side of "sub drop." The feeling of sadness, emptiness, or discomfort that someone can feel after play. Both doms and subs can experience this feeling and there are several explanations for why it occurs (some overlapping, some specific to doms or subs in particular). As I've been thinking about this, it occurred to me that there could be a fairly simple factor which contributes to dom drop that usually isn't discussed.
As far as I can tell, explanations, for dom drop generally fall into one of two broad categories. One is simply the comedown from all the excitement. A flood of adrenaline burning off after everything is over. This can explain both dom and sub drop as well as the occasional sadness many people feel following sex (kinky or otherwise). This is not a new phenomenon. "Post coitum omne animalium triste" (after sex, all animals are sad) is an ancient phrase that describes this exact thing.
(As a side note, this phrase has also been used by some scholars of social movements to describe the feelings of bitterness that many former protesters and radicals feel later in life. Again, the idea is that, once the excitement of the moment is over, the participant is left feeling empty.)
The other series of explanations for dom drop revolve around feelings of guilt. The dom feels bad about the things they have done, despite the consensual nature of the proceedings. Feelings that only a bad person would do these things; only a bad person would enjoy doing these things. Societal conditioning telling them that these behavior are perverted, wrong, taboo. These feelings are likely deeply ingrained in many doms and can be hard to shake from one's subconscious.
I have not doubt that both of these factors contribute to dom drop. They likely contribute to varying degrees in different individuals but I'm sure they contribute. However, I think there is another factor that also plays a role in dom drop. This factor is pure mental exhaustion.
It occurred to me that I sometimes have feelings that remind me of dom drop after I teach a class. Now I love teaching but I've been doing it for long enough that I don't get a flood of adrenaline anymore when I'm in the classroom so it can't be caused by that sort of comedown. I'm not doing anything taboo in my classes that I would feel guilty about after. Alright, I do swear in front of them sometimes but they're all technically adults, I don't feel too bad about that. So, if I'm feeling something akin to dom drop but it can't be adrenaline or guilt, what causes it?
I've come to realize that it's simply that I'm tired. It can be exhausting keeping control of classroom for an hour or more. Keeping an eye on all the students, watching for signs of confusion, watching the clock, projecting confidence and authority. It can be mentally draining. I think this is what causes my occasional feelings of sadness after classes and I think something similar happens when I dom. Just like teaching, it takes a lot of energy to guide a scene, project authority, watch your sub for signs of pleasure, pain, discomfort, or distress and react accordingly. I love both teaching and domming. I do often feel like I need a nap after each though.
Again, I have no doubt that the more common explanations also play a significant role in dom drop. I just think this other, often overlooked, factor also plays a role. Sometimes, after a scene, I need to be reminded that I'm not a bad person for liking the things I like. Sometimes I just need my partner to say that she'll figure out what we're having for dinner and I don't have to plan anything for the next couple hours :)
A final note: This should really go without saying but by focusing on dom drop, I'm not trying to downplay the significance of sub drop. Sub drop should also be addressed and doms have a duty to help their subs through that. Both parties can and should participate in and benefit from aftercare. I'm simply speaking about dom drop because it's what I have direct experience with and feel I can speak to with some degree of confidence.
